Stories In Scars
Honesty Is Easier Said Than Done
It was only about noon, so we still had another day left in Edinburgh. Since we were here, we didn’t want to miss Edinburgh Castle, so that’s where we spent the day.
While there, I faked my smiles. I put on a show. The ground was my stage, and my clothes were my costume. I felt terrible doing it, because I trust these boys, but it’s habit. Whenever I feel shitty, I fake it. A facade. A masquerade.
Back at the hotel, all of the guys went into Spencer’s room to hang out and play video games, or something. I spent the night writing.
the castle is in ruins, as well as my soul
this content mask i wear doesn’t feel right
a facade of lies
nothing more, nothing less
nothing but the truth hidden inside a lie
deeper and deeper
going down the path i was before
more darkness than ever
can’t see my hand in front of my face
facade i’m running
it’s all a lie
masquerade party
put on a smile
force of habit
can’t quit it
Getting it on paper makes me feel so much better. Thank goodness. If I hadn’t gotten it out... I don’t know what I would have done. But I still feel terrible.
I decide to join the guys in Spencer’s room, allowing my guard down. I just need to act how I’m feeling, not put on an improv show that seems rehearsed.
“Hey guys..,” I start, walking in.
“Hey baby, what’s up?” Ryan asks me.
“Nothing. Just... writing...”
“You alright, Grey? Cause you don’t seem like yourself,” Spencer askes, truely concerned. It’s so weird to have this many people concerned about me.
“Yeah!” Oops. I lied, “I mean, no.”
“Aww. What’s wrong? C’mon, tell Uncle B,” Brendon says, while pulling me into a hug.
“I, I’ve been lying to you guys. All day. Like how I was earlier? That’s not me. That’s not how I felt. It was just a show,” I tell them.
“But, why? You don’t need to fucking pretend with us...” Jon trails off.
“It’s habit. Before, whenever I would feel shitty, or depressed, which was always, or whatever, I just put on some mask and pretended it was all okay. They were none the wiser,” I explain.
“Awwww,” Jon said, “You can be completely honest with us. You don’t need to hide anything.”
“Yeah, you don’t,” Ryan agreed, pulling me in for a kiss.
We all spent the night talking about out childhoods and pasts. Talking about firsts dates, and such.
Spencer’s exgirlfriend, Michelle was the most memorable out of our pile of exes.
He talked lovingly of her.
“Michelle was one of my first girlfriends. Until she moved away. Our friends hooked us up, cause we both just felt like having a little fling on vacation. And, suprisingly, she lived in the Vegas area,” Spence started.
“Oh, yeah, I remember her!” Ryan said.
“So, we hooked up on vacation, and I realized she was more than just a pretty face. We went on the beach and talked all night. The rest of the vacation, we spent together. Back home, we hung out almost every day. But then, her dad’s job got transferred. We tried everything to get her to stay at my place, but our parents just didn’t go for it. So, after an eight month relationship, we had to break up. It was really sad. We gave each other our virginity, our hearts, our souls. I loved her.”
While there, I faked my smiles. I put on a show. The ground was my stage, and my clothes were my costume. I felt terrible doing it, because I trust these boys, but it’s habit. Whenever I feel shitty, I fake it. A facade. A masquerade.
Back at the hotel, all of the guys went into Spencer’s room to hang out and play video games, or something. I spent the night writing.
the castle is in ruins, as well as my soul
this content mask i wear doesn’t feel right
a facade of lies
nothing more, nothing less
nothing but the truth hidden inside a lie
deeper and deeper
going down the path i was before
more darkness than ever
can’t see my hand in front of my face
facade i’m running
it’s all a lie
masquerade party
put on a smile
force of habit
can’t quit it
Getting it on paper makes me feel so much better. Thank goodness. If I hadn’t gotten it out... I don’t know what I would have done. But I still feel terrible.
I decide to join the guys in Spencer’s room, allowing my guard down. I just need to act how I’m feeling, not put on an improv show that seems rehearsed.
“Hey guys..,” I start, walking in.
“Hey baby, what’s up?” Ryan asks me.
“Nothing. Just... writing...”
“You alright, Grey? Cause you don’t seem like yourself,” Spencer askes, truely concerned. It’s so weird to have this many people concerned about me.
“Yeah!” Oops. I lied, “I mean, no.”
“Aww. What’s wrong? C’mon, tell Uncle B,” Brendon says, while pulling me into a hug.
“I, I’ve been lying to you guys. All day. Like how I was earlier? That’s not me. That’s not how I felt. It was just a show,” I tell them.
“But, why? You don’t need to fucking pretend with us...” Jon trails off.
“It’s habit. Before, whenever I would feel shitty, or depressed, which was always, or whatever, I just put on some mask and pretended it was all okay. They were none the wiser,” I explain.
“Awwww,” Jon said, “You can be completely honest with us. You don’t need to hide anything.”
“Yeah, you don’t,” Ryan agreed, pulling me in for a kiss.
We all spent the night talking about out childhoods and pasts. Talking about firsts dates, and such.
Spencer’s exgirlfriend, Michelle was the most memorable out of our pile of exes.
He talked lovingly of her.
“Michelle was one of my first girlfriends. Until she moved away. Our friends hooked us up, cause we both just felt like having a little fling on vacation. And, suprisingly, she lived in the Vegas area,” Spence started.
“Oh, yeah, I remember her!” Ryan said.
“So, we hooked up on vacation, and I realized she was more than just a pretty face. We went on the beach and talked all night. The rest of the vacation, we spent together. Back home, we hung out almost every day. But then, her dad’s job got transferred. We tried everything to get her to stay at my place, but our parents just didn’t go for it. So, after an eight month relationship, we had to break up. It was really sad. We gave each other our virginity, our hearts, our souls. I loved her.”