More Than Just Curious

Frank’s P.O.V

There I sat, in front of this person that I had never met before. She was my new therapist. She had light brown hair that was tied up tight in a bun and these caramel eyes that shown in the dim light of the room. She was fairly pretty, but she had no expression on her face, no smile. Her name is Taylor

She was so professional. Too professional that she didn't have any flaws, and that made me very uncomfortable. She was wearing this pin striped suit that looked as if it should have been a man’s suit. She held onto a plain white clipboard, clicking her black heels back and forth as she starred at me intensely. Her eyes looked me up and down curiously. She cleared her throat as she began to speak.

“Would you like to begin and tell me about yourself Frank?” Taylor asked me, her brown eyes searching over mine. I shook my head no. she sighed and wrote something down on the clip board.

“I want Gee in here, or I am not saying anything.” I told her, crossing my arms. She looked at me for a moment, debating on whether or not she should just give in and let Gerard in here. Once she found out that I wasn't going to back down, she nodded her head and walked towards the door, her high heels making that tapping noise all the way there
.
She called Gerard’s name out and waited for his reply until she came back and sat down across from me, her face still expressionless. Not a minute later Gerard came walking in, a smile plastered on his face. I smiled back at him as he walked past Taylor and sat down on the leather couch beside me.

I reached over for his hand and held it tightly, not wanting to let his hand go. I hated this place. I was severely uncomfortable in here. Gerard made things a little better though.
I didn't want to be here. I was on edge the whole time, afraid to make a move. I didn't know if I could trust her. I had trust issues.

“Mr. Iero, I’m going to be your therapist for the next few weeks. Everything that we speak of in here is confidential and I will not repeat one word of this to anyone. You can tell me anything that you want. I will not judge you. I am here to help you with your problems and I am excited to get to know you.” Taylor told me, looking at me in the eyes and talking at a slow and careful pace.

I looked at her strangely before sighing and taking a deep breath. Gerard gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and a look that said ‘talk to her’. I nodded my head to him in a reply.
“I really don’t trust you to be honest. You give me no reason to trust, or tell you anything. For all I know you could be with them and go back to tell them everything that I confide in you.” I mumbled to her, eyes looking down at my thighs as I traced the shape of a gun on them.

“Them?” she questioned as she wrote something else down on the board of hers. I nodded my head to her.

“Do you mind specifying who these ‘them’ people are?” she asked me, keeping on going with asking questions. I hated this topic. Why couldn’t we talk about something better? More cooler, like dogs, my interests. Or, maybe even Gerard.

“Them, meaning my dad and his buddies.” I explained further to her. She nodded and wrote it down on the board.

“Now, why is it that you are worried that I would speak or are in with them? Do you have a problem with them? Maybe some trust issues?” Taylor asked looking at me with one eyebrow raised. I really didn't want to, and I wouldn’t share this with her.

“That, I will not share with you. You still do not have my trust; therefore I will not say anything until you do.” I told her truthfully. She nodded her head and wrote something else down on the board.

“Well, ask me something then Frank. Get to know me better, help me gain your trust. I will tell you anything that you wish to know, as long as I can ask things in return.” Taylor tried to negotiate with me.

I starred at her, looking over her features. She still had barely any expression visible on her face. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking, and I didn't like that. She could be playing some type of joke on me, trying to make me talk. I wouldn’t talk to her about this. I wouldn’t, mostly because if she knew then she would think I was crazy. Everyone thinks I’m crazy now, but things have been getting a little better. Gerard has been making things better.

I wouldn’t allow myself to say that I liked Gerard. I can’t say it. I wasn’t sure of the feelings that I was feeling towards him were. He was kind, sweet beautiful and funny. He was nothing like me, he wasn’t damaged. I wasn’t good for him. Yet, I couldn’t help but think what it would be like to call Gerard my own.

I decided that I couldn’t have him. I can’t have him, even if I wanted to. My dad hates my happiness. He hates when I feel love. He can’t stand to see me happy at all. That is why he had made me kill the love of my life Bella. I was too happy. He wanted to make me miserable and he had succeeded. The same thing could happen to Gerard if I’m not careful. Therefore, I cannot be happy.

“Frank?” Gerard questioned me, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked over to him and removed my hand from his, and placed it on my thigh.

“I don’t want to talk anymore.” I told Taylor as I looked back over in her direction. She looked puzzled at first but then nodded her head and began to pack up her things.

“Thank you for coming in tonight Frank. I am looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow. Maybe you will be more comfortable tomorrow.” Taylor said as she stood up and walked over to Gerard and me, sticking out her hand to let us shake it.

I was hesitant at first, but shook it anyway and made my way towards the door. It was only one session and I already hated it here. Maybe if Taylor actually smiled at times it would make a difference on how I acted. I couldn’t see myself finding trust in her any time soon.

I walked out the door and sat in the waiting room to wait for Gerard to come back out and take me home. I didn't like it here. I didn't want to come back. But, I knew I had to and I knew that Gerard wanted me to get better. He wanted to fix me.

About fifteen long minutes later Gerard walked out of her office. He walked up to me in the waiting room and motioned for me to join him. I got up and followed him out to his car without a word.

I wanted to tell him that I didn’t want to go back there, but I couldn’t help not say anything. He looked so happy right now that I didn’t want to worry him.

“I am so happy that you’re getting help Frankie. You can be like you used to be before all of this.” Gerard spoke to me, breaking the silence. I nodded to him even though he couldn’t see, his eyes focused on the road.

“Yeah, yeah I am too.” I told him honestly. And I couldn’t wait to be normal again. It had been so long, too long. I was on my way to healing.