Status: Complete
Bittersweet
1/1
Everything about the stone cottage nestled quaintly in the forest is familiar. The way the wind rustles the leaves of the trees aside gently and casts rays of sunshine on the shingles of the roof, how the golden retriever runs around the yard in a desperate chase against his own tail, and the way you sit on the front porch with a fond smile turned toward the beautiful young woman sitting beside you. It makes my heart ache to think that you once looked at me the exact same way, and though it pains me to admit it, you’ve never looked more at ease than you do now as I brave the long walk up the cobblestone driveway.
The woman beside you is laughing at something that you’ve said, and my gut clenches with a sort of longing, knowing that I’ll never have this. It’s selfish of me, I know, but I can’t help but wish I could have all of this back. I contemplate turning back the way I came when I see her bring her delicate hand to her slightly pronounced stomach, caressing it tenderly. Your eyes light up in wonder as you place a calloused hand over hers, and I can’t help but feel like I’m intruding on a private moment.
Your wife –I assume– beams at you as you marvel at the miracle that the both of you will soon be bringing into this world. How can one simple display of adoration make my heart feel like it will never beat again? I can’t help but wonder if she’s having a baby boy, like we used to talk about. You would say that baseball and fishing would be of the highest priority since that was how you and your father bonded. I would laugh and shake my head, wondering how I got so lucky to find you. You, who cared so much about every minute detail, you, whose curiosity would be the death of you, and you, the one who I was convinced that I would spend the rest of my life with.
I remember the summer that we spent looking for the perfect home. I wanted an apartment, but you wanted to be in the open, being the right-ole’ country boy you were, and still are. I figured that I could compromise since I would have done everything humanly possible to cause that thousand-watt smile that I loved so much to flicker across your face. That smile that I still love despite having not seen it in years. Now it’s aimed at the lovely woman next to you, whose hand you’re holding as if it’s a lifeline.
The spark in your eyes soon fades as my foot crackles against a fallen leaf and you look up to meet my eyes for the first time in years. Your brow furrows for a moment, as if you can hardly recognize me, and I feel the salty tears welling up. Then your russet eyes go wide with the discovery that it’s me. The one who you thought you’d never see again. I thought the same thing, too. Apparently, we were both wrong.
Our eyes lock, and without speaking, I realize that I have to go. Go far, far away and forget about all of this. The cottage, the picture-perfect pregnant wife, the love. I have to get back in my car and drive to my apartment, where I was always meant to be. I’m no country-girl, and your dreams of a perfect family could never tie me down for long, no matter how much I wanted to make you happy.
I guess this is a sort of bittersweet closure. Our final goodbye.
So I give you a ghost of a smile and a nod, silently wishing you the best. You do the same, and once again, my heart feels like it’s been ripped out. This is the last time I’ll ever be seeing you; we both know it. I put my brave-face on and turn back the way I came, leaving the heartbreak and the memories of summer nights under the country stars behind. I know that you’re doing the same, so I don’t dare look back for fear of another onslaught of tears.
As I drive off, the cottage fading into the distance in my rearview mirror, a cool calm falls over me. Maybe it’s the knowledge that I can finally sleep without anxiety and unanswered questions, but maybe, just maybe, it’s the fact that I know you’ll always be happy, even if I won’t.
The woman beside you is laughing at something that you’ve said, and my gut clenches with a sort of longing, knowing that I’ll never have this. It’s selfish of me, I know, but I can’t help but wish I could have all of this back. I contemplate turning back the way I came when I see her bring her delicate hand to her slightly pronounced stomach, caressing it tenderly. Your eyes light up in wonder as you place a calloused hand over hers, and I can’t help but feel like I’m intruding on a private moment.
Your wife –I assume– beams at you as you marvel at the miracle that the both of you will soon be bringing into this world. How can one simple display of adoration make my heart feel like it will never beat again? I can’t help but wonder if she’s having a baby boy, like we used to talk about. You would say that baseball and fishing would be of the highest priority since that was how you and your father bonded. I would laugh and shake my head, wondering how I got so lucky to find you. You, who cared so much about every minute detail, you, whose curiosity would be the death of you, and you, the one who I was convinced that I would spend the rest of my life with.
I remember the summer that we spent looking for the perfect home. I wanted an apartment, but you wanted to be in the open, being the right-ole’ country boy you were, and still are. I figured that I could compromise since I would have done everything humanly possible to cause that thousand-watt smile that I loved so much to flicker across your face. That smile that I still love despite having not seen it in years. Now it’s aimed at the lovely woman next to you, whose hand you’re holding as if it’s a lifeline.
The spark in your eyes soon fades as my foot crackles against a fallen leaf and you look up to meet my eyes for the first time in years. Your brow furrows for a moment, as if you can hardly recognize me, and I feel the salty tears welling up. Then your russet eyes go wide with the discovery that it’s me. The one who you thought you’d never see again. I thought the same thing, too. Apparently, we were both wrong.
Our eyes lock, and without speaking, I realize that I have to go. Go far, far away and forget about all of this. The cottage, the picture-perfect pregnant wife, the love. I have to get back in my car and drive to my apartment, where I was always meant to be. I’m no country-girl, and your dreams of a perfect family could never tie me down for long, no matter how much I wanted to make you happy.
I guess this is a sort of bittersweet closure. Our final goodbye.
So I give you a ghost of a smile and a nod, silently wishing you the best. You do the same, and once again, my heart feels like it’s been ripped out. This is the last time I’ll ever be seeing you; we both know it. I put my brave-face on and turn back the way I came, leaving the heartbreak and the memories of summer nights under the country stars behind. I know that you’re doing the same, so I don’t dare look back for fear of another onslaught of tears.
As I drive off, the cottage fading into the distance in my rearview mirror, a cool calm falls over me. Maybe it’s the knowledge that I can finally sleep without anxiety and unanswered questions, but maybe, just maybe, it’s the fact that I know you’ll always be happy, even if I won’t.