Crazy Beautiful
Consoling
I rested my head against Zacky’s passenger seat and soon enough we were at his house. He kept giving me side glances but I tried hard to avoid them, or pretend I didn’t notice. I just couldn’t form words about Brian, only thoughts. If I spoke I knew for a fact I’d cry. I hated crying in front of people, I felt weak and vulnerable. I sighed and just got out of his car and walked behind him to the front door.
He opened the door and walked in where Gena greeted him sweetly. I smiled and thanked God that Zacky got a good girl, one he truly deserved. It didn’t matter how he met her, or if I was still around. I really only ever wanted Zacky happy. I knew I could make him as happy as he deserved to be. I cheated on him after all. Gena looked at me and a frown spread onto her face. I shrugged my shoulders and she pulls me into a hug. I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I wish Brian could’ve talked to me, told me the truth, not hide it from me. Everything was going good. He didn’t have a single reason to hide things from me
“It’s going to be okay,” she whispers “I’m sure it’ll be okay in the morning.”
I shake my head, “No it won’t,” I trail off and Gena pulls away frowning at me.
I look up and see both a concern Gena and Zacky. I wanted to explain, but it wasn’t my business to tell. It was Brian and Michelle’s business now. I’d lost to her and it didn’t take much that’s for sure. I felt my chest ache which made it hard to breathe. My heart felt torn into pieces and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t really do much of anything right now.
“What happened, Riley?” Zacky asked and I bite my bottom lip trying to figure out what to say to him.
“Brian and Michelle-” I stop mid-sentence knowing Brain would be bothered if I told.
The words felt foreign and wrong. They didn’t belong in my mouth, on my tongue, to be said through my lips. I always felt like it should be “Brian and I are going to have a baby,” or “I’m pregnant”. Never once did I think I’d be telling my friends that Brian and his ex-girlfriend, Michelle, are pregnant. It wasn’t right at all. It wasn’t fair either to have put me through this sort of heartache again. They already had once before when we were teenagers. They didn’t have to do it again. I never should’ve come back in the first place. I should’ve left Adam, but I should’ve done it by myself.
“Their what,” I heard Gena ask impatiently while she swayed side to side.
“It’s complicated is all I’m going to say.” I said and was pulled back into Gena’s arms again.
I really never thought of coming back and Brian still being my Brian. I had hoped he would though. Maybe that was wishful thinking. I feel the tears threatening to fall, the living room began to blur together. I thought of how much Brian’s face will light up when he sees his baby walk for the first time. How he’ll be the perfect father, and make an amazing husband. Michelle better treat him right. She better make him happy too, but somewhere deep down in my heart I don’t think she will though. I want to believe Brian will always want it to be me. That he’ll want to wake up next to me, or make love to me. He’ll want me there when things get tough and want to have me there to experiences all the joys too.
I felt my chest tighten once more and as Zacky pulled me in I felt the heaviness of breathing. I couldn’t feel my legs and they gave out so quickly from underneath me. I felt Zacky hold me tighter as I broke down in his arms and sobbed. My heart was broken and hardly beating it felt like I’d never feel alive again. And feeling that is what scared me most of all.
Zacky lifted me bridal style and carried me to one of the guestrooms where I’d sleep for the night. He laid me down and brushed my bangs out of my eyes. I tried hard to pull myself together, but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fake to be okay. I clutched onto Zacky and he got into bed to hold me again. I wasn’t sure if Gena was okay with this or not, but I needed Zacky right now. Brian was just gone and I couldn’t prevent it anymore. All I had to do was just accept his choice and move on with my life, but would I ever be truly happy?
“Riley,” Zacky whispered after my hard sobs turned into sniffles “What happened?” he asked
“Brian and Michelle are having a kid.” I said slowly trying to accept it but it pained me
“What?” he nearly yelled and I shook with fear “I’m going to kick his dumb ass so fucking hard.” Zacky growled
“Please don’t, Brian didn’t mean to hurt me.” I reassured him or maybe just myself
After I said that I looked up at Zacky who just sighed at me. He had threatened to kick Brian’s ass before when he hurt me, but I always said don’t. I never wanted to see two good friends fighting over something stupid. I wasn’t going to ripe them apart. Zacky would never go against what I asked either. Brian would easily, because he knew I couldn’t stay mad for long.
He opened the door and walked in where Gena greeted him sweetly. I smiled and thanked God that Zacky got a good girl, one he truly deserved. It didn’t matter how he met her, or if I was still around. I really only ever wanted Zacky happy. I knew I could make him as happy as he deserved to be. I cheated on him after all. Gena looked at me and a frown spread onto her face. I shrugged my shoulders and she pulls me into a hug. I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I wish Brian could’ve talked to me, told me the truth, not hide it from me. Everything was going good. He didn’t have a single reason to hide things from me
“It’s going to be okay,” she whispers “I’m sure it’ll be okay in the morning.”
I shake my head, “No it won’t,” I trail off and Gena pulls away frowning at me.
I look up and see both a concern Gena and Zacky. I wanted to explain, but it wasn’t my business to tell. It was Brian and Michelle’s business now. I’d lost to her and it didn’t take much that’s for sure. I felt my chest ache which made it hard to breathe. My heart felt torn into pieces and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t really do much of anything right now.
“What happened, Riley?” Zacky asked and I bite my bottom lip trying to figure out what to say to him.
“Brian and Michelle-” I stop mid-sentence knowing Brain would be bothered if I told.
The words felt foreign and wrong. They didn’t belong in my mouth, on my tongue, to be said through my lips. I always felt like it should be “Brian and I are going to have a baby,” or “I’m pregnant”. Never once did I think I’d be telling my friends that Brian and his ex-girlfriend, Michelle, are pregnant. It wasn’t right at all. It wasn’t fair either to have put me through this sort of heartache again. They already had once before when we were teenagers. They didn’t have to do it again. I never should’ve come back in the first place. I should’ve left Adam, but I should’ve done it by myself.
“Their what,” I heard Gena ask impatiently while she swayed side to side.
“It’s complicated is all I’m going to say.” I said and was pulled back into Gena’s arms again.
I really never thought of coming back and Brian still being my Brian. I had hoped he would though. Maybe that was wishful thinking. I feel the tears threatening to fall, the living room began to blur together. I thought of how much Brian’s face will light up when he sees his baby walk for the first time. How he’ll be the perfect father, and make an amazing husband. Michelle better treat him right. She better make him happy too, but somewhere deep down in my heart I don’t think she will though. I want to believe Brian will always want it to be me. That he’ll want to wake up next to me, or make love to me. He’ll want me there when things get tough and want to have me there to experiences all the joys too.
I felt my chest tighten once more and as Zacky pulled me in I felt the heaviness of breathing. I couldn’t feel my legs and they gave out so quickly from underneath me. I felt Zacky hold me tighter as I broke down in his arms and sobbed. My heart was broken and hardly beating it felt like I’d never feel alive again. And feeling that is what scared me most of all.
Zacky lifted me bridal style and carried me to one of the guestrooms where I’d sleep for the night. He laid me down and brushed my bangs out of my eyes. I tried hard to pull myself together, but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fake to be okay. I clutched onto Zacky and he got into bed to hold me again. I wasn’t sure if Gena was okay with this or not, but I needed Zacky right now. Brian was just gone and I couldn’t prevent it anymore. All I had to do was just accept his choice and move on with my life, but would I ever be truly happy?
“Riley,” Zacky whispered after my hard sobs turned into sniffles “What happened?” he asked
“Brian and Michelle are having a kid.” I said slowly trying to accept it but it pained me
“What?” he nearly yelled and I shook with fear “I’m going to kick his dumb ass so fucking hard.” Zacky growled
“Please don’t, Brian didn’t mean to hurt me.” I reassured him or maybe just myself
After I said that I looked up at Zacky who just sighed at me. He had threatened to kick Brian’s ass before when he hurt me, but I always said don’t. I never wanted to see two good friends fighting over something stupid. I wasn’t going to ripe them apart. Zacky would never go against what I asked either. Brian would easily, because he knew I couldn’t stay mad for long.
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