Fall

“I’m gonna go to the bar, want anything?” Justin asked me once The Summer Set’s set ended.

“Boooze bad,” Jay scolded him with a wag of his little chubby finger. His bright green eyes were staring eye-level into Justin’s brown eyes, trying to make him to rethink his decision.

“Not if you’re 21 or older, buddy,” Justin told him, ruffling the mess of hair on top of my son’s hair.

“Nah,” I replied, answering Justin’s previous question. “Go hang out with your boys,” I encouraged him with a forced smile.

“Alright, I’ll be back,” he said, kissing my temple before he made his way out into the screaming crowd. “Try not to miss me too much.”

“Highly unlikely,” I retorted, “I have this little bundle to keep me company,” I added, bouncing Jay on my hip and tickling his side, making him giggle. I also didn’t dare verbally announce that I was still mad at him for not telling me.

And with a wink and a crooked smile he vanished behind the curtains towards the bar. I didn’t have much time alone before my son was ripped out of my hands and a sweaty body was wrapped around me.

“Rahh,” was the sound I heard in my ear as John wrapped his sweaty body around me.

“Uck, John, you’re so disgusting!” I exclaimed as I tried to squirm out of his wet and sticky grasp. I don’t know how it’s possible for someone to sweat that much in a short period of time. In an attempt to squirm away, I ended up facing him chest to chest.

“It’s called man, baby,” he retorted wagging his bushy eyebrows up and down.

I laughed and pushed him away, “Yeah, well, man, you stink.”

“When can we get outta here?” Jobe addressed to his band. “I need some breezy time, if you catch my drift.” After he said that he wagged his eyebrows and fanned his crotch.
Jess piped in taking a break from Jay to scold Josh, “Uck, Jobe, that’s disgusting.”

“You know you want it, Jess.”

“I am not having this argument with you while our nephew is here,” she scolded him once more.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said as he closed the distance between them. “I won’t tell Stephen,” he whispered in her ear.

And Jess kicked him in the shin causing Josh to yelp in pain and Jay to burst out into a fit of laughter.

“Come on, Jay, we’re gonna go have fun and leave boring mommy and silly Josh here,” she cooed as she ruffled the mop of hair upon his little head.

I had to defend myself. Not everyone can be the fun relative. “I’m not boring!” I countered.

Josh pointed his finger at me and stared into my eyes. “That’s what you think.”

“We’ll take care of him, I promise,” Jess promised as she cuddled Jay in closer to her as if to never let him go. It was cute, really. Especially his little scrunched up face.

“Yeah, we haven’t had bonding time with him so we gotta jump on that,” John said in his best impersonation of Jess.

“You’re funny, John, really,” she said sarcastically, obviously not amused.

“Alright, Nat, so we’re gonna go because I need to teach this kid how to be a man,” Josh said as he pulled Jess and Jay away.

“I’ll watch him,” Jess mouthed back to me in reassurance.

“Bye Mo-ma!” Jay waved as he was pulled into the dressing room hallway.

“Have fun, baby!” I waved back to him and blew him a kiss.

Once they were nowhere in sight I pulled out my phone and started texting Justin asking him what he was up to and where he was, because there was no way in hell that I would be standing side-stage alone for this next set.

I didn’t get to finish my message because before I knew it I heard my name being called in a high-pitched voice and a small longhaired boy was jumping on me.

“NATALIEEEE!”

“Oh my god, hi, Pat.” I was startled, that’s twice today that I was surprise attacked by a band boy. Not that I’m complaining though, it just doesn’t do a heart well.

“I missed you so much! Where have you been!” he exclaimed as he talked a mile a minute, still not letting me out of his grasp.

“Here and there,” I replied to the latter question. “I missed you too.” I was sincere when I said that; I truly did miss him – all of them.

“Why didn’t you come visit me!” he screeched again, this time with big brown and sad eyes.

I didn’t notice it before but now I was all to conscious about the seven other boys in the room watching us intently. My eyes met with his briefly before I looked back down at Pat. “I was busy,” I choked out.

“That’s no excuse!”

I didn’t get to respond to his last outburst because Kennedy yelled at him. “Pat, let go of her, we gotta go.”

Complying, Pat let go of me. But before he turned to go join his friends on stage, his big puppy-dog eyes bore into mine as he said, “You better watch us side stage.”

“I promise I won’t move,” I said with a smile. He smiled back and ran on stage clapping his drumsticks together.

As much as I didn’t want to stay, I did. Firstly because I didn’t have anywhere else to go at the moment, and secondly because I wanted to see how much their music has grown.

I was able to get through some of the set, the first two songs actually. They played Inside of You and a new version of Everything I Ask For. It was on that third song that I just couldn’t bare to stand there any longer. It was pure and utter torture, and I don’t know why I was doing this to myself. It was on that song that I bolted out of there. I went to the back of the venue and sat on the railing to the ramp outside across from where all the musicians’ vans were parked.

I couldn’t let him do this. I couldn’t let him control my head with a stupid, silly, little song, especially when everything was – well, getting somewhere. I rationed that the song was most likely already a part of their set, but even if it was, he didn’t have to keep looking at me and singing it. Just feeling his hypnotizing green eyes on me sent me into a frenzy; it made my skin get goose bumps, and my cheeks redden, and sent my mind back in time to that night. That night he first sung me that song. That one night oh so long ago that I realized and accepted the fact that I was completely, utterly, and madly in love with John Cornelius O’Callaghan the fifth.
______________________________________________________________________

I was sitting on the banged up railing, staring into the black nothingness of the night. I watched as bands finished packing up their vans; some were smoking, others leaving. I wasn’t doing much wasting time. I didn’t bother finding Justin because I didn’t want to ruin his fun, and I didn’t want to hang out with the rest of the guys. I wanted to be alone because I never get time to myself anymore.

I started to think. I thought about life – mostly about the future though. Would my career take off? Will I still be living with Justin after I graduate? Will the band succeed? Can I give Jay everything life has to offer? Will I marry? Who would I marry? Would I be able to start a new life? Will I ever be with –

My train of thought was cut off by his husky voice.

“Hey,” he said as he took a seat on the railing next to me.

“Hey,” I replied, not daring to look at him.

“How’d you like the show?” he asked to make casual conversation.

“It was great,” I told him honestly. “You all got so much better than the last time I heard you play.” I was looking at my Vans, they seemed to be the most interesting thing in the world right now.

He replied, “Yeah, we try.” I could hear the smile in his voice. He always got really giddy when he talked about his music.

“And the fans seem to love it.”

“That’s the goal, I guess.”

“Yeah…” I trailed off because I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I would leave, but I think going back inside would be worse and the least I could do stay and have an awkward chat with John.

“You left the set early,” he stated. “Pat was pretty peeved.” He chuckled slightly at what I assumed to be Pat’s facial expression when he realized I wasn’t there.

John’s laugh would always be able to make me laugh.

“Yeah, I had things to do,” I told him, adding, “And I’m sure he’ll get over it soon. He always does. That boy can’t stay mad if his life depended on it.” We both laughed at the accuracy of my statement.

“You are completely correct.” I caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye. He was wearing a black beanie and black leather jacket. His luscious hair was completely covered, his signature smile was adorning his lips, and his eyes were fixated on his combat boots.

“When am I not?” I countered, finally bringing myself to look at him fully.

He chuckled and looked right back at me. Any joking matter left the premises when green met brown. “Where’d Jay go?” he asked and I gave him a questioning look, hoping that he didn’t see him here. “I saw him coming out of the bathroom with Justin, and hearing his name being called out on stage just kind of confirmed that too,” he continued, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck completing that habit that he had whenever he was nervous.

“Jess and the guys wanted to bond with him,” I told him curtly, looking back at the parked vans so I didn’t have to face him.

“Oh,” John sounded disappointed. “Did he see our set?” I could hear the slight hope radiating from his voice.

“I don’t think so,” I told him honestly. “Jess took him once they got off, and I don’t know what they were up to after that.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

“So when can I meet him?” he asked. I knew he was looking at me now, waiting for an answer and taking in my every action to see any form of doubt manifesting.

“Um… Sunday or Wednesday should be fine. The guys leave Sunday morning.”

“Okay,” he nodded his head, mulling over the dates I gave him. “Sunday sounds good.”

“Okay,” I smiled up at him slightly before looking off into the distance again. Now that we got that out of the way he could leave me to my thoughts now.

The awkward silence enveloped us, and leave it to John to break the silence.

“Everyone misses you, you know.”

He caught me off guard. “What?”

“The guys,” he clarified, “We all miss you. You were gone for a really long time and didn’t talk to any of us.”

“You all knew why I didn’t want to be around.”

“Yeah, but you still could have picked up the phone once in a while. Especially –“

I cut him off, anger boiling inside of me, “And you guys could have too. The phone works both ways.” Seriously, who did he think he was? He was probably too busy fucking other girls and getting wasted to worry about his baby momma.

He looked over at me and said, “I’m sorry.”

“So you’ve been saying.” I hopped off of the railing and started to make my way back towards the door.

“I –“ he began.

“I – I gotta go,” I told him. “It’s past Jay’s bedtime.” With that I ran off back inside the Marquee to find any friendly face that wasn’t John O’Callaghan.

“Nat – Natalie, wait!” I heard him call after me, but I wasn’t stopping. There was no way in hell. If John wanted to have a heart-to-heart he could do it at some other time with some other girl, because I am going to avoid him and his traps at all costs.

The place cleared out and there were only a few fans left taking pictures with the band members. I spotted Justin with Jay and Ryan over by the bar. Justin saw me enter and flagged me over.

“Where were you?” he asked as he threw an arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple.

“Talking to an old friend,” I replied, kissing him back.

“You ready to go?” Ryan asked as he dangled the car keys from his finger.

I smiled, “Yeah.”

I leaned up and pressed my lips to Justin’s for a moment again. I then took a sleeping Jay out of Justin’s arms and cradled him to me, kissing the top of his forehead. As we walked away I saw John standing in the doorway, most likely watching us the whole time.