God Hates Us

By about four in the morning, I’m starting to get tired. “I’m going to bed.” Then, out of old habit, I add, “’Night.”

“’Night, Cass,” the boys chorus. I head upstairs, closing the door quietly behind me.

I really don't want to sleep in the same clothes I’ve worn all day. Looking around the room, my eyes rest for a minute on the dark-wood wardrobe; I walk over and pull the door open, then stop, staring at what’s inside.

...Where’d he get those?

Johnny! I call silently, then wait.

Sure enough, a few seconds later I can hear footsteps coming up the stairs. The door opens and he comes in, looking concerned.

“What’s wrong?”

I point wordlessly to the wardrobe; he walks over and looks inside, then exhales sharply.

“Ah. Yeah.”

“Where’d you get all this?” I ask flatly.

“Uh...”

“You took it from my apartment, didn’t you.”

“...Yeah.” He looks shifty.

“You- You can’t just break into people’s homes and steal their stuff!”

“I thought,” he says, his tone growing heated, “that you’d feel less like a prisoner if you had some of your things from home, that’s all.”

...Oh.

He seems upset, and deliberately doesn't look at me as he sits on the edge of the bed, arms folded.

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “I didn’t realise...”

“It’s okay. I should’ve asked.” He looks up, his eyes hopeful. “Forgive me?”

“’Course.” I on the bed next to him and lean my head on his shoulder. “So can I wear some of my own clothes now?”

He laughs. “Go ahead.”

“Sweet!” I reach into the wardrobe, pulling out a handful of clothes and chucking it on the bed. “Hmmm...” Digging through the pile, I manage to find my Nightmare Before Christmas pyjama bottoms and my favourite too-big Bullet For My Valentine shirt. He chuckles as I pull them on. “What?” I ask, amused by his reaction.

“Nothing. They suit you.” His attempt at a straight face fails completely.

I open my mouth to retort but my witty comeback is replaced by a sharp “Holy mother of-!” as a large black spider crawls out from the pile of clothes and scuttles towards me. I leap to my feet, throwing myself away from the creature. It’s bizarre how I can face vampires, real cold-blooded killers, with no qualms, yet I’m terrified of spiders. It just doesn't make sense.

I’m brought back to reality by the sound of Johnny’s laugh. Looking back at the bed, I see him shaking his head, then, fast as lightning, bring his hand down on top of the spider, picking it up in his fist.

“Oh, that’s just wrong.”

He suddenly looks thoughtful. “I could use this...”

“Don't even think about it.”

He laughs again at my reaction. “I didn’t mean you. I meant, when they ask why I came upstairs, I can tell them you wanted me to get rid of the spider in your room.”

I raise my eyebrows. “Smart.”

“Mmm hmm.” He glances down at the hand holding the spider, then stops and looks thoughtful again. “They’re getting curious. I’d better get back down.”

“Okay.” I keep my distance from the hand holding the spider as I walk back across the room and hug him quickly, kissing him on the cheek. “Now go!”

“Okay, okay.” He waves his free hand as the door closes, and I hear his footsteps receding down the stairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Within a week, it’s announced that we’re all to be sent to our rooms again by Matt’s quest for happiness with his new human girlfriend. I heard them talking about it and, to my surprise, Matt sounds serious. He really likes this girl. That means that tonight should have been mine and Johnny’s movie night.

Then, Matt’s plans changed. Instead of just having the girl over, the boys decided to invite a load of their friends over for music and drinks. This doesn't bother me; I can just sit and watch some movies on my own until they’ve gone.

“You know how to work it, right?” Johnny asks, handing me the laptop.

That doesn't even deserve an answer, I reply non-verbally.

He laughs. “Alright.”

“You don't entertain very often, do you?” I smile. He’s nervous...bless him.

Looking mildly affronted, he seems to be trying to think of a comeback, but changes his mind. “No,” he admits, with an embarrassed smile.

“It’ll be fine. Just get down there, have some fun, get rid of them and come back up, yeah?”

“That simple.” He grins unconvincingly.

Opening the laptop, I glance up and give him a mental shove towards the door. “Go on!”

“Fine...” he grumbles, but goes, giving me a quick wink before the door shuts. The lock clicks; I'm not entirely surprised. The only difference between now and the last time they locked that door is that last time, it was to keep me in. Now it’s to keep others out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The second movie’s almost over when, to my dismay, the screen goes blank and a box appears in the middle.

Low battery. Great.

Looking up, I cast my eye over the room in search of the power cable. Nope, not here. He must’ve left it in his room.

It shouldn’t be a problem; everyone’s downstairs enjoying the party anyway, so who’s gonna see me? Getting up, I go over to the dressing table and grab one of the old-fashioned hair clips I found in a drawer a few days ago. By twisting it a little, and bending the clasp so that it’s at a strange angle, I’ve transformed the pin into a serviceable lock-pick.

The door swings open and immediately the music seems louder. This I'm grateful for, as it masks my hesitant footsteps across the landing to Johnny’s room. I pause at the door, listening (just in case).

Nothing.

No; wait. There is someone in there. A female someone. Giggling.

Then, I hear another voice which makes my blood run cold.

“No, Nikki! I told you-!” Johnny sounds exasperated.

“But you want it, Johnny. You know you do.”

“I said, no!”

“That’s not the message I’m getting, honey.”

There’s a soft thump, then another giggle, followed by silence.

I can't take it anymore; the door isn’t closed properly, so I don't have to turn the handle to push it open enough to poke my head round the door. The sight that greets me is one I never expected or wanted to see.

Johnny’s sitting on his bed, his back against the wall, with a girl – a naked girl! – kneeling on the covers in front of him. His shirt is unbuttoned and she’d fiddling with the zip on his jeans. She doesn't notice I’m here, but suddenly Johnny spots me over her shoulder. His eyes widen in shock and he opens his mouth as if to say something, but it’s too late. I’m outta there.

Seconds later, I’m back in my room, sitting on the bed facing the barred window.

How could he do this to me?

He told me he loved me. He’s risked everything for me, and now this? I can't believe it.

Well, believe it, honey, because it’s the truth. He used you, and you fell for it, the inner voice sneers, mocking me as tears start to run down my cheeks. I lie down on my side, still facing the window, and let the tears soak my pillow, willing myself to fall asleep. But the welcome darkness won’t come. Instead, my mind just replays the scene I just witnessed, over and over, like a broken record, with the same sentence echoing in my head like a voiceover on a bad movie.

He used you... He used you...

He used you.