Crazy Beautiful

I stood there with my arms tightly crossed in front of my chest and I narrowed my eyes at him. He opened his mouth a few times trying to form a sentence but he didn’t complete it. I was running thin with patience.

“Why did you leave me? I loved you Riles and you left.” he asks and my emotion turns to anger instantly.

I wasn’t the one who cheated on him. I don’t know quite what to say. He just blurted out everything and over the years being away I’ve changed. I felt myself filling up with emotions and I needed to just yell and scream. My fucking ex-boyfriend who is now a rock star wants to ask me why I fucking left.

“I just, you came back with that bitch.” I spat “Was she a better fuck? Couldn’t you have missed me enough to not cheat? You broke my heart and if anyone is answering anything it’s going to be you, Gates.” I seethed wishing he would leave me alone.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. Michelle and me never got to together.” he said giving me a confused look.

“Don’t play stupid she called your cell phone a couple of days after you came back from tour. You weren’t there and it rang seven times so I just answered it, like I had always done. She asked who I was and then she said ‘oh gosh I’m so sorry I thought you all were over I mean we must have fucked a lot on the road. Boys will be boys though oh well tell him I called though bye.’” I just looked at the ground as my eyes became blurred.

“She told you that? She is not going to like what I have to say tonight.” I look up confused as to what he says.

Out of all things, I didn’t expect that. Was it true or not? Was what she said was a lie?

“Look, Riley, I don’t know what to say to you right now. I’m sorry, but what Michelle said isn’t true. You were my world and it broke me down when you left. I loved you.” He reaches his hand towards my face I flinch a little. He ignored it though and puts his hand on my cheek and rubs his thumb over it.

“Riley I still love you.” He says gently not taking his eyes off of me.

That was too much to take and I just couldn’t breathe I couldn’t tell him I loved him too. I just can’t there is too much damage done to be with him. So I have to lie to the love of my life.

“I’m sorry Brian, but I just don’t love you anymore.” I ripped away from his hand and saw how much pain he must have just endured, I bit my lip and said goodbye.

I walk up to the girls and ask to go now not even thinking about the greatest guy in the world I left shattered I did say sorry though. Sitting in the car I feel deader than I ever have and I just want to get away. I laughed along with the girls when they told stories of tour. They said how on Val’s wedding night Jimmy and Zacky were arrested and Matt and Val had to bail them out. I picked up it was because some guy made a pass at Gena and Zack flipped then when he got punched in the face Jimmy got involved.

We pulled into the mall and hopped out of the car before strutting our way throughout the mall. We went into every store it felt like a million years had passed before we were done. I had found tons of clothes and nearly spent all of my money. I got accessories too but for some strange reason I didn’t feel as good as I did. I missed more of Brian then I had in a long time.

“Are you okay, Riley?” I hear Val’s voice as I stare out of the window on the way back home

“I’m okay,” I look at her smiling before drawing my attention out of the window again.

I felt my phone vibrate and flipped it open to view a text. ‘You better get back home now or else you’re going to get it.’ I read the text a million times before flipping it shut and closing my eyes tightly. I forbid the tears to fall down. I wasn’t going to be afraid anymore, I couldn’t be. I needed to be strong.

My phone literally rang twenty times; I ignored each call of course. I needed to block his calls before he finds me. I knew the guys would take care of me and protect me from any kind of harm. I didn’t want to have them doing it, but I knew they would. I was more fearful that Brian would get hurt trying to protect me. He’d take a bullet for me. He’d endure the pain that was meant for me.

“Why. Must. You. Constantly. Worry. About. Me. RiRi?” He asked me between each kiss he placed on me

“Because you’re my whole world.” I said thrusting my arms sideways to my body showing him my world, which in this case was quite tiny.

He smiled before kissing me again. We were currently talking about some fight he had won. He got some scratches and a busted lip. I was standing there when it started, but I ran away from the fight once I had seen Brian get hit. They had gotten into the fight because the guy slapped me. Brian and I were trying to keep our relationship a secret, but after that moment everyone knew.

“I’ll always be here to protect you, Riley, I promise.” he said before kissing me on the lips again and it was nothing but loving.

The memory subsided but the lingering want of Brian stayed behind. I wished he could’ve protected me from Adam, I wish he could have protected me from a lot of things. I will admit I messed up because I left Huntington, but I couldn’t have stayed. I had to be strong. The need of strength, either for me or for someone else was probably my worst downfall I always had to stay strong.

I gently allow a sigh to pass my lips and begin to sing the song on the radio. I felt hopeful for something. I stopped halfway through the song when my phone went off again. I needed to block his number soon.

I watched the scenery pass by us quickly before pulling into Val and Matt’s neighborhood. Adam couldn’t fine me here. He wouldn’t dare come this close. Not when I’m with everyone who loves me. Right?