Fall

I was sitting on the couch staring at the books in front of me because I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation I had with John today. I was now sitting on the couch, swamped in books, trying to do my assignments since, oddly, no one was around when I got home at 6pm. But my studying attempts were to no avail once Ryan walked through the door.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked me, most likely noticing that I was staring blankly at the white pages laid out on my lap in front of me, not even trying to retain any information.

“Yeah, just peachy.”

“Now I know something’s wrong,” he said as he chuckled at my choice of words. Ryan plopped down next to me, threw all my materials off of my lap and onto the floor, and then pulled me into him so that his arm was around me and my head was resting on his chest.

He didn’t have to verbally ask me what was wrong because I knew that’s the answer he was waiting for all along, so no words passed between us until I was ready to explain.

“I – I’ve been seeing John for the past few weeks,” I choked out quietly.

“What? Are you serious?” he sounded shocked, but there was some sort of other emotion hidden there, which dare I say is happiness? I couldn’t blame him for being shocked, I nearly spent two years avoiding the fucker and I’m willingly meeting him on a weekly basis. It must have been a total mindfuck. “I thought you were going to say you’re pregnant again,” he chuckled and let out a sigh of relief and smiled a bit. “Thank god. I don’t think I could handle another baby,” he leaned back against the back of the couch and let out a short breath.

“Yeah,” I answered him before I started to explain the situation further, “We ran into each other at Starbucks and he’s been meeting me there after school ever since.”

“Oh,” I felt him nod his head like he was mulling it over as he idly started playing with the hair in my ponytail. “You two gonna get back together or something?” he asked warily.

“Hell no. Are you insane?”

“Good,” he laughed at my straightforward answer. “Cause I think that’ll break little Godsey’s heart.”

“I told him about Jay,” I finally confessed and Ryan’s eyes widened. “Well he kinda saw me and him at the park and such when you guys were in Flagstaff, and then he grilled me about him today,” I finished.

“Rough.”

I sighed and buried my head deep into his chest, “Tell me about it.”

Ryan and I didn’t get much alone time to press and discuss the matter further because Justin walked through the door soon after.

“Alright, Man of Steele,” he called to Ryan as he walked through the door, noticing us sitting on the couch together. “Get your tushie out of here. It’s family time.” He placed Jay on his feet on the floor and went to place the bag of food on the counter.

Ryan stood up from the couch and I reluctantly let him. I felt bad that Justin was kicking him out of our place, but it was “family time” and I guess Ryan was just our roommate; though I really wanted him here to be my buffer. “Well I see that I’m just the random annoying person who lives in this household and tends to take care of the baby. I see how it is,” I see how he said before he grabbed him keys and started heading to the door, most likely going to Addie’s.

“Bye, Ry,” I called back to him, forcing a smile onto my face.

“See ya, Nat,” he said back, giving me a reassuring look to tell me that it’ll all be okay. “Later kiddo,” he patted Jay on the head as he passed by. “Daddy dildo,” he nodded to Justin and then left the building – well the apartment.

The three of us – Justin, Jay, and I sat down at the dining room table and ate our take-out Olive Garden. We sat and ate with the banter of idle chit-chat, but mostly we laughed at Jay’s antics and tried to keep him from making a complete mess out of everything. But, unfortunately, my boy is a messy eater.

Once we finished eating, Justin did the dishes while I put Jay in the bath and got him settled for bed. After all that was done Justin and I finally had a moment to ourselves, which we both spent curled up on the couch watching Keeping Up With the Kardashian’s.

“What’re our plans for tomorrow, my dear?” he asked randomly in a curious voice with an odd faux British accent.

“We have to register Jay for pre-school for the fall,” I informed him of the only definite thing on my next day’s agenda.

“Our boy’s growing up,” he mused, tightening his hold on me.

“I know,” I smiled, curling in closer to him and thinking about the past two wonderful and hectic years that I wouldn’t trade in for the world. “I can’t believe he got so big.”

“What about after that?” he questioned, bringing up the original topic of discussion.

“I don’t know. Hang out, I guess,” I shrugged, thinking about the most probable thing that would happen.

“Oh, okay,” he responded. We were watching Scott Disck be a total dick like usual before Justin spoke again. “TSS is playing the Marquee tomorrow night,” he told me. “Us guys were gonna go.”

“Oh,” I said, not sure how to respond to that.

“You wanna go too?”

I turned my head awkwardly to look up at him. “What about Jay?” I asked. As much as I would love to go see The Summer Set perform because it’s been so long, I was conflicted with the fact that the venue, the people and fans, and the blasting music would be too much for him to handle at this age. Also the fact that there would be no one to watch him because everyone we know would be at the show.

“He can come too,” Justin said happily like it was the most obvious solution in the world.

“I think he’s too young for all that noise.”

Justin smiled and tapped his chest in one of those ‘I got this’ taps and said, “I can get him some pro earplugs.”

“I don’t know,” I replied warily, still not liking the idea of my baby being in and running around such a small and probably packed venue.

“Come on, you haven’t seen your cousin in months,” he stated, nudging me. “I bet it’d mean a lot to her to have you and Jay there.”

He did it. He pulled the guilt trip card to get me to consider it, but I stayed strong and shook my head “no”.

“You know you want to go,” he whispered in my ear. “You haven’t been to a show in ages.” He was completely correct. I haven’t been to a single show since Jay was born, and that killed me. Even though I got a beautiful and healthy Jay, I feel like a part of me died then.

“Will the plugs be ready by tomorrow night?” I asked.

“As long as we go in early,” he replied, knowing he got me. “I know a guy.”

“I’m trusting you.”

“Would I ever mislead you?” he asked rhetorically as he held me close.

“No,” I whispered more to myself than anything.
__________________________________________________________________________

The morning came by far too quickly as early mornings usually do. As much as I wanted to lie in bed and sleep for another good four hours, I couldn’t. The Preliminary Board of Education for St. Gertrude’s Church Pre-School wouldn’t allow it. I rolled out of bed, noticing that Justin wasn’t lying there next to me. As confused as I was I took the time to quickly throw on clothes and make my way to the living area.

There I saw my three boys sitting at the dining room table eating three different boxes of cereal. I walked over to them, shaking my head to myself at their ability to make a simple breakfast.

“Mornin’, Mo-ma,” Jay greeted me happily as he shoved a bunch of cheerios in his mouth, not bothering to use the spoon he was given.

“Morning, baby,” I replied with a smile, kissing him on his plump little cheek. “I see you guys chose a very healthy breakfast,” I said sarcastically, aiming it at the older pair.

“Yup,” Ryan said, flashing me a pearly white smile. “Now sit down and pick your poison.”

I did as I was told and I watched and listened to my boys go on and on like I wasn’t even here – all three of them.

“Come on big boy time to go sign up for pre-school,” I said as I picked Jay up from his chair once he was clean and breakfast was over.

“Yay!” he squealed in excitement.

“Yeah, bud, you’re gonna make a lot of new friends,” Justin told him.

Ryan butted in with, “But there’s one rule.”

“Wat?” Jay asked, looking up at his uncle with big and bright green eyes.

“You’re not allowed to replace me,” Ryan said seriously, tapping Jay’s noise in the process. “I’m your best friend and I’ll cry if you make another.”

“He’s not going to school until the end of August, Ryan,” I informed the big baby.

“I’m just laying down some ground rules,” he told me with a shrug. “Drilling it into his little head,” he tapped Jay’s head and made the kid scrunch and giggle.

Getting Jay registered for Pre-K was pretty painless. We wrote down his name, filled in some paper work, paid for the tuition, and got a list of shots he needs to get before the first day of school. You could tell by his face that he was excited for the upcoming year once we walked into the school gymnasium and his jaw dropped at all the play things and bright lights reflecting on the floor. And if that didn’t convince me, the fact that he made a few friends while I was signing him up did. When we were ready to leave, Justin and I had to pry him away from one of those friends. This friend being a girl, and at that moment I saw his father in him and I hoped to god that he didn’t turn out that way.

After registration we went to the music store to get Jay fitted for some earplugs by Justin’s friend Troy. Luckily he told us that it wasn’t a problem and to come and pick them up at 5:30, on our way to the show.

Then the three of us went to the park to let Jay get out some of his energy and to just enjoy the beautiful day. I sat under a large tree in the shade as Jay went running around in the open grass picking at the little yellow weeds that he thinks are flowers as I waited for Justin to come back from getting lunch.

“Look what I brought,” he sing-songed when he was within my ear range, causing me to quickly turn to look at him once I saw Jay running back over this way.

Justin held up a wicket picnic basket and my jaw dropped in disbelief at how perfect and corny and cliché it was. “You didn’t.”

“Oh but I did,” he replied, taking the checkered blanket he brought for us to on and laid it down on the grass.

I shook my head, still not believing this was real. “How did you sneak that by me?”

We took a seat on the blanket and he started to unpack the basket while replying, “When you were putting Jay in his car seat I popped it in the trunk.”

“Sneaky bitch.”

“Bad, Mo-ma,” Jay scolded me with a wag of his finger.

I told him I was sorry and then he got up, handed me his bouquet of flowers, and kissed my cheek. I held him close to me and I kissed his head back.

By chance I just looked out in front of me and I noticed that John was standing over on the pathway a ways behind Justin. Our eyes locked and he gave me a small wave. I let Jay go and he went to chatting Justin’s ear off, giving me a short moment to give John a small smile and wave back. He then forced a smile back and went on his way to whatever he was doing beforehand.

“Who’s that?” Justin asked, noticing I was a little out of it as I looked over at the sidewalk.

“No one,” I said, shaking my head to shoo John out of my thoughts. “Just someone I know from school,” I lied with a shrug.

Unfortunately Jay must have taken notice to John being there moments before because he blurted out, “Mo-ma that’s the giraffe!”

“Yeah, baby,” I confirmed to him because I hated lying to my son, mostly because he knew nothing of it and trusts me and everything I say can affect his growth and life in general. “It is.”

Justin gave me an odd look, “Giraffe?”

I smiled at his confusion as to what we were talking about. “It’s a mother-son thing. You wouldn’t understand.” I flashed him a bright smile.

“Oh I wouldn’t now?” he countered rhetorically, pouncing, tackling me to the ground. Justin’s fingers flew to my sides; tickling me and making me cringe and flail around from the chills they sent through my body. “Come here kiddo,” he called to Jay, pulling him over to us and causing my baby to laugh. “Attack, mommy!” And attack mommy they did. Both boys were tickling me beyond belief to the point where I couldn’t breathe all that well because I was laughing so hard.

“No. Stop, stop. That - that tickles. Stop this is torture!” I yelled between laughs and gasps for oxygen.

All-in-all we had a wonderful lunch once they stopped tickling me, and Justin and I went to tickling and blowing raspberries on Jay’s tummy and cheeks. Oh, and the lunch Justin and Jay made this morning while I was sleeping was good too; damn that boy can make a mean sandwich.