Sequel: Upwards

Frontwards

Super.

Monday 11th February, 2006.

Today, for once, Frank was snoozing right beside me when I woke up and I couldn’t help but break into a big dumb smile as my brain caught up and reminded me that I was getting to marry this beautiful, wonderful, perfect guy. I shuffled closer to him and wrapped my limbs around his torso, burying my face in the crook of his neck.

Marriage is something that I never thought would be for me. And it’s not that I’m pessimistic or have low self-esteem or anything like that. It’s mostly because I honestly never thought I would meet someone who would be willing to put up with all of my weirdness and shit. I never thought I could meet someone who would understand my stupid jokes and not think I was a precocious little dick for correcting everything and not think I was batshit insane for all of my obsessions and compulsions. To meet a guy like that, I thought, would be like asking for the moon.

But here I am in bed next to my moon. Sorry for the crappy metaphor.

Frank drifted into consciousness, shuffling and murmuring. “Good morning, Mr. Iero,” I whispered into his skin with a wide smile.

“Good morning, future Mrs. Iero,” he replied, kissing me softly on the head. I thought I would explode with happiness.

I felt Frank’s neck twist to see the clock. “Shit, I have to get ready,” he sighed.

“But I don’t want you to go,” I pouted. “I want to stay here forever.”

He let out a soft groan and peeled my limbs away from him. “Believe me,” he said softly, “so would I.” And I did believe him, of course. Because I knew that for some reason he loved me.

So I let him get dressed and whatnot, while I lay facing the ceiling. And, okay, maybe taking a quick peek every now and then. But I’m allowed because I’m going to be his wife. I’M GOING TO BE SOMEONE’S WIFE HOLY SHIT.

Once he’d come back to kiss me goodbye, he left and I figured I should probably get out of bed because it was nearly 10am, and if I went back to sleep then I could easily have not woken up again until the evening. It’s so tiring, being pregnant. Eurgh.

I heaved myself up and wriggled into some clothes and made my way towards the kitchen. Alice was in there, humming to herself and making some eggs. Well obviously not making the eggs, per say. She is not a bird, after all. She was merely cooking the eggs.

“Good morning, sugar tits,” she winked. “Sleep well?”

“No, actually,” I replied. “I couldn’t sleep because of the weight of this fucking ring on my hand.”

Alice squealed like a little girl and came to hug me. She’s so cute and girly. One mention of anything wedding-related and she just melts into this pathetic mess of femininity, like a high-school cheerleader. But it is so adorable.

________________________________________________


Kristy was much hotter than I had hoped. She had big hair and big eyes and massive (obviously fake) boobs and being in her presence pretty much made me feel like a tiny ugly goblin. Everything about her just gave me the impression that she wanted to punch me in the vagina. It was very unnerving.

Frank, of course, was oblivious. We were sitting in the living room with Kristy Big Tits on one sofa and me clutching onto Frank for moral support on the other sofa. He was joking with her and she was indulging him with a bat of her eyelashes and a lick of her lips, and then when he looked away she would look straight past him, right at me, and she would give this horrible fake smile that made me want to cry.

I am not, my friends, a terribly jealous person. I know that Frank gets a lot of female attention and I know that he must be tempted a lot of the time. I also remind myself that he succumbed to these temptations with me whilst he was still engaged to somebody else. I know all of that and it doesn’t really bother me too much. Perhaps I’m deluded, I don’t know. But anyway, the point is that I don’t get jealous about all of this because ultimately I trust Frank.

Suffice to say that I did not trust this woman. I wouldn’t even trust her as a bartender, never mind a PR representative. She was all fucking over my fiancé and I wasn’t a fan. She wasn’t being subtle about the fact that she wanted to jump his bones right there on the sofa. So no, I didn’t feel like she could be trusted to talk to the press. Who knows what she’d tell them in order to break us apart and get Frank all for herself?

But, as ever, there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do about it. Not without sounding whining and clingy and paranoid. So I just sat there and held Frank’s hand as he talked to her about what they thought the best ‘strategy’ would be. What a bizarre world I’m living in these days.

“That all sounds great to me,” Frank smiled, after she’d said some shit that I wasn’t listening to. I was much too busy trying to pretend that I wasn’t intimidated by her presence to be listening.

She gave one of those wide smiles with her bright red lips and tucked some of her black hair behind her ear. She was giving Frank the fluttery eyes. I wanted to slap her.

“Super,” she said, and I had to stop myself from mocking her. Fucking super. “Well I think that’s everything then.” She stood up to leave (finally) and her pencil skirt had ridden up so I caught a nice glimpse of her minge. Perfect.

Frank and I also stood up and he let go of my hand to give her a hug. The thought of her stupid fake boobs pressed up against my fiancé wasn’t best pleasing to me. Especially when she made eye-contact with me over Frank’s shoulder. Fucking slut.

“Thanks so much, Krist,” he said as he released her.

“It’s no problem at all, Frankie,” she smirked. I didn’t like her calling him Frankie either. She turned back to me, making a point to look down at me from her high fucking heels. “It was just lovely to meet you, Daisy,” she said pretty much as insincerely as you might think.

For Frank’s sake, I gave the best fake smile I could muster and held my left hand out for her to shake. It delighted me to see her take a small glance at the ring on my finger. That’s fucking right, bitch. Know your place. “It was just super to meet you, too,” I said.

The look on her face was priceless but I still felt like crap. Fucking Kristy.

FINALLY she left and as soon as the door was closed I dropped my smile and held my middle finger up to the spot where she had been standing. Frank frowned but knew better than to question my temper.

Alice, hearing the door slam, emerged from her bedroom. “Kristy is a fucking whore,” she announced, sauntering over to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.

“Thank you,” I sighed, signalling for her to pass me a drink. She threw the water bottle at me.

“I don’t get it,” Frank shrugged. “She’s perfectly nice.”

Alice and I exchanged despaired looks and she shook her head. Men really just don’t have a clue.