Fall

“Hey, Jenny. Thanks for watching him.”

I was running around like crazy trying to get myself ready for school since I had a huge Microeconomics test. Since the Justin, Ryan, and the other guys aren’t around the days I have school and work are a little hectic, but thank god for Jenny. She changed around her work schedule for the next few weeks in order to watch Jay for me; I literally owe this woman my career, and my life at that.

“No problem, sweetheart. I love hanging out with my best grandbaby.” She replied as she took the bowl of used milk out of my hand and placed it on the nearest surface. Jenny then picked up Jay and kissed his little button nose making him giggle his adorable giggle.

My boy blushed. “I’m your only gamma.”

She kissed him again, once on each chubby cheek before placing him back down on the hardwood floor. “And that’s why you’re the best.”

Like the good mommy’s boy he his, Jay ran over to me to give me a hug and a big kiss goodbye before I left for the day. “Bye, Jay. I love you,” I told him, like I tell him multiple times every day. I don’t want him to never ever feel unloved or unwanted because he is the most amazing thing to happen to my life and I could not imagine a world without him.

“Wuve you too Mo-ma.”

“Bye, Jenny,” I waved to her before heading towards the door.

“Have a good day, Nattie!”
__________________________________________________

Work was a bore as always. I had to wait tables instead of being the hostess that Jaime promised me I’d be until school settled down. Not to be a bitch or anything, but I think it’s because I turned him down for a date when he found out Justin was going away a few weeks ago.

Of course with my luck, six very familiar musicians and their manager just had to be seated in my block of tables. Jared, Kennedy, Pat, Garrett, Austin, and Tim were seated at their table and I sucked in a breath before walking over to them – god knows what’s going to come out of their mouth’s now that John is ever present and around for Jay.

“Hey Natalie!” Kennedy greeted me with his slightly gapped and sweet smile.

“Oh, hey boys,” I said pretending that I didn’t watch them walk in and prayed they’d be seated in Jenna’s block. “How’ve you been?”

“We’ve been good,” Tim answered for them all of course, “Yourself?”

I nodded my head slightly as I sometimes do when answering questions, “Hanging in there as always.”

“That doesn’t seem so reassuring,” Jared smiled.

I dismissed his comment with a wave of my hand, “I’m just stressed is all.”

Austin had to pipe in with something sassy, “About what? Don’t you run the world?”

“Yeah don’t you have people to solve your problems for you?” Oh, Pat. Sweet, sweet Pat.

“Funny, guys,” I rolled my eyes. “But no world domination yet, I have other priorities.” I flipped my notepad to hopefully send a silent signal that I was ready to take their orders, but of course they didn’t get the hint.

“How is he?” It was Garrett who asked this – no doubt he was getting little updates when he talked to Rach.

“Perfect, and a handful as always,” I responded and then backtracked, “My plans have settled down a bit, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“We could help out if you want, ya know,” Jared offered batting his green freckled eyes, “We’re not touring or anything so we’re just chillin’.”

“Thanks, but I got it,” I reassured him, “I have a nanny taking care of him during the day.”

He continued, “Okay. Just know we’re here for you even though we haven’t been around much.”

I smiled genuinely back at him. “Thanks, Jare.”

“And we promise we won’t tell John,” Pat piped in, “Anything. Even that we saw you and you work here.” He was always one of my favorites – such a genuine and eternal boy no matter how old he gets.

Little did they know, John was fully aware of where of was most of the day, unfortunately. And I guess to his defense I am a tad predictable - but still, it’s creepy.

“Thank you, Patrick.” When the conversation faltered a bit I decided it was about time to get back to work, “Now what can I get for you guys?”

“Free food?” Garrett suggested with a keen eye.

“No can do, but good try.”

“Dammit!” He nearly shrieked.

“Language, you’re in public,” I scolded him; not only could he get in trouble with my manager, but so could I, and I’m not on Jaime’s list of favorite people at the moment.

Garrett bowed his head and mumbled, “Yes, mom.”
_____________________________________________________________

After a hard day at work and an extremely generous tip from the guys I bounded home in a good mood, surprisingly. I walked into the apartment to see Jenny sitting at the counter, a paper in her hands, and her glasses sitting promptly on her nose.

“Hey. Where’s Jay?” I asked after not seeing my son skip from wherever he was to give me a hello hug.

She placed the paper on the counter. “He’s in his room.”

“How was he today?” I asked cautiously, I was getting a weird vibe from her like something just wasn’t right.

She smiled brightly like a grandmother would when she’s raving about her grandchild, “He was great. A little ball of energy though, not that I’m complaining.”

“As long as he didn’t throw a tantrum I consider that a successful day,” I said as I dropped my bags on the couch.

“Natalie, honey, we need to talk.” No matter who they are coming from, those words are the worst four words to hear.

“Okay, about what?”

“John stopped by today,” she told me and then continued on, “How he found out you lived here or that I was over here today is beyond me.”

“I – “ I tried to explain to her John’s place in Jay’s life now but Jenny just kept on going.

“He walked in here like he knew the place. Good thing Jay was sleeping so he didn’t see him.”

When she broke I was able to answer, “I actually invited John over a few days ago.”

Her face lit up with complete shock. “What? Really?”

“Yeah,” I confirmed. “We started talking again a few weeks ago. And then he spotted me and Jay in the park one day and now wants visitation with him.”

“Oh, honey I’m so sorry.” She crossed the distance between us and then engulfed me in a hug.

“Thanks,” I said when she pulled away. “But strangely I’m okay with it. Jay’s only hung out with him once before, but I think deep down he knows because he’s being strangely okay with all of this. He wanted to go run off to band practice with John, and it took Justin and I weeks to get him to go with the guys.”

I could see the wheels turning in her head, and just knew she had something important to say on the matter. “I don’t want to pry or get in the way or anything, but I just want to tell you that you have to be on your guard if you’re going to be around John. I just don’t want you to get hurt again, because, let’s face it, we both know my son.”

She tucked my hair behind my ear like a mother would do to her daughter when she needed reassurance. “I know,” I told her, “And I don’t plan on falling for him again. I’m just going to be civil for the sake of my son.”

“As much as I’d love for the two of you to get married and give me lots more cute grandbabies, I know that’s not in the cards for you two anymore,” she said with a sad smile gracing her lips. “Ross on the other hand…” she joked.

I had to smile at her attempts to keep me officially in the family all the time. “Sorry, Jenny, we’re just friends,” I told her for the millionth time since I’ve known her.

“Gosh darn it. What about Shane?”

“We’ll see.”

We both shared a good laugh before Jay came pidder-pattering into the room and attacked me with a hug.

“Mo-ma!” he screamed like it was a battle cry before he reached me.

I got down on his level like I always do and engulfed his slightly chubby body in my arms. “Baby! I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Mo-ma.”

I pulled away and looked him in his beautiful emerald eyes before asking, “Did you and grandma have a good day?”

“Yeah. Jawn came over!”

I played dumb,“He did?”

“Yeah, he’s still here too!” I didn’t know whether to be mad at John for still being here or to brush it off because of how happy it makes Jay.

“Oh is he, I’m going to have to have a word with him.” I went for the former and to yell at John.

Jay went to the door of his room and called John out, “Jawn! Mo-ma wants you!”

“Yes?” He came right out with his hand tousling his hair, which in John-speak means he’s nervous about something. And with good right he should be! No one barges into my house uninvited.

“I’m gonna get out of here,” Jenny said, knowing to leave us alone and to our business; she could probably sense the mouthful I was going to give John, and whatever I left out tonight she’d make up for the next time she saw him. “Bye, Natalie,” she gave me a kiss on the cheek and then nodded to her son, “John.”

“Thanks, Jenny.” I thanked her again for the favor.

She smiled back at me, “Anytime, sweetheart.”

“Bye, Mom,” John mumbled.

Jenny and I both shot him daggers.

“Sorry.” He mouthed.

“Jay, sweetie, can you go put your toys away and clean up for bedtime?” I asked him once Jenny shut the door behind her.

“Yes, Mo-ma,” he obeyed and then ran off into his room.

Once I knew that Jay was out of earshot I turned to John. “What are you doing here, John?” I nearly spat.

He shrugged his shoulders like it was the most obvious and simplest thing in the world, “I came to see Jay.”

If looks could kill, John would have been stabbed by the daggers I was shooting him from the moment Jay left the room. “It’s Thursday, you know I’m at school.”

“Yeah, well… I wanted to see who was watching him,” he shrugged and spoke arrogantly like he had every right to be here and that his actions were perfectly justified.

By this time my arms were crossed across my chest and my foot was just about ready to get a tapping. “Were you satisfied?”

“I didn’t know you were friends with my mom.” He was looking down at his feet when he said this, showing some vulnerability.

“She’s his grandmother, John. I’m not going to stop her from seeing him.”

His jaw dropped open and his eyes grew wide with slight fury, “But you were going to stop me from even knowing him?”

I brushed it off, “That’s not the point.”

“It doesn’t have to be. She’s my mother, she would have told me about my son eventually. She’s not that great at hiding things.”

I chuckled to myself and mumbled, “She’s been doing a pretty good job at it.” I wasn’t going to have this argument with him so I went to the kitchen to see if I could do some cleaning. And if John got out of hand at least there would be knives and other weapons in close proximity.

“Face it, Natalie,” he rose his voice slightly, “You don’t want me anywhere near you or our son.” I cringed at the emphasis on those words, I hated thinking of Jay as shared because he’s purely and solely mine. “You want him all to yourself and you want him to grow up thinking Justin’s his father.”

I spun around with the dish I was drying in my hand and countered, “That’s not true!”

“Look, Nat, I know and now I’m not going anywhere. And you’re just going to have to get used to that. Jay’s warmed up to me, which means the only thing in between us is you.” I couldn’t handle the underlying arrogance in his voice - it was getting to me. The thought of this selfish, disloyal bastard coming into my home and telling me what to do with my son was making me livid, and if he didn’t leave soon I would probably do something I’d regret.

I gritted my teeth, pointed towards the door, and spat, “Get out,” trying to hold everything so I didn’t either scream and alarm Jay, or close the distance and strangle John.

“Fine by me,” he scoffed as he backed up, “But you can’t keep me out forever.”

I wanted to scream out to the world and curse him off right then and there. I wanted to tell him to fuck off and smack him around a little for putting me through such emotional heartaches again and again. He makes me so angry all the time and the only thing stopping me from going bat-shit crazy was knowing Jay was just a doorway away and could hear everything if my voice rose up the slightest octave.

Once John was out of slight I huffed and puffed over to the couch where I just plopped down belly down and screamed into a pillow.

“Mo-ma are you o-tay?” my baby was at my side stroking my hair in a comforting manner.

I looked up at him, trying my best not to let him detect the tears in my eyes. “Yeah, baby, I’m fine.”

“Why are you crying?” he looked me in the eyes and wiped a stray drop out from under my eye. Nothing got passed him at all.

“I’m just tired, baby.”

“Come on Mo-ma, let’s go naptime,” he grabbed my hand and led me to my room.

Jay pulled back the covers on my side of the bed before he demanded me to get in and go to sleep. He tucked me in before running to the other side of the bed and climbing in himself. My little boy cuddled up next to me and tried his hardest to hold and comfort me despite his tiny size.

“I love you, Jay, with all my heart.”

“I wuve you too, Mo-ma.”

I will love this child and give him all the adoration in the world. He is mine and no one can take that away from me. Well, that’s what I thought when I gave birth to him. Who knew that everything could take a turn for the worse?