Sequel: Upwards

Frontwards

Letting go.

Saturday, January 14th, 2006

So I had managed to survive Friday the 13th with minimal bad luck for once. But I don’t know what made me think this winning streak would last.

The very first thing I woke up to this morning was angry knocking on the door, followed by aggressive doorbell-ringing. Sometimes you can just tell that somebody is angry by the way they do these quite simple things. And for some reason in my sleepy state I knew that shit was about to go down.

Once again I had slept alone because I’m too proud to admit to Frank that I sleep better with him. So I dragged my lazy ass out of bed and put on my glasses and blinked as my eyes adjusted. All of that time, the incessant ringing continued. I had intended to head over to the window and see just who on earth had awoken me, but I had the sudden urge to pee really badly. I swear to god this kid is playing hacky-sack with my bladder or something. One minute I’m fine and the next I’m pissing myself, it’s exhausting.

So I crossed the hallway to the bathroom, yelling “Somebody answer the goddamned door!” as I did so. Because, you know, if the non-stop pounding wasn’t going to wake them then my squeaky morning voice definitely would.

Anyway I went to pee. And when I came out of the bathroom the ringing had stopped and all I could hear was shouting and it was a girl shouting and I figured it must be Saskia so of course I had to stand at the top of the stairs and eavesdrop.

Honestly, I was hugely jealous of Saskia. The thought of Frank coming back to her after the week we spent together made me feel sick. The thought of him holding her. Kissing her. Making love to her. While his child was growing inside me. It really upset me to think about it. Whenever her name was mentioned I laughed a bit because it was a silly dog’s name, but it also made me feel a little sad. Which was silly because ultimately Frank had chosen me over her. But only because I got knocked up. As much as I tried not to think it, I still got insecure about the fact that he would have married her and never thought about me again. It hurt a little. Actually it hurt a lot. But anyway.

“Are you really going to throw away four years we spent together for some British slut you got knocked up?” I heard her shriek, her voice all annoying and high-pitched like a fly. I gasped silently. That bitch. If I wasn’t pregnant I would have charged down there and pounded her like beef. She was pretty puny, I could probably take her.

At this point Mikey had opened the door to his bedroom and was rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses, looking all confused. He opened his mouth to speak but I shushed him. Quickly realising what was going on, he joined me.

“Yes, Saskia, I am,” Frank replied firmly. Which was nice and all but he could have pulled her up on the whole slut thing, I thought. “I’m happy with Daisy. Much happier than I was with you. You’re just a gold-digging whore and you drive me fucking insane, okay? Now please take this opportunity to be the bigger person and just leave us the fuck alone.” Mikey nodded in silent comradery.

“Fine,” she spat. “I hope you’re fucking happy, you bastard. Just don’t come running back to me when she breaks your heart.”

Mikey glanced at me and I shook my head to reassure him that I would do no such thing.

“Oh believe me, I won’t,” Frank replied, and Mikey and I suppressed a laugh.

Saskia made an extremely unattractive snorting noise and Mikey and I fell about in silent fits of giggles as she carried on. “Anyway I just came here to give you all of the shit you left at mine.” This was followed by the noise of a man being hit by a box of CDs and t-shirts. And then the door slammed and Mikey and I realised we should at least pretend we hadn’t been listening in the whole time so we headed back towards our respective bedrooms.

Frank walked into the room several moments later, just after I had climbed back into bed. I had noticed that he hadn’t shaved for a couple of days, and I daresay I liked it. His hair was also getting pretty long, and I had no objections about that, either. At present, he was wearing a pair of my pyjama bottoms and a vest top, showing off his slim, toned arms, covered in tattoos. Once again I wanted to jump him right then and there but one again I managed to control it somehow.

“Hey,” he said, smiling faintly.

“Hey,” I smiled faintly back. Then, to preserve my innocence, “Who was at the door?”

He sighed and took a seat at the end of the bed. “Saskia,” he said darkly.

I made a face of disgust and thankfully he laughed. “I know,” he said. “That’s the exact same face I made.” He shook his head. “I don’t know what on earth I thought I was doing with her now.”

I smiled and shuffled towards him, until I was sitting beside him on the end of the bed. And I took his hand shyly and leant my head on his shoulder.

“I don’t care about her,” I decided aloud. “I don’t care that you were with her before me and I don’t care that you were with her after me. And I don’t care that she’s prettier and thinner than me. Because you’re not with her now. You’re with me. And the rest is in the past.”

Frank took my chin in his hands and turned my head to face him. “I’m glad,” he grinned, and planted a tiny little kiss on my lips that blew me away. “Because honestly, Daisy, you know how sorry I am. You know I didn’t mean for any of that to happen. But I’m so glad it did happen. And I’m glad you’re here now. And I wouldn’t change a single damn thing.”

I smiled and I had to agree with him.

“And also,” he added, “Saskia isn’t prettier than you. Nobody is prettier than you, Daisy.” I opened my mouth to argue because I’m a girl, but he put a finger to my lips. “You’re the most beautiful person in the world, Daisy. You’re absolutely perfect. Okay?”

I’m not sure I could agree with that personally but it was wonderful to hear it and it made me blush and I knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer so I just nodded and said, “Okay.”

“Good,” he smiled, and to my absolute delight he kissed me again. Properly this time. Like how people are meant to kiss their girlfriends. And this ball of warmth swelled inside me and I thought I was going to explode from how wonderful it was and I just felt everything else melt away until it was just me and Frank forever.

When we finally parted, I was short of breath and I smiled and we leant our foreheads together and Frank laughed and then he said, “I think I’m falling in love with you again, Daisy,” and this time we weren’t in a bathtub and we were both wearing pyjamas and had morning breath and it was so strange that it was normal because that’s just what Frank and Daisy do.

“Me too,” I said simply, and then we both laughed for ages about a joke neither of us had told.