Even Lovers Drown

"I'll put your duffle in the back room," Blake said. "Go ahead and sit down wherever."

Trusting her to bring her belongings to the proper area, Saylor slid the bag from her shoulder and handed it to Blake, who slung the bag over her own shoulder. With a butterfly-awakening smile, Blake left Saylor's side, walking across the still motionless bus. Saylor watched after her, green eyes hooked to her movements, stomach fluttering, till she disappeared through the sliding door.

The comments spouted by the band members had done nothing to raise alarms in Saylor's mind. Blake wouldn't hurt her, wouldn't kill her and hide her body in a cane field or turn her remains into sandwich meat. Consciously, she knew that, and, though her subconscious seemed to disagree, that fact kept her mind at ease, kept the anxiety from bursting through the floodgates.

But the comparison Reese made stuck out in her mind, creating vivid images. A little boy, or so she assumed Grayson was, offering a toy to a girl as means of courting. So childish and adorable. And Blake was meant to fill in the role of the little boy. Was Saylor supposed to be the cute girl, the receiver of the innocent gesture?

That meant Blake had a crush on her, as juvenile as it may have sounded. And it was no secret. Her band mates knew, Davy must have known. Saylor was the only one who didn't know, who had been too guarded to interpret each of Blake's signals.

Conflicted emotions battled in her mind, giddy happiness and fear spiraling her closer to a headache. Blake liked her. The unspoken news energized Saylor's nerves to the point that she thought she would explode from excitement. But Blake would want more than friendship in time, and that terrified Saylor. What if things went wrong? What if Blake became Katie?

Saylor shook her head. Blake wasn't Katie. Blake wasn't Katie. Blake wasn't Katie. She needed to remember that.

Intent on distracting herself from the mixed emotions threatening to make the night on the bus miserable, Saylor searched the main area of the bus for a suitable seat. Open spots were scattered around the bus. Next to and across from Andy at the booth, next to Sage on the couch, and on the floor, close to the videogame action soon to ensue. Saylor wasn't sure which to pick, where she would fit in best. And the band members weren't much help in choosing. No longer teasing Blake, the band members had fallen back into their comfortable roles, lounging on the couch and setting up videogames. Saylor's dilemma went unnoticed.

But it wasn't their job to help her find a spot to sit. She was a big girl, she should have been able to socialize enough to find a spot amongst the band members. Apparently, her socializing skills had suffered during the past four years. Forced alienation seemed to have that affect.

Sage's green eyes drifted from the group on the floor to Saylor. She tilted her head, eyebrows drawing together. Saylor refrained from fidgeting awkwardly under the gaze.

"You can sit here," Sage said, patting a spot on the couch next to her.

The corners of Saylor's lips tugged upward in an awkward smile, relief flooding her veins. She had no doubt she looked the epitome of socially inept standing there like an insecure high schooler and staring at the area. Of course, Sage had noticed, and that should have made Saylor more uncomfortable, embarrassed even. But Sage hadn't made a comment to draw attention to her. She offered her a place to sit.

Saylor strode across the main area of the bus, careful not to step on any of the controllers and videogame containers littering the floor, and collapsed on the couch with a content sigh. Closing her eyes, she let her body relax against the surprisingly comfortable cushions. The exhaustion that plagued her throughout the day, that she thought she had managed to stifle enough to last till the band members began to crash, buzzed to life again. She could fall asleep there, resting on the couch, the band members' voices floating around her, the hum of the bus engine blanketing her. She didn't think anyone would mind if she gave way to sleep. She wouldn't be bothering anyone, just laying immobile on the couch. The space between her and Sage big enough for a person to sit, Saylor didn't run a risk of leaning against her in her sleep and she saw no other reason she could bother the rest of the band members.

Unless she had a nightmare. But the threat of memories bombarding her couldn't make sleep less inviting. Her body needed time to relax fully, relaxation she wasn't getting by forcing herself to stay awake. So she had the potential to wakeup bawling and terrified. At least, she would get a little sleep. And sleep was good. Very, very good.

"Tired?" Blake's smooth voice tickled her ears.

Saylor's heavy eyelids slid open enough for her sleep-deprived eyes to land on Blake, who knelt in front of her. Breathtaking blue eyes stared up at her, concern flourishing in their depths. Excitement fluttered in the pit of Saylor's stomach, her heart beat heavily against her ribcage. A giddy smile may have spread on her face if the excess movement didn't require her to exert energy.

Blake cared that she was tired. No anger or irritation hid in her body language, voice, and expression. Only gentle concern that warmed Saylor. How long had it been since another woman cared for her like that, since another woman didn't yell at her for being tired, since another woman didn't hit her for showing a single sign of weakness?

"Exhausted," Saylor mumbled.

Fatigue tinged Saylor's sultry voice and radiated from her slouched posture and half-open eyes. Talking probably took more energy out of her than she had to give, and Blake almost felt bad for making her answer a more than obvious question. The energy drinks she had consumed were finally catching up to her, causing the long-awaited crash that would leave her sleeping wherever she fell.

"I bet," Blake said, "You want to go sleep? You can take my bunk."

"No, I'm fine," Saylor replied.

She sat up, straightening her posture, and shook her head in a desperate attempt to clear the haze that blanketed her mind. Forcing a smile, she met Blake's amused gaze again. As ready to sleep as she was, she wasn't going to give way to the desire. Not yet. Though she wanted to. Badly. But she would wait till the band fell asleep. Sleeping would be safe then.

Because no one would be awake to walk in on her having a nightmare then.

"Oh, really?" Blake asked.

Saylor nodded in response, humming an affirmative. Blake's eyebrow rose in disbelief. Saylor didn't want to sleep. She was ready to collapse at any moment and she didn't want to take Blake up on her offer. Again. Why was she so intent on not sleeping? She needed the rest clearly, and Saylor must have known she needed it. After all, she had acknowledged her exhaustion. So why didn't she just sleep?

"Well, my bunk is ready for you when you're ready," Blake said.

"I'm not kicking you out of your bunk. I can sleep here."

The couch was far more comfortable than the seats in the van. Saylor would sleep well enough till the nightmares gave her trouble. She was already fully prepared to fall asleep on the couch. All things considered, sleeping on the couch would keep the band members from hearing her bawl if that happened to be the outcome of her memory-plagued dreams. From the bunk area, they wouldn't hear her over the roar of the engine.

"Don't worry about it. Hayden probably won't sleep and he gets really noisy. I'll take his bunk," Blake said, "You'd get a better sleep in my bunk."

"Sleeping tonight, bitch," Hayden piped, slaughtering a zombie on his silenced videogame.

"That's what you said last night," Andy commented, not bothering to look up from his laptop, "Guess who didn't sleep."

"The zombies," Hunter answered for his twin.

"'Cause I killed them," Hayden added.

Blake rolled her eyes. Zombie slaying had taken precedence over sleeping in the past few days. Hayden was surviving on power naps and energy drinks. Not out of the ordinary for him, but that didn't mean he wouldn't exhaust himself keeping up the sleep pattern.

"Like I said, you'll get a better sleep in my bunk," Blake said.

"He won't be able to wake me up," Saylor said.

He wouldn't no matter how loud he got. Sarah and Jenny had yet to force her awake with their loud babble and music. Hayden wouldn't either. Sleep would claim her till a memory shook her enough to wake her. And she doubted Hayden would catch her crying over his own alleged noise.

"My bunk is open if you change your mind," Blake said, pushing herself up. "You want anything to drink?"

With a lazy shake of her head, Saylor rested against the couch, letting her posture fall. Blake's smooth chuckle tickled her ears, amused smile spreading on her lips to match. Saylor's heart fluttered, her stomach somersaulted, and Saylor could do nothing to stop her own smile from spreading. A small upward tug of her lips that possibly looked more like a grimace.

Shaking her head, Blake walked across the moving bus, each step skillfully executed, till she reached the kitchenette. She bent over, plucked a water bottle from the economy pack she'd bought in preparation for the tour, and straightened. When she turned back to the couch, Saylor's eyes were shut, her head tilted back against the cushions. An urge to cuddle against her, wrap her arms around her and hold her close till she fell asleep, overcame Blake. She knew she couldn't act on it, knew Saylor would be less than comfortable.

But she wasn't so sure she wanted to give up on that urge. It didn't hurt to try to bridge a little more of their contact gap.

Blake strolled across the bus, leaving the kitchenette and returning to the living room, and sat in the open space between Sage and Saylor. Sage smiled in greeting, then turned her attention back to the zombie gore decorating the television. Saylor didn't budge, didn't open her eyes, didn't shift, didn't acknowledge Blake's presence in any way.

Was she asleep? No, she couldn't have been. She was so against sleeping, Blake doubted she would let herself drift off. She was relaxing, that was all. Simply letting her body conserve just enough energy to stay on the edge of waking. She wouldn’t sleep till she was ready. For now, she was awake, still conscious, still capable of reacting with fear to whatever Blake did.

And that was enough to make Blake hesitate a moment before draping her arm over Saylor's shoulders. Saylor's eyes snapped open, darting to Blake's face. Fright didn't dance within them, only confusion. Blake nearly held her breath waiting for Saylor to realize whose arms rested on her shoulder.

Over her roaring exhaustion, Saylor couldn't comprehend more than Blake's gorgeous blue eyes, Blake's arm resting lightly on her shoulder and bringing her comfort, and the rapid beating of her heart against her ribcage. And that she liked it. A lot.

Thinking no further than that, she rested her head against Blake's shoulder, letting her eyes close.