Life Starts Now.

Looking back now, I think I turned out just fine.

I sat down on my bed, a cigarette in one hand, and a book in the other. It was Saturday, or as I like to call it, Chill Day. Not very creative, but I didn’t mind. It was a day that I normally didn’t have to worry about anything, or anyone. There was no school and rarely any people, nothing to stand between me and my hours of relaxation.
Sometimes Katie would come over, just to spend some quality time together, something which we almost never had since high school started. She was too busy being friends with people who loathed my existence, and I was busy being the loner girl, and the only time I spent socializing was when I was with her. But most of the times, I hoofed it alone.

I was too zoned into reading more about the wonders of Middle Earth to notice that she had entered the room. I heard her let out a light laugh as she looked at the tattered spine of the book I had reread countless times. The sound made me jump, and I let go of the cigarette that dangled between my lips.

“How long have you been in here?” I asked, rushing to pick up my cigarette before it brunt another hole in the comforter.

“I’m not sure,” she gazed at her nails with a smirk on her face, “I wasn’t really counting.” She maneuvered her way to my mattress and plopped herself onto it heavily. “Your mom is passed out on the couch again.” This last sentenced caused her smirk to disappear, replacing itself with a small frown.

“What’s new?” I muttered under my breath, talking more to myself than her.

The look in her eyes was one I had seen a million times from her before. I knew she felt an instant regret for mentioning my mom, she always did. I felt bad for making her feel bad and the rational side of my brain questioned this feeling. It’s been years that she has known this was going on, she should just stop bringing it up.

“I’m sorry,” She spoke softly as though she was afraid of scaring me away completely.
“You don’t need to be sorry. She’s a drunk and nothing anyone does will change that, trust me I’ve tried.” I stated in a matter of fact tone.

Things were silent for a few minutes in the awkwardness of trying to come up with a new topic of discussion.

“Anyway, I came over because I was wondering if you wanted to get out of the house tonight,” She said, forcing her always happy expression back onto her face. I didn’t trust this, not one bit.

“Depends…” I replied slowly, “What are you planning?”

She took her time in responding and refused to make eye contact with me as she did, “Well there’s this party…”

“No. No I’m not hanging out with your douche bag friends Katie. How many times do I have to explain this to you? Why don’t you understand?” I felt my voice rising in frustration and I angrily reached for my ash tray to put my cigarette out. I could feel her stare burning a hole in my head.

She sighed, taking a deep breath before she spoke, “I just can’t wrap my head around why you won’t even try. I want you to get to know people Harper. I want you to not have to sit at home alone when you could be having fun with people.”

An irritated laugh came out of my throat and I wanted to scream in frustration. “Do you want to know why I don’t want to hang out with your friends Katie? Okay, I don’t want to hang out with people who get a laugh out of making my life a living hell, more so than it already fucking is. They practically live on it. I’m their live entertainment at school. If I’m not getting rumors spread about me by them, I’m getting treated like a human punching bag. Why would I want to put myself inside of that situation outside of school too?”

“You are overreacting,” she stated, “and you are being over dramatic. You know what I didn’t come here for a guilt trip. I’m trying to help you; I don’t know why you won’t let me.”

“Well, I didn’t fucking invite you over in the first place Katie. So go have fun with your friends by yourself. I don’t even know why you bother coming over anymore. You’ve changed even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself. The Katie I thought I knew wouldn’t want to go and get so shitfaced every night to the point where you don’t remember half of the stupid shit you did the next day. You used to make fun of those people, and now you’re one of them!”

“I’m fucking leaving, and I’m done trying to throw you lifelines Harper. You don’t want the help so why should I even waste my fucking time.” Her voice was eerily calm and I felt my heart drop into my stomach as she picked herself off the bed and exited the room.

As I heard the front door click I realized the mistake I had made, and with that the one person I had in this world that was there for me disappeared.