Tears

“Anette, we need to leave!”

“Coming Mom!” Anette called back, grabbing her shoes and running down the stairs. She followed her mom out the front door, locking it behind her, and sliding into the back seat of the car. She jammed her black shoes onto her feet as her mom started the car.

“Noel, call Aunt Carley and tell her we’re on our way,” their mother said, handing her large, blocky cell phone to Anette’s older sister. Noel started dialing the number and waited for their aunt to pick up.

“Hey Aunt Carley, it’s Noel. Yeah, we’re on our way. Okay, see you there. Bye.” She hung up and set the phone down in her mom’s purse.

The rest of the car ride was completely silent. Not even Terrence, who was almost four, made a sound. He and Anette watched the town go by outside the window. Houses, shops, and trees passed on this wonderful spring day in April. But it was certainly not a wonderful day; not to this family.

They finally pulled into the parking lot at the cemetery. There were a few other cars there, and Anette’s mom parked near the entrance. Their Aunt Carley was waiting there for them, her long, white-blonde hair fluttering slightly in the breeze. “There you are, Shirley. I was beginning to wonder where you were.”

“Sorry Carley, we had a late start. Noel, get your brother out.”

Noel tried to get Terrence out of his car seat as Anette got out, but he was protesting. “No!” he said sharply. “I want Annie!” He pushed Noel’s thin hands away with his chubby ones.

“Come on Terrence, hold still!” Noel almost growled.

“No!”

“Fine! Anette, you get him,” Noel said, giving up on this impossible child.

“Alright Terrence, I’m here,” called Anette, and she began to get her brother out of the car seat. He was beaming now, all trace of the tantrum gone from his face.

“Annie!” he said brightly as she picked him up and shut the car door. He wrapped his arms around her neck in a hug, and Anette gave a small laugh.

“Okay, now when we go to sit down, you need to behave,” Anette said as they walked through the gates of the cemetery.

“Okay Annie,” Terrence replied.

Anette walked over to the few rows of chairs set up before an open coffin and an impressive display of brightly colored flowers. She adverted her eyes as she set Terrence down in a chair and sat between him and Noel. Their mother was talking to the minister, and their aunt seemed to be showing some people where to sit. Anette glimpsed seeing her best friend, Mikey Way, and his mom taking a seat near the middle.

“Anette, I need you to watch after your brother,” said their mom as she and Carley sat down in the front row.

“Okay Mom,” Anette replied, and then the minister cleared his throat to being the service.

“We are gathered here today to remember the life of Devon Baker, beloved father, brother, husband, community member, and friend,” the minister began in a very solemn voice. “He died December seventeenth in a tragic car accident. Please join me in prayer as we ask the Holy Father to please accept Devon into His Kingdom.” Everyone bowed their heads, and Anette closed her eyes. She didn’t focus at all on what the minister was saying—she knew her dad was already in Heaven. So she made up her own prayer in her head.

‘Dear God, just… look after my dad, okay? Tell him I love him. And um, some help down here would be nice too. Thanks.’

When Anette looked back up, the minister was gone and Aunt Carley was in his place. She had some tears in her eyes and her voice was strained.

“…and I know my brother wouldn’t want us to be distraught, but he used to say to me when I was little, ‘Cry it off, Carley, and everything will be okay.’ So I think it’s okay if we shed a few tears for him today.” She wiped some fallen tears off her cheeks.

There was another prayer and then everyone got up to say their last goodbyes. Anette picked up Terrence, took the white rose her mother handed her, and got in line behind Noel.

“Annie, why is Daddy sleeping in the box?” Terrence asked as they came to the foot of the coffin.

“Because that’s where he sleeps now,” Anette answered lamely, having nother better to say.

Anette was next. She placed her flower in the coffin. She had to admit that Terrence was right in a way—her dad did look just like he was sleeping, although he was in his best suit and his blonde hair was combed neatly. She took a shuddering breath, trying to right back tears. “Bye Dad, I love you,” she mumbled.

Terrence stretched out a small hand. “Night Daddy.”

Anette almost started crying.

“Hey, Anette.”

Anette turned around to see her boyfriend, Chase, walking towards her. She wiped at her eyes and shifted Terrence on her hip. “Hi Chase. Thanks for coming.”

“Yeah, well, I thought I’d pay my respects,” he replied, brushing his bangs out of his blue eyes. Anette just nodded, biting her lip slightly. “Who’s this?” Chase asked, mentioning to Terrence.

“Oh, this is my little brother, Terrence. Say hi to Chase, Terrence,” Anette encouraged, but he turned his face into her shoulder.

“No,” he pouted, and Anette smiled a bit.

“Sorry, he’s been a bit grumpy today,” Anette apologized.

“It’s alright. So, this is bad timing, but are we on for prom next week?”

“Oh, um…” Anette frowned. “No. See, Mikey asked me ages ago, and I can’t just ditch him at the last second…”

At the mention of Mikey’s name, Chase glared slightly, but Anette saw it only for a moment before it was gone. “Oh, alright. Well, I’ll see you at school Monday, yeah?”

“Yeah. Bye.”

“Bye,” Chase said, and he kissed her on the cheek before he left. After he was gone, Anette felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey Annie,” Mikey said in a soft voice. Upon hearing his voice, Terrence squirmed around in Anette’s arms to see Mikey.

“Mikey!” he exclaimed, blue eyes lighting up.

Mikey grinned. “Hey Terrence, what’s up my little man?”

Terrence made grabby motions to Mikey, and Anette handed him over, smiling slightly as Mikey spun around with Terrence, Terrence squealing in glee. Knowing her brother would be safe with Mikey, Anette wondered away from the funeral. She knew she couldn’t watch them actually bury her dad without crying.

She had no idea how long he had been sitting in the grass when Mikey was back and sat down beside her.

“Where’s Terrence?” was Anette’s automatic first question.

“Your mom’s got him.”

Anette nodded. “Okay, thanks.” She started massaging her forehead.

“You know, you’re more of his mom than your mom is,” Mikey said, watching the people leave the funeral.

“What?”

“Well, you’re always taking care of him.”

“So? Mikey, my mom works full time to keep us afloat and Noel in college.”

“Yeah, I know.” They sat in silence for a few moments before Mikey wrapped an arm around Anette’s shoulders. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay Mikey, I know,” Anette replied, daubing at her eyes again and silently thanking herself for having the sense to wear waterproof mascara today.

“You can cry. I understand.”

Anette wanted to protest, she really did. She had to be strong, like Noel, and not show any weakness. But she couldn’t. A few hot tears slid down her face, and she leaned her aching head on Mikey’s shoulder. He wrapped his other arm around Anette, trying to make it seem okay when nothing really was.