Even Lovers Drown

Brightly colored candy wrappers decorated the shelves. Promises of delicious treats hidden within adorned the packaging in kid-attracting decorations. Saylor eyed them, debating. Candy had been on her mental "Do Not Eat" list for three years, as had most other foods and treats. Katie's comments about her weight struck deep enough to make her give up the things she enjoyed, like chocolate or egg and cheese biscuits or hash browns or anything else that had the potential to put fat in unnecessary areas. A great deal of work was put in to repair her eating habits. But candy still made her anxious. Even with no threat to frighten her into starvation, she found eating her once beloved chocolate difficult.

But chocolate would be nice after the memory-turned-nightmare that spiked her nerves and kept her up for the rest of the morning. Or the neon sour gummy worms. The vibrant worms held her attention, stood out amongst the candy cigarettes and gummy bears. The more she stared at them, the more she wanted them.

Sighing, Saylor grabbed the bag of gummy worms. She flipped the package around over in her hands, examining each of the enticing worms. They would provide a good enough sugar rush to keep her from falling asleep while setting up merchandise.

Peppermint tickled Saylor's nose, jolting her sense awake. A mix of anxiety and abnormal wanting fluttered through her. The tantalizing scent wasn't coming from the candies. Saylor recognized it, hadn't been able to get the smell out of her head. Only one person smelled so perfectly of peppermints and managed to scare her at the same time.

"I used to love eating gummy worms as a kid," Blake's voice greeted her ears

"Lovely," Saylor mumbled.

She kept her eyes on the gummy worm packet in her hands, didn't dare turn around and look at Blake. She didn't want to see her, no matter how good she looked or how many times she apologized. Blake was a reminder of Katie. That hadn't changed over the course of the night, and Saylor was afraid that turning around would send her back into terrifying memories.

Blake stared at Saylor's back. Her red hair shimmered under the dull convenient store lights. The white tank top she wore didn't cling to her body tightly. Skin didn't peek from underneath. The weather was far too hot for the sweatpants she wore, but she didn't seem to care. Blake wasn't supposed to be interested in someone who didn't care what she thought of her, who didn't try to arouse her for just one intimate moment.

But Blake urged to slide her arms around Saylor's waist. Just to hold her.

Shaking the foreign want from her head, Blake moved to Saylor's side and looked over the candies. She didn't want to think about the last time she felt that way about a woman. Having that vulnerability thrown in her face in high school had been rough.

She glanced at Saylor. Her green eyes remained fixed on the candy pack in her hands. The packet couldn't have been that interesting. Sure, the worms were an interesting mix of colors and Blake remembered a time when she used to count the number of worms in her favorite flavor to make sure she was getting a good deal, but that didn't take long.

Saylor was upset with her. Still.

Blake sighed. "Look, I'm—"

"Do you want this pack?" Hayden's voice traveled across the small convenient store and cut her off.

She looked at him over the aisles. He was staring at her, moss green eyes bright. A red six pack of beer dangled from his hand for her to see. He knew what beer she liked. The whole band knew. They knew her favorite food, her favorite movie, her favorite drink, everything. They had known each other long enough, had been on enough tours in obnoxiously close quarters. So why was he asking? Was this an intentional distraction? Did he see her talking to Saylor and interrupt with the purpose of attempting to embarrass her? She couldn't be sure, especially with the rest of the band standing near him.

"No, the blue one," she answered.

"Why?" he whined, childish pout gracing his face.

"I don't like the red one."

Hayden grumbled to himself, possible obscenities addressing Blake's preferred beer. He opened the cooler with a dramatic swoosh and dropped the six pack into its spot, the loud clank of cans hitting each other ringing in the small store. Bending down, he grabbed the correct pack and held it up for her to see, exasperated expression on his face.

"Congratulations, you know your colors," Blake said. She turned her attention back to Saylor. Her eyes were still glued to the pack of sour gummy worms, and she didn't appear to have any interest in the exchange. "What I wanted to say—"

"Where are your hands?" Sage asked.

Blake rolled her eyes. The embarrassment tactics were on. Hayden had been the distraction, the one to cut into the conversation before it got anywhere. Couldn't have Saylor thinking Blake had any compassion.

"Right here," Blake said, holding up her hands

"Better watch her feet, too," Hunter said, smirking, "You never know what kind of kinky things those groupies taught her."

"Remember the golden rule, Blake: keep your hands to yourself," Reese said.

"Okay, dad," Blake said, firm enough to put an end to the jokes and make her band mates chuckle.

Apologetic smile on her face, she returned her focus to Saylor, hoping the apology she was planning wasn't ruined. The jabs her friends made hadn't forced Saylor's attention away from the candy. Even the groupies comment hadn't made her flinch. Blake wasn't sure what to make of the lack of reaction. But that wouldn't deter her apology.

She needed this to work out, so she could have her time with Saylor, get her out of her head, and move on with her life. She didn't like questioning herself because her friend's little sister was afraid of her.

"I'm sorry I've been scaring you lately. You know, I'm not trying to. I would never try to scare you. You're Davy's little sister. Scaring you means dealing with him. I just... I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Can't you tell me so I can fix whatever's bothering you? I don't want you to be scared of me all tour."

Saylor tore her eyes away from the candy in her hands and met Blake's striking blue eyes. This woman wouldn't leave her alone until she responded to the alleged apology, as if her persistence would get her anywhere. Fake apologies didn't work on Saylor. She had heard enough of them.

"Are you done?" Saylor asked.

"Um, yeah."

"So it's my turn now?" She didn't wait for Blake to answer before continuing. "When I say I want you to leave me alone, I mean it. I don't want to talk it out. I don't want your apologies. Just leave me alone and we'll be fine."

Satisfied with her response, Saylor placed the sour gummy worms back on the hook, turned, and walked through the aisles towards her brother standing at the checkout. She didn't stay to listen to what Blake had to say in return, didn't really want to hear what she wanted to say. Fear kept her from wanting the conversation to go much further. Standing up to Blake left her stomach in knots and her throat clenched in anxiety. She was proud of herself. She couldn't deny that being firm with a woman was a huge step for her. But the accomplishment didn't make her any less afraid.

They were in public, in a gas station's convenient store. The most Blake would do was whisper harsh words to her. And that would be enough to make Saylor shut down under the weight of memories that would bombard her. Anything Blake did was a reminder of Katie. Her existence was enough.

Blake watched Saylor walk across the small store, jaw dropped. For someone who was afraid of her, she was pretty good at rejecting her. Saylor didn't stutter. Her green eyes hadn't shone with fear. No tremors ran through her body, she wasn't tense. She was calm, collected, in control. Had giving her the night only allowed her to soak in her dislike toward Blake? Had she foreseen another apology and prepared herself to tell Blake to leave her alone?

She didn't understand Saylor. She thought she had read her fear yesterday, but she seemed composed. Once she looked away from the gummy worms package. Maybe focusing so strongly on the packet had been her way of blocking out her potential fear. Or maybe she was reading through the ingredients and nutrition information thoroughly before deciding she didn't want to buy them and Blake had been distracting her.

Regardless, Blake recognized the heavy feelings in the pit of her stomach that came with Saylor's reactions. Rejection. Painful, nostalgic rejection. And there was only one way she knew of to deal with that.

"Alright, sex kitten, I can't wait to have you naked in my bunk," Blake called after her.

By being a jerk. By saying things that would work on fans but didn't work on Saylor. By being confident that she would get what she wanted in time, because she would get what she wanted in time.

Eyebrows drawn, mouth twisted in confusion, Davy looked at Saylor. She rolled her eyes and gave an exasperated shake of her head. She had no explanation for Blake's comment. Just Blake being Blake.

Without looking at her, Saylor raised her middle finger, a nonverbal response that summed up her feelings. Blake's laugh carried across the store, the intoxicating chime tickling Saylor's ears. Warmth spread through her body, her heartbeat quickened. She made Blake laugh. Unintentionally, but she wanted to do it again.

A wave of anxiety stifled her body's subconscious reply to Blake's laughter. She didn't want to make her laugh. Damn Blake for making her feel otherwise.

"Is that an offer?" Blake called, "I accept."

She could find a way to get Saylor to let her in. Vulnerable apologies didn't work, cocky didn't work, but something would. And Davy's expertise on his little sister was just the assistance Blake would need.