When It Became Over Powering

Ryan awoke in a hazy state; he looked around trying to place his location. It hurt too much to open his eyes so he shut them again. He tried to recollect what he had done the night before. The only memory he had was stopping at a liquor store and racing home, he didn’t even bother to get out of the car before he started. He felt around and found that yes, he had slept in his car. He forced his eyes open and sat up. His head was swimming; luckily he kept Tylenol in the glove compartment. He got out of the car, and moved to the driver’s seat. He reached into the glove compartment and struggled to open the bottle of Tylenol.

“God Dammit,” He mumbled in frustration.

Finally he got it open and shook a few out. He looked around for something to wash down the pills and found his half empty Vodka bottle. He hated Vodka but put the pills in his mouth and brought the bottle to his mouth. He coughed and scrunched up his nose, he then looked at the label.

“Fucking cheap shit” He mumbled, noting how it tasted like rubbing alcohol.

A friendly smile kept popping into his head he couldn’t quite place it, warm and genuine. He couldn’t place the smile but knew that whoever it belonged to was probably good company for him. Good company. . . .Good company . . . he slammed his fist on the steering wheel.

“Fuck.”

Emilia-Rose, he was with her. He didn’t remember much about last night but he remembered he wanted to fuck her, and he could have too but he didn’t want to do that to her. She was the first person to try and reach out to him, so he ran out. He left her he remembered glancing back and seeing her perplexed expression.

Guilt gnawed away at his insides, one person, one fucking person tries to help and he fucks it up, way to go Ross, way to go. He searched his pockets and found his keys. Driving probably wasn’t a good idea right now, but it’s the only plan he had. He put the key in the ignition and turned it, the engine came to life.

He picked up the bottle of Vodka and gulped down a good amount, to calm his nerves. He clicked the remote to open the garage door. He backed out of the driveway and clicked the remote once more.

He wasn’t even two blocks away from his house when he heard sirens behind him.



Her heels clicked against the concrete he followed her out to her car. She’d been silent the whole time. She suddenly came to a halt and turned to him.

“I wasn’t going to get involved, I mean yeah I was going to bail you out leave you at home and leave, pretend it never happened. I-just, Jesus Ry what the hell were you thinking? You could have killed someone! You could have killed yourself dammnit!”

He was afraid to meet Keltie’s eyes. He would have called someone else to bail him out but the only number he knew off the top of his head was Keltie’s. He felt bad; she was at work when he had called. There it was again, her doing what she loved and there he was getting in the way again. He had half expected her to hang up or tell him to go fuck himself, all she said was to hold on; and before he knew it, she was there bailing him out. She was too nice for her own good, he had to keep his distance or he’d end up hurting her again.

“Sorry.”

She shook her head, “Don’t apologize to me this is about you, how could you do that, I mean what was running through your mind?”

He finally met her eyes and saw that instead of anger they were filled with concern which made him feel worse. He never wanted to disappoint her, which in retrospect was why it didn’t work out with her; he had loved her but as more of a mother figure than anything. When he didn’t answer she continued walking. He followed closely behind she unlocked her car and he slinked around to the passenger door and sat quietly unsure of how to tell her what he was doing.

“So how’s life been?”

She gave him a small smile, “it’s been okay. Lately I’ve realized I’m the oldest dancer at the parties, and I guess I’m just starting to realize my dance career is practically over, and all I’ll have left are these broken hipbones and some old memories. You know?”

Ryan nodded, she’d always worn her heart on her sleeve it was one of the qualities he’d envied about her.

“But I mean I’ve lasted longer than most, and I’ve got all these other things going on as a result
of my career; so it just goes to show you that every cloud has it’s silver lining,” she said giving one of those huge toothy smiles Ryan had missed.

“I’m trying to get better,” He whispered almost hoping she wouldn’t hear.

“Really, well the court date aside, that is wonderful,” Her tone conveying encouragement, “you know I have faith in you. What brought this decision about?”

He shrugged and focused on the passing scenery, “I’m just . . . sick of being alone. Of not knowing where I am or how I got there. I’m sick of feeling lost, of feeling like I’m not in control of my own actions.”

She gave a nod, “If you ever need help I’m here you know that right?”

He smiled; just like that they were okay again. She was far too nice for her own good, sure she was pretty much the most insane person Ryan knew; but it was still nice to know he had someone to count on.

“I heard you wrote a book.”

She nodded, “yeah one of the many things I’ve currently got going.”

“Am I in it?” He asked knowing full well that she would tell everything in a book.

“Yeah, you’re in it.”

“I guess now people will know what a shitty boyfriend I was. I guess it’s a good thing but we were happy once, right?”

She smiled another one of her huge genuine smiles, “The way we ended was bad everything else was fun”

He shrugged and looked away from her, “It’s the finale that sticks with people, if it’s a shit ending it just seems like everything that happened before was pointless.”

It was the most honest thing he had said to anyone in a while, and he felt a little better saying it because it’s how he felt about his life at the moment.

“Well who says the book is over, we could still have the good times Ry we just need to start a new chapter as friends. The book isn’t over until you decide it is.”

He looked up and met her eyes for a second before she turned her attention to the road. It was nice to be able to talk about things without ever having to really talk about what he’s feeling, she was always good at that; allowing him to stay in his own world.

“Yeah I know. Do you think you could drop me off at a book store?”

“I have to get back to work; I’m not going to be able to take you back home afterwards.”

“No problem I’ll walk, it’ll probably be good for me.”



He looked at the counter and she wasn’t there. He walked around all the shelves and piles of books; nothing. He reached into his pockets and found some change; He went up to the counter and ordered a black coffee.

He took his coffee and went to his usual spot, he figured he’d just sit and wait for her to come in. When he finally caught a glimpse of blonde hair he sat up so quickly he spilt the remains of his cold coffee on his shirt. He ignored it and moved quickly to where she was. She was talking to the girl behind the counter.

“Emilia-Rose”

She turned saw him shook her head and started walking away.

“Wait please!”

She walked through a door marked employees only.

He knocked on the door, “Emilia let me explain, please.”

He knocked and knocked, he turned and glared at the girl behind the counter she watched him seeming amused.

“Emilia please,” he whined.

“The door is unlocked,” The girl behind the counter sounded bored.

Ryan pulled the door open, annoyed that the girl didn’t say anything until she was no longer amused by watching him make an idiot of himself. He walked inside; it was a back room with more books, a small fridge and a table with a few chairs, and stairs leading up. He knew the building had a second story but he didn’t know that it was in use. He assumed it was more storage so he slowly ascended the stairway. He came to another door he tried to open it but it was locked. He knocked. There was no reply so he knocked again.

“Emmie please,” he plead.

He heard the door lock click, and the door opened a tiny bit. Emilia-rose peeked out through the sliver of open door. He looked over her head and noticed the upstairs part of the store was decorated like a house.

“You live here?” He asked, he had always assumed she was just an employee, he’d never thought of her as the owner.

She gave a small nod. He gave her a smile hoping she’d return it, when she didn’t he almost left. But 'start a new chapter' was playing over and over in his mind. “Can I come in? I have to talk to you.”