Stories In Scars
I Hope You Think Of Me
“Grey! What the hell! No!” Brendon yells.
“Anyways, even if Ryan did want you to leave, it doesn’t matter. We all want you to stay. Three votes against one,” Spencer adds.
“Yeah. He needs to get the fuck over himself,” Jon says.
“I... I guess. But, if anything else happens... I don’t know.”
“But you’re staying for now, right?”
“Yeah. I suppose,” I tell the guys. “But, I have made a decision about what I want to do about this,” I say, pointing to my stomach.
The guys all held their breath.
Finally, after a while, Spencer spoke.
“And, what did you decide?” he asked.
“One of you, just find me a goddamn clinic. I can’t have a fucking kid. Not now. Please, if you want to help, just find me a fucking clinic. And fast. I can’t deal with this,” I tell them.
I went back to my bunk, which, unfortunately, was right across from Ryan’s. I just need to close the fucking curtain and not say a word to him.
I took out my journal, and tried to write. Too bad I failed at my attempt. My pen fell, and soon my notebook was waterlogged with salt water tears.
I must be a loud crier, or Spencer has great hearing, because, soon, he was beside me in the bunk, giving me a shoulder to cry on.
“It’s going to be okay,” he tells me, “We all agreed to do whatever we could to help. Jon’s in search of a phonebook now. Whatever happens, we’re here.”
“Really? You guys aren’t going to tell me that getting.... this done, is stupid and I should just suck it up?”
“Hell no. Your career is just starting. You have your whole life ahead of you. And, ultimately, it’s your decision.”
“Thanks.”
My tears had finally subsided when Jon popped his head in the bunk.
“Hey, I found some different places,” Jon told me, “Do you want the, uh, appointment for as soon as possible?”
“Yeah,” Spencer said, “We don’t have a problem cancelling some shows, or pushing them back. We could just stay in England for a bit longer.”
“Yeah. ASAP, please. And, guys, thanks. Really, thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you all,” I tell them.
Even though Ryan was right across from my bunk, and could hear everything we were saying, I didn’t give a shit. I really don’t care if I’m being selfish anymore. I don’t care if I’m being bitchy anymore. For once in my life, I need to fucking focus on myself.
Jon gave me a little hug, and went to go call some clinics. God, why was this so fucking hard?
“Are you okay?” Spencer asks, still sitting beside me.
“Yes. No. I think I am, but I know I’m not. Fuck. I hate this.”
“It’s a hard thing to do, Grey. I don’t think I would be brave enough to do, well, anything about it. And if you need anything, ever, anytime, I’m always here.” And with that, Spencer got up to leave to the lounge.
I decided I should probably eat, so I followed him.
“Anyways, even if Ryan did want you to leave, it doesn’t matter. We all want you to stay. Three votes against one,” Spencer adds.
“Yeah. He needs to get the fuck over himself,” Jon says.
“I... I guess. But, if anything else happens... I don’t know.”
“But you’re staying for now, right?”
“Yeah. I suppose,” I tell the guys. “But, I have made a decision about what I want to do about this,” I say, pointing to my stomach.
The guys all held their breath.
Finally, after a while, Spencer spoke.
“And, what did you decide?” he asked.
“One of you, just find me a goddamn clinic. I can’t have a fucking kid. Not now. Please, if you want to help, just find me a fucking clinic. And fast. I can’t deal with this,” I tell them.
I went back to my bunk, which, unfortunately, was right across from Ryan’s. I just need to close the fucking curtain and not say a word to him.
I took out my journal, and tried to write. Too bad I failed at my attempt. My pen fell, and soon my notebook was waterlogged with salt water tears.
I must be a loud crier, or Spencer has great hearing, because, soon, he was beside me in the bunk, giving me a shoulder to cry on.
“It’s going to be okay,” he tells me, “We all agreed to do whatever we could to help. Jon’s in search of a phonebook now. Whatever happens, we’re here.”
“Really? You guys aren’t going to tell me that getting.... this done, is stupid and I should just suck it up?”
“Hell no. Your career is just starting. You have your whole life ahead of you. And, ultimately, it’s your decision.”
“Thanks.”
My tears had finally subsided when Jon popped his head in the bunk.
“Hey, I found some different places,” Jon told me, “Do you want the, uh, appointment for as soon as possible?”
“Yeah,” Spencer said, “We don’t have a problem cancelling some shows, or pushing them back. We could just stay in England for a bit longer.”
“Yeah. ASAP, please. And, guys, thanks. Really, thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you all,” I tell them.
Even though Ryan was right across from my bunk, and could hear everything we were saying, I didn’t give a shit. I really don’t care if I’m being selfish anymore. I don’t care if I’m being bitchy anymore. For once in my life, I need to fucking focus on myself.
Jon gave me a little hug, and went to go call some clinics. God, why was this so fucking hard?
“Are you okay?” Spencer asks, still sitting beside me.
“Yes. No. I think I am, but I know I’m not. Fuck. I hate this.”
“It’s a hard thing to do, Grey. I don’t think I would be brave enough to do, well, anything about it. And if you need anything, ever, anytime, I’m always here.” And with that, Spencer got up to leave to the lounge.
I decided I should probably eat, so I followed him.