Frontwards

Sunday, 15th January, 2006

For the first time in far too long, I woke up this morning with Frank Iero’s arms wrapped around my stomach and I was immediately reminded of our first night together and how much has happened since then. It’s been two and a half short months and already we’ve fallen in love twice, said goodbye once, and managed to create an entirely new human being. Not bad going, really.

I was quite happy to just close my eyes again and let myself get carried away in all of these thoughts and memories. Mostly the good ones. The bad ones change you, yes, but you never want to relive those. The bad memories are the ones that shape you as a person but they’re best left in the back of your mind. Nobody ever thinks about the bad times when they’re in love. You can only think about the good, and let them overwhelm you. It’s a good way to spend a morning.

I heard the bedroom door open but I pretended to be asleep because I couldn’t be bothered to confront whoever it was.

“Awww, isn’t that precious,” somebody whispered. It sounded like Gerard’s voice but I couldn’t be sure. I was more than happy to carry on playing dead.

Until I saw the flash of the light and heard the telltale clicks of a camera shutter.

“You’re a fucking wanker,” I said casually, opening one eye to see a very smug looking Gerard standing in the doorway with his camera.

Frank stirred behind me and shuffled a little, letting out a low growl. “What was that?” he croaked.

“Gerard being an asshole,” I replied. I really didn’t want to move so I closed my eyes again and pulled Frank’s arms tighter around my middle. “Maybe if we ignore him he’ll go away,” I said. In retrospect this was incredibly optimistic of me.

“Or he’ll take more photos,” Gerard cackled, and suddenly the flashes were back and I was burying my head further into my pillow and Frank had jumped out of bed in nothing but his boxers and had started to chase Gerard around the house, both of them shrieking like little girls.

“I’d just like one morning where I’m not woken up by shenanigans,” I muttered to myself, but I might as well have asked for the moon. I hauled myself into a sitting position and looked around at the blurry outlines of Frank’s bedroom. Groaning, I fumbled on the nightstand for my glasses and shoved them onto my face. In focus all I could see was mess on every surface. Piles and piles of DVDs by the TV and stacks of music sheets scattered around the room and sticks of eyeliner in various states of life littering the top of the drawers.

I sighed and shook my head in despair but it was kind of nice to have somebody to despair at.

Conscious that I was wearing a thin t-shirt with no bra, and also that I had no pyjama bottoms on, I went and closed the door before I tiptoed over to my bag and pulled out some clothes. I am rapidly running out of clothes, as it turns out. Nothing seems to want to fit me these days. It’s like I’m having a fat day, but it’s every single day.

Finally, as I’d managed to fit my fat ass into some highly attractive grey sweats and a black vest top, Frank came back into the room. For some reason he was wet. I can only assume there had been some sort of small-scale water fight. I didn’t even feel like asking. I have the feeling I should be getting used to days like this.

Frank, still grinning wildly, came over and planted a huge kiss on my forehead which took me a little by surprise. Even more surprising, he then lifted up my top and planted a kiss on my belly which made me laugh.

“Good morning, baby,” he said, and I’m not sure who he was talking to but it didn’t really matter. He stood up again and took my hand. “You look beautiful today.”

He must have been lying because I was in sweats and hadn’t brushed my hair for a couple of days but I smiled anyway because I’ve learnt that arguing with Frank never gets you anywhere.

“I want a bath,” I thought aloud.

Frank’s eyes lit up. “Sounds magical,” he replied, “I’ll be in with the beads in a minute.”

I shook my head. “Just me today, Frankie,” I said firmly.

He pouted but I told him it wasn’t going to work.

“Pouting isn’t going to work,” I said, ruffling his hair. “Now go make me some breakfast while I’m in the bath like a good boy.”

Frank was still sulking but he nodded dutifully and kissed my cheek anyway. As I was running the bath I thought about how lucky I was to have found him. A lot of women in my situation would never have never seen their baby daddy again. A lot of guys would be dicks about it and have nothing to do with their children. I’d managed to find myself a decent guy. Well, if you look past all the cheating of course. But then again Saskia did seem to be a bit of a bitch and anyway I don’t even care about that remember? Good. The point is that sometimes people should be given a second chance.

I like my baths so hot that you have to do that whole oh-ah-ooh-ah as you lower yourself into it and you have to sort of gradually get one part of your body in at a time. But lying back and just being warm and feeling like you’re being cleaned is one of the best feelings ever.

I’m not sure how long I was in there but too soon there was a knock on the door and Frank was telling me that my breakfast was ready so reluctantly I hauled myself out and dried myself off and managed to squeeze back into the only clean clothes that still vaguely fit me and I plodded downstairs.

“Feeling better?” Frank asked as I took a seat at the kitchen table. I was gutted to see he’d gotten dressed. It seemed criminal to cover up that body. He pushed over a cup of juice and a plate of peanut butter on toast, both of which I accepted most graciously.

“A little,” I replied, tucking right in. “I do feel a little sore today though,” I continued, through a mouthful of food.

Frank’s eyebrows rose over the cup of coffee he was currently sipping on. “Sore where? Are you okay?”

Gerard entered the kitchen, searching for caffeine.

I looked down at my plate. “Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just my uh...” I pointed towards my crotch as Gerard’s back was turned. “You know. Sore.”

Gerard spun around with a look of pure disgust on his face. “Okay, that’s fucking gross,” he said. “If I ate breakfast, I’d have just thrown it up. And now my entire day is ruined with the thought of you two at it like the rabbits all night in the room next to mine.”

I’m not sure who was more surprised at this outburst. “At it like rabbits?” I furrowed my brows together.

“I wish,” I heard Frank mutter mischievously from across the table. I kicked him in the shin and he let out a girly scream which satisfied me much more than I’d care to admit.

“Actually there was no intercourse last night,” I corrected Gerard. “But if you really want to know, my vagina is sore because if I didn’t have a baby in it then my period would have been due today.”

I don’t think this settled his mind any but it definitely made me feel a little better to see the look on both of their faces as I shrugged it off and carried on with my breakfast.

Eventually, Gerard shook his head and picked up his cup. “Whatever, Fatty,” he smirked, taking a sip of coffee.

I rolled my eyes. “Wanker,” I said for the second time this morning, but he just laughed it off and walked back into the living room. Not long afterwards, we followed him. I finished my breakfast while reclining on the sofa watching Spongebob and wondering how exactly you can drive a boat underwater. But whatever. A crab somehow managed to father a whale so who knows what’s possible.

Frank sat loyally at the other end of the sofa, rubbing my feet gently which felt like absolute heaven. I was almost purring. Gerard was sitting on the floor sipping at his coffee and muttering about how Frank had turned into a ‘fucking pussy’.

“Right, I’m going out for a cigarette,” Gerard soon announced, seemingly having had enough of sitting with the two of us. He got to his feet and pulled a carton of Marlboro Reds and a lighter out of the pocket of his black hoodie. “Frank, you coming?”

Frank looked down at the floor and scratched the back of his neck. “Um,” he said quietly. “No. I’ve quit.”

We both looked at him in shock. Gerard had placed an unlit cigarette in his mouth which now hung loosely onto the skin of his lower lip.

“Since when?” I asked.

“Since yesterday,” he replied. “Our baby doesn’t need any second hand smoke in its tiny lungs.”

Gerard stalked out of the room, cursing Frank under his breath. I shook my head in disbelief but I was secretly very pleased that he’d quit just for me. For us. For me and the baby.

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” I said quietly, scooting up to cuddle Frank on the sofa. We sat like this for several more minutes as we watched Spongebob and this time I wondered if Frank and I would stay together. Of course I liked to think that we would. That would have been nice.