When It Became Over Powering
Tongue Tied and Terrified
The words repeat in his head but never come out. Over and over he just hears Come I come in? But can't bring himself to actually ask it. He knows he must looks horrible right now, just standing in front of her speechless. Where had all his confidence gone? Then again he never really had that much confidence, it was more of cockiness and that only came out when he had a few drinks in him. But now, now was when he needed it most. He needs Emilia-Rose to let him in, he needs her to keep himself living. She was but a stranger, a little less than one, but over all still a stranger but that was what he wanted. He knew he wanted her and at this point he had nothing left to lose.
Emilia-Rose swallows hard catching Ryan's attention. She sighs and looks down at the ground taking a step back. She presses her back to the door and gestures for him to come in. Ryan stays frozen in shock she was letting him but at the same time he didn't know if she really was. He continues to stand still just waiting for the okay.
"Come in," she softly mumbles, it was barely noticeable but to Ryan it was like she shouted it at him.
It was his turn to swallow hard as he stepped inside to the small apartment on top of the book store. The smell of a cinnamon tea fills his nose. His eyes roll back enjoying it. The sound of Emilia closing the door startles him and he turns to look at her.
"I need to slam it shout or it won't close," she says softly. She walks passed Ryan and into her small kitchen. She grabs her mug that she had pour tea into and then makes her way to the living room.
He stands still, hesitant to follow after her. Emilia sits down at looks over to him. She sighs bringing her mug to her lips and taking a long slow sip of tea. Ryan breathes in through his nose letting it out slowly through his mouth and makes his way to the couch. He sits down next to her but doesn't look at her.
He keeps the silent going processing different scenes in his head. One sticks out to him but he knew it would scare her and to be honest, he didn't have the balls to do it. He wasn't ready to just leap at someone and have his life change. He couldn't continually be the guy that got all the girls just because he liked sex so much or even because of who he was. Drugs, alcohol, sex, they all need to be put into the past. No matter how hard he knew this was for him, he needs to change his ways.
He closes his eyes tightly and tells himself go for it. He looks at Emilia and takes in her beauty. Her wavy blond hair that fell perfectly against her face, her green eyes that sparkled when light hit them correctly, her perfectly shaped lips and her glowing white teeth. His tongue darts out of his mouth and glides over his bottom lip once and then he rubs his lips together. He swallows then cups Emilia's cheek. She stares at him knowing exactly what he is about to do. She places her tea down on the coffee table in front of her then presses both her hands to Ryan's chest.
She tilts her head down and shakes it. "Ryan don't. You can't just kiss me and make everything better. I don't even know you," she closes her eyes tightly and stands up from the couch.
Ryan balls both his hands into fists. He fucked up again. That was all he knew what to do now, fuck up. He stands up as well and creases his eyebrows. He presses his fingertips to his temples and groans. "I don't know how to act around you. I like you. You're beautiful and for once a normal girl. You don't want to be on my dick. Just, ugh. I'm going to stop bothering you, just know that I ran because I didn't want to hurt you," he says then groans loudly, his hands shaking. "That's all I know how to do. Fucking hurt people. Gah," he screams and then kicks at the air with all of his frustration.
Emilia doesn't let this bother her. she steps closer to him and places a hand on his arm. She looks at her with watery eyes. "I'm a big girl Ryan, I don't let guys ruin me," she tells him softly.
Ryan breathes deeply over and over again to control himself. He gets himself to nod in response to what she just said. "I just don't want to hurt you," he softly says.
"I know," she whispers back.
Emilia-Rose swallows hard catching Ryan's attention. She sighs and looks down at the ground taking a step back. She presses her back to the door and gestures for him to come in. Ryan stays frozen in shock she was letting him but at the same time he didn't know if she really was. He continues to stand still just waiting for the okay.
"Come in," she softly mumbles, it was barely noticeable but to Ryan it was like she shouted it at him.
It was his turn to swallow hard as he stepped inside to the small apartment on top of the book store. The smell of a cinnamon tea fills his nose. His eyes roll back enjoying it. The sound of Emilia closing the door startles him and he turns to look at her.
"I need to slam it shout or it won't close," she says softly. She walks passed Ryan and into her small kitchen. She grabs her mug that she had pour tea into and then makes her way to the living room.
He stands still, hesitant to follow after her. Emilia sits down at looks over to him. She sighs bringing her mug to her lips and taking a long slow sip of tea. Ryan breathes in through his nose letting it out slowly through his mouth and makes his way to the couch. He sits down next to her but doesn't look at her.
He keeps the silent going processing different scenes in his head. One sticks out to him but he knew it would scare her and to be honest, he didn't have the balls to do it. He wasn't ready to just leap at someone and have his life change. He couldn't continually be the guy that got all the girls just because he liked sex so much or even because of who he was. Drugs, alcohol, sex, they all need to be put into the past. No matter how hard he knew this was for him, he needs to change his ways.
He closes his eyes tightly and tells himself go for it. He looks at Emilia and takes in her beauty. Her wavy blond hair that fell perfectly against her face, her green eyes that sparkled when light hit them correctly, her perfectly shaped lips and her glowing white teeth. His tongue darts out of his mouth and glides over his bottom lip once and then he rubs his lips together. He swallows then cups Emilia's cheek. She stares at him knowing exactly what he is about to do. She places her tea down on the coffee table in front of her then presses both her hands to Ryan's chest.
She tilts her head down and shakes it. "Ryan don't. You can't just kiss me and make everything better. I don't even know you," she closes her eyes tightly and stands up from the couch.
Ryan balls both his hands into fists. He fucked up again. That was all he knew what to do now, fuck up. He stands up as well and creases his eyebrows. He presses his fingertips to his temples and groans. "I don't know how to act around you. I like you. You're beautiful and for once a normal girl. You don't want to be on my dick. Just, ugh. I'm going to stop bothering you, just know that I ran because I didn't want to hurt you," he says then groans loudly, his hands shaking. "That's all I know how to do. Fucking hurt people. Gah," he screams and then kicks at the air with all of his frustration.
Emilia doesn't let this bother her. she steps closer to him and places a hand on his arm. She looks at her with watery eyes. "I'm a big girl Ryan, I don't let guys ruin me," she tells him softly.
Ryan breathes deeply over and over again to control himself. He gets himself to nod in response to what she just said. "I just don't want to hurt you," he softly says.
"I know," she whispers back.