Sequel: Upwards ›
Frontwards
Let them eat cake.
Monday 5th March, 2006.
Wedding night.
There was quite a lot going on in the reception and I can’t be bothered to write it all down, so hopefully this summary will suffice:
The First Dance: Hideous. Embarrassing. Awkward. These were the things I had been anticipating. In actuality it was none of these things. Quite the contrary. It was romantic and lovely and perfect. I could just put my arms around my new husband and smile and wonder how I got so lucky. Our song was First Day of My Life. As if you were expecting anything else.
Kate’s speech: Something along the lines of “I can’t believe my cousin is getting married because she’s such a pain in the arse. The poor kid that pops out of her is gonna be so fucked up. Good luck, Frankie boy.” She had had several bottles of champagne by then (apparently she was drinking for the both of us) and I’m not sure Frank’s older family members were all too chuffed but Gerard laughed a bit louder than I would be comfortable with.
Gerard’s speech: Basically the same as Kate’s but with reference to Frank instead of me, and a lovely anecdote about a spell of gay experiences shared between the two bandmates on a previous tour that I really could have done without hearing about but what can you do. And Gerard was sober. So that at least made Kate look a little more respectable, maybe.
Linda’s speech: A lot more tasteful than our guests of honour, it has to be said. A big welcome for me as I join the Iero family, a general expression of joy regarding the incoming baby and a warning that it isn’t easy. In hindsight I should have paid more attention to that bit instead of naively assuming we’d had all the bad luck we could take.
Frank’s speech: Thanks for coming, we’ve had a fabulous day, we are very much in love, sorry about our idiot friends, the buffet is now open, and so on.
My speech (good lord the speeches felt never-ending): “I know I’m meeting most of you for the first time but I can honestly say you have all made me feel so welcome today and I can’t wait to get to know you all better. I wouldn’t have changed anything about this day apart from that I wish my father could be here - although if he was then we’d have to sit through another speech and I’ve had quite enough so let’s eat some cake.”
After the speeches there was eating, and more drinking, and I danced with everybody including but by no means limited to: Frank’s parents, old school friends, second cousins and drunken aunts, Tony, Alice, Bob and Ray (simultaneously) and Lacey, who is just the cutest 11 year old I have ever seen. I hope my kid turns out as cute as her.
Meanwhile, Gerard seemed to be alarmingly successful in altering poor Kate’s sexual preferences. At first I was unconcerned, because I’ve seen what a raving lesbian my cousin truly is (I’ve caught her eyeing Alice up numerous times in the past few days) so I was quite happy to humour him. But as the night progressed and Kate downed her fiftieth glass of champagne, I thought I should probably go and check. Just to be sure.
So I finished my dance with the lovely Jenny (who made the most epic fucking cake you’d ever wish to see/eat) and smiled sweetly and said I was off to check on my cousin. She nodded understandingly but I got the feeling she thought Kate was actually an alcoholic. Oh well.
“Katherine,” I said sternly as I approached her, perched quite precariously on Gerard’s lap. “Are you okay?”
She glanced up at me with her glazed eyes and scoffed. “Oh, it’s little miss pregnant no-fun,” she slurred.
“Don’t remind me,” I replied, taking a seat beside them. “Don’t you wish I could be drinking copious amounts of champagne at somebody else’s expense, too?”
Kate hiccupped. Gerard looked shifty. “You’ll be able to do that at mine at Gerryboo’s wedding,” she giggled, ruffling “Gerryboo”’s hair.
“Wow,” I said. “I didn’t think Gerard was your type.” Frank caught my eye from across the room, where he was dancing with his mother.
Kate leant her head on his shoulder. “He may have a pee-pee where I prefer a woo-woo,” she said with much insight, “but love is love.” She then licked his cheek and I think he enjoyed it a little too much. “And isn’t that what this day is all about? Love? Loooooove.” This was starting to get quite philosophical so I left to find Alice and Mikey.
They were dancing, so I discretely elbowed Mikey in the ribs. “Jesus,” he jumped, turning to face me. I took more pleasure in surprising him than I’d like to admit to.
“Hey,” I said. “Sorry to disturb, but I’m getting pretty concerned about my hot mess of a cousin and your hot predator of a brother.” I jerked my thumb in their general direction and watched Mikey and Alice’s faces as they observed. Thankfully they looked as disturbed as I was.
Mikey sighed. “God, the bastard literally can get any girl he wants, can’t he?” Alice glared at him. “Not that I’m jealous. I already have the only girl I want.” A sweet smile and all was forgiven. Smooth little fucker.
By the time Frank was beside me and kissing me suddenly on the lips (sweeping me almost literally off my feet, the sly fox), Mikey and Alice had gone to join Gerard and Kate. Lest they be left to their own devices for too long.
“Hey, wifey,” Frank grinned as we parted. His hands were on my hips.
“Hey, hubby,” I grinned back, wrapping my arms around his neck. And just like that we were dancing to a song that even now I don’t like to admit to secretly liking; a song which goes something like, “you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, it’s true.”
Not long after, the party started to disband and I was being hugged approximately a thousand times and congratulated and given money which is apparently a tradition for American weddings and one that I felt a little guilty about but also at the same time I am soon to be a young mother and YAY free money.
Alice and Mikey kindly agreed to taking Kate to bed upstairs while Gerard (begrudgingly) drove Bob and Ray back to their place and Frank and I fell giggling into our honeymoon suite like a couple of lovesick kids. By this time I had quite forgotten about whatever was going on in anybody else’s life because it didn’t seem to matter once Frank’s hands were slowly and gently unpicking the buttons on my dress.
It’s much better having a honeymoon suite when there’s somebody to share it with, let me tell you that.
Wedding night.
There was quite a lot going on in the reception and I can’t be bothered to write it all down, so hopefully this summary will suffice:
The First Dance: Hideous. Embarrassing. Awkward. These were the things I had been anticipating. In actuality it was none of these things. Quite the contrary. It was romantic and lovely and perfect. I could just put my arms around my new husband and smile and wonder how I got so lucky. Our song was First Day of My Life. As if you were expecting anything else.
Kate’s speech: Something along the lines of “I can’t believe my cousin is getting married because she’s such a pain in the arse. The poor kid that pops out of her is gonna be so fucked up. Good luck, Frankie boy.” She had had several bottles of champagne by then (apparently she was drinking for the both of us) and I’m not sure Frank’s older family members were all too chuffed but Gerard laughed a bit louder than I would be comfortable with.
Gerard’s speech: Basically the same as Kate’s but with reference to Frank instead of me, and a lovely anecdote about a spell of gay experiences shared between the two bandmates on a previous tour that I really could have done without hearing about but what can you do. And Gerard was sober. So that at least made Kate look a little more respectable, maybe.
Linda’s speech: A lot more tasteful than our guests of honour, it has to be said. A big welcome for me as I join the Iero family, a general expression of joy regarding the incoming baby and a warning that it isn’t easy. In hindsight I should have paid more attention to that bit instead of naively assuming we’d had all the bad luck we could take.
Frank’s speech: Thanks for coming, we’ve had a fabulous day, we are very much in love, sorry about our idiot friends, the buffet is now open, and so on.
My speech (good lord the speeches felt never-ending): “I know I’m meeting most of you for the first time but I can honestly say you have all made me feel so welcome today and I can’t wait to get to know you all better. I wouldn’t have changed anything about this day apart from that I wish my father could be here - although if he was then we’d have to sit through another speech and I’ve had quite enough so let’s eat some cake.”
After the speeches there was eating, and more drinking, and I danced with everybody including but by no means limited to: Frank’s parents, old school friends, second cousins and drunken aunts, Tony, Alice, Bob and Ray (simultaneously) and Lacey, who is just the cutest 11 year old I have ever seen. I hope my kid turns out as cute as her.
Meanwhile, Gerard seemed to be alarmingly successful in altering poor Kate’s sexual preferences. At first I was unconcerned, because I’ve seen what a raving lesbian my cousin truly is (I’ve caught her eyeing Alice up numerous times in the past few days) so I was quite happy to humour him. But as the night progressed and Kate downed her fiftieth glass of champagne, I thought I should probably go and check. Just to be sure.
So I finished my dance with the lovely Jenny (who made the most epic fucking cake you’d ever wish to see/eat) and smiled sweetly and said I was off to check on my cousin. She nodded understandingly but I got the feeling she thought Kate was actually an alcoholic. Oh well.
“Katherine,” I said sternly as I approached her, perched quite precariously on Gerard’s lap. “Are you okay?”
She glanced up at me with her glazed eyes and scoffed. “Oh, it’s little miss pregnant no-fun,” she slurred.
“Don’t remind me,” I replied, taking a seat beside them. “Don’t you wish I could be drinking copious amounts of champagne at somebody else’s expense, too?”
Kate hiccupped. Gerard looked shifty. “You’ll be able to do that at mine at Gerryboo’s wedding,” she giggled, ruffling “Gerryboo”’s hair.
“Wow,” I said. “I didn’t think Gerard was your type.” Frank caught my eye from across the room, where he was dancing with his mother.
Kate leant her head on his shoulder. “He may have a pee-pee where I prefer a woo-woo,” she said with much insight, “but love is love.” She then licked his cheek and I think he enjoyed it a little too much. “And isn’t that what this day is all about? Love? Loooooove.” This was starting to get quite philosophical so I left to find Alice and Mikey.
They were dancing, so I discretely elbowed Mikey in the ribs. “Jesus,” he jumped, turning to face me. I took more pleasure in surprising him than I’d like to admit to.
“Hey,” I said. “Sorry to disturb, but I’m getting pretty concerned about my hot mess of a cousin and your hot predator of a brother.” I jerked my thumb in their general direction and watched Mikey and Alice’s faces as they observed. Thankfully they looked as disturbed as I was.
Mikey sighed. “God, the bastard literally can get any girl he wants, can’t he?” Alice glared at him. “Not that I’m jealous. I already have the only girl I want.” A sweet smile and all was forgiven. Smooth little fucker.
By the time Frank was beside me and kissing me suddenly on the lips (sweeping me almost literally off my feet, the sly fox), Mikey and Alice had gone to join Gerard and Kate. Lest they be left to their own devices for too long.
“Hey, wifey,” Frank grinned as we parted. His hands were on my hips.
“Hey, hubby,” I grinned back, wrapping my arms around his neck. And just like that we were dancing to a song that even now I don’t like to admit to secretly liking; a song which goes something like, “you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, it’s true.”
Not long after, the party started to disband and I was being hugged approximately a thousand times and congratulated and given money which is apparently a tradition for American weddings and one that I felt a little guilty about but also at the same time I am soon to be a young mother and YAY free money.
Alice and Mikey kindly agreed to taking Kate to bed upstairs while Gerard (begrudgingly) drove Bob and Ray back to their place and Frank and I fell giggling into our honeymoon suite like a couple of lovesick kids. By this time I had quite forgotten about whatever was going on in anybody else’s life because it didn’t seem to matter once Frank’s hands were slowly and gently unpicking the buttons on my dress.
It’s much better having a honeymoon suite when there’s somebody to share it with, let me tell you that.