Endlessly

It took me about two hours back with my family to realize I wanted to be back in Canada with Jordan. Actually, I wanted to be anywhere with Jordan. It hadn't even been a day and I already missed him.

"Everything alright?" My mom's voice jerked me out of my reverie, and back to the watermelon I was supposed to be slicing. It was a rare cloudless day in Maine, the sky a brilliant blue that only stood to remind me of Jordan's eyes.

I shrug, and went back to chopping the fruit in front of me. "Honey," she said, suddenly besides me, arm slipping around my taller and lankier frame. "Something is wrong. Is Jordan okay? Did something happen with him?"

With the emphasis she put on 'something', I figured we were quickly traveling into new territory: my sex life.

"Mom," I started. "Nothing is wrong with Jordan. In fact, it's the exact opposite. Everything is right."

"Then why are you here?"

I paused, considering. "I'm not quite sure. Jordan was just so, overwhelming. In the good way, of course. I'm following your advice, actually. Trying not to do anything rash."

"Leaving the country is quite rash, Rae. But you've always been my gypsy child. Never quite satisfied where you are." She to a deep breath, before continuing, "I can't believe I'm saying this to my daughter. My motto always was you don't need a guy to make you happy. But if Jordan can make you happy, and give you a home, a place you'll always want to be, then I can accept that."

I stared in disbelief at the woman who had raised me, the woman who had been so positive Jordan would bring nothing but trouble for me. "Mom-"

"Rae. For once in your life let yourself be completely happy. No more wishing you were somewhere else, with someone else. This," she spread her arms indicating the house around us, "is not your home. And I know it never will be. So, let Jordan be your home."

She kissed my cheek gently, patting my arm affectionately, before bustling off somewhere else. I stared at the watermelon, as if it could possibly give me a better answer.

---

Dinner with my family, my brother included, was nice. I hadn't seen them since my crazy plan to run off to our old house, and I'd honestly missed their company, like I'd missed it while I was away at college. My brother and dad cleaned up the meal, as always, since my mom and I had prepared the meal.

Later, as the sun began dipping into the horizon, my brother joined me out on the porch swing, the only redeeming quality I had found when we first moved here,

I waited patiently, knowing my brother was gearing up to possibly read me the riot act. But he surprised me.

"You're happy with him?"

It took me a second to respond, shocked by his lack of attack towards Jordan. "Yes."

"When are you going back?"

"I don't know. But I am going back."

Mitch fell silent, in one of his thoughtful moods, apparently. I just waited it out, content with the silence between us.

"If he leaves you again, I'm going to have to kill him. I'm pretty sure they mentioned something about it in the brother-handbook."

Smiling good-naturedly, I nod. "I don't think he will this time. He's different. It's like--"

"Woah, hold up. I do not, under any circumstances, want to know about anything that goes on between you and Jordan. I'll believe he's changed when I see it for myself." He paused again, voicing the question that had been running through my mind ever since the kiss on Jordan's front step. "What happens when the season starts again?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. In the scenario where we try to stay together, I'm not sure if I could move to Pittsburgh. But I'm also not sure I could be that far from Jordan for so long without going crazy."

"Just go."

I snapped my head towards him, baffled. "What?"

"You heard me. Test it out. Go with him. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But at least you tried right? If you stay here, or back home in Canada, and it doesn't work out, you'll never know what would've happened if you had just gone with him. Going with Jordan just makes the most sense."

I was about to refute his words, when their truth sunk in.

I was going to Pittsburgh, with Jordan. And that would be that.

---

I spent another full day with my family, or at least my mom and dad. Mitch had to work, and had a date with a girl he'd recently met. It was nice, but I knew the person I wanted to be with most wasn't here. He was back in Canada. Bright and early, I headed out for Canada. For home.

---

I suprised myself when I drove right past my old house, whipping by, right on towards Jordan's house. For some reason, I found myself anxious; anxious to see Jordan, and anxious to deliver what would hopefully be my final ultimatum.

I was met with a bittersweet sight. The front door of the Staal house was wide open, welcoming all visitors, but Jordan's truck was MIA. Of course, I thought to myself.

Despite the missing truck, I trekked up his driveway in hopes that maybe he was actually home, and Jared had borrowed it. "Hello?" I called out as I stepped into the house.

A few moments passed before Linda poked her head around the corner to peer into the hallway. "Rae? What are you doing here? Jordan said you were in the States."

"I was. I just drove back. I was actually looking for Jordan..." I trailed off, hoping she'd fill in the blanks.

"He took off with Marc about two hours ago. He won't be back until late." She stopped for a moment, considering something. "But you're more than welcome to stay here for dinner and wait for him. I could always use an extra hand in the kitchen. Henry and Jared are just useless."

"I-um- Sure. Why not."

---

Minutes in the kitchen turned into hours. Which turned into a full sit down meal with the three Staals present at the moment, including dessert. The dishes were cleared, leftovers packed up and stored in the fridge. And still no sign of Jordan.

The Staal family held no shame in continuing their daily lives while I was present, dispersing to their nightly perches. Linda was curled up on the sofa, knitting quietly. Henry sat at the head of the long, wooden dinner table, reading glasses pushed up on his nose, examining that day's newspaper. Jared sat on an island stool, laptop open on his lap, his face bathed in the electrical glow.

I sat somewhat awkwardly at the kitchen table, reading a magazine. In the midst of an article about how to recharge your sex life, I yawned loudly, unable to bite it back. Henry looked up at me, eyebrows raised. "Little tired there?"

I nodded, trying to mask just how exhausted I was. "Just a little. I'll live."

Henry tilted his head to the side, considering me for a moment. "Why don't you head upstairs and take a nap? Someone can wake you up when Jordan gets back. You have your choice of beds."

"I think I'm going to take you up on that, actually." I stood, sliding the chair back, stretching my arms above my head. "Good night. And thank you for letting me stay with you."

I climbed the stairs slowly, knowing full well which bed I would choose. Jordan's room was all the way at the end of the hallway, and I gently shut it behind me. As well as I knew his family, it was still a little bit weird sleeping in Jordan's bed while they were less than one hundred feet away.

Jordan's comforter was the same navy blue one had been for as long as I could remember. A suitcase lay open at the foot of the bed, with various articles of clothing flung out of it and back into it. I pulled open the dresser drawers until I found sweatpants, and wiggled out of my jeans and into Jordan's gigantic sweatpants. Reaching under my shirt and unlatched my bra before throwing onto the floor.

I crawled under the covers, and was asleep in minutes.

---

Jordan

I chuckled as Marc shoved from behind and I stumbled through the doorway into my house. A light streamed into the front hallway from the kitchen, and we followed its glow, hoping to find a beer or two hidden in the kitchen.

However, our fun was ruined when we noticed our dad sat at the kitchen table, reading glasses on the bridge of his nose, hunched over the newspaper. He glanced up at our approach. "Hi, boys."

"Hey, Dad," we chorused. We paused, sharing an unspoken sibling question, wondering what kind of mood our dad was in. If he was in a good mood, a beer would be no big deal. If he was in a bad mood, we could count on being lectured about the responsibilities of being a grown man.

"Catch anything good?" He didn't even look up from the article.

"Nah," Marc said as he continued back on his path to the fridge. A moment later he tossed a beer my way.

"But it was good to get a break, eh?"

"Definitely."

I cracked the tab on my beer, and had just tipped it up to my mouth when my dad addressed me. "Jordan, there's a, uh, surprise, so to speak, waiting for you upstairs."

I looked over at Marc, who shrugged in the middle of a long swig of beer. Sighing, and regretfully putting down my own drink, I headed upstairs.

The door to my room was shut, and I wearily turned the doorknob, not quite sure to expect.

At first, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary; my room was the same disaster it had been when I left. Then I noticed the the lump under the covers on my bed. I thought it was some sort of sick joke, for a moment, and that Jared was in my bed. But something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention: a leopard print bra.

A small breath forced itself out of my lungs as I approached the figure in my bed. Drawing back the comforter, my hand brushed against long locks of blonde hair. "Rae?" I whispered in disbelief.

Her face was utterly peaceful, not a line of worry or irritation on her face. Tugging my shirt over my head, I slid between the covers as best I could, trying not to wake Rae. I lined my body up alongside her's, tucking all her angles into mine. She made a soft mumbling noise, and her eyelids fluttered, opening slowly.

"Jordan?" It took her a moment to fully focus on me as she recovered from sleep. "Jordan." My name was a sigh of relief as it left her lips, and she wiggled closer to me, slipping her arms around me. I returned the favor gladly, burying my face into her neck. "I missed you," she admitted.

"Thank God," I murmured, turning my head to pressing several kisses along the soft skin of her neck. "I was getting ready to send out a search party."

Her giggle vibrated through her body into mine, and made me suddenly aware of the fact that it was indeed her bra on my floor, because she was definitely not wearing one. I pulled my head back so I could see her face and fully appreciate the fact that Rae was here, in my bed, by her own choice.

Using my fingertips, I traced her jaw and tilted her lips softly into mine. Rae hummed in appreciation, tugging at the curling ends of my hair along the back of my head. "I'll go."

I pulled away. "What?" I asked.

I saw my reflection in the clear blue of her eyes. "To Pittsburgh. I'll go with you to Pittsburgh."