Even Lovers Drown

Muted screams pulsed through the backstage hallways, excited exclamations of fans as the lights in the venue dimmed for the coming show. They would be louder later, when Say Goodbye took the stage. More fans would fill the venue, more voices would yell, more excitement would raise their volume. More, so much more. And Saylor would be forced to listen to the deafening screams while working the merch table.

After her soon-to-occur date with Blake, she wasn't sure she would even mind rude comments being thrown at her, let alone the screams. Whether it went well or not, her mind would be so consumed by her first date in nearly four years, she wouldn't care much about anything else.

Four long years of suffering and trying to heal and she was going on a first date with a woman who actually liked her, who was attracted to her, who wouldn't hurt her. And she wasn't sure if she was ready. She hadn't thought about her decision till she was sent to change, broken from the mind numbing task of unloading and setting up equipment to use her brain power to prepare herself mentally and physically for a date. Physically, she was ready, dressed and shuffling through the backstage hallways in search of Blake. Took her nearly twenty minutes to decide to stick with the ripped jeans and loose tank top she had worn all day but she hadn't decided to hide in the van to avoid the date, which was accomplishment in her eyes.

But emotionally, mentally, she wasn't sure she could handle what the date could lead to. The closeness she and Blake would share, maybe as just friends, maybe as more. The possibility of "more" excited her. She liked Blake. She was nice and pretty and funny and she didn't yell at Saylor and she made Saylor comfortable and she wasn't Katie. At all. Having more than a simple friendship with her would make Saylor happy, would help her abandon her fears, would help her heal.

Being that close to another woman meant opening herself up to getting hurt, though. She couldn't handle another hit at her emotional stability. And she didn't want to hurt Blake either.

Sighing, Saylor pushed the negative thoughts to the back of her mind. She wouldn't dwell on what could happen. This date wouldn't be wasted because Saylor was too frightened of her past to get close to a woman she liked.

The words "Hello, ladies" in Blake's smooth alto stopped Saylor before she could turn the corner, and the high-pitched, flirty giggles that followed sent her heart plummeting to her stomach. Groupies, the one's that naturally flocked to Blake. Saylor didn't need to hear them speak or see them hanging on Blake to know the pair of giggles belonged to women who wanted the get sexual gratification from her date to add a name to their, no doubt long, list. But Blake wasn't going to do anything with them. Not before the date she begged for. She wouldn't.

Would she?

Saylor knew she should make her presence known, should round the corner and put an end to the flirting that would ensue. It was only fair to Blake. Staying hidden and listening would be testing her. Blake didn't deserve that. Saylor was sure she had put her through enough for a date. She didn't need to make her earn trust, too. But instead of revealing herself, Saylor pressed herself against the wall and waited.

"Hi, there," one of the women said, her voice dripping in sultry desire.

The other woman giggled again, a flirty pitch hitching the obnoxious noise. Saylor resisted a gag at their antics. Their goal was obvious and, had it been another day, the goal may have been realize. Because they were Blake's normal women. This was how Blake expected women to act with her, nearly throwing themselves at her.

But Blake liked her. Blake was going on a date with her. Blake wouldn't do something to hurt her. And they needed to go away.

"Are you two lost or something? I can help you get where you need to go," Blake offered.

"Oh, I think we've found what we're looking for," one said.

"But there's somewhere you could take us," an identical voice finished.

Twins or sisters, the only explanation Saylor could form over the similarity, that wanted Blake at the same time. Not just a threesome, a threesome with willing siblings. It was like a male fantasy come to life. Saylor hoped the situation wasn't one of Blake's favored fantasies.

"And where would that be?" Blake asked.

"Maybe we could find an empty room and we could show you."

The explicit invitation of their desires. Their insinuated wants couldn't be skirted around. Blake couldn't send them in some round about conversation, pretend to be oblivious until Saylor had the nerve to appear. Anxious, Saylor waited for the response.

"I'm sorry, I can't do that," Blake said.

And Saylor's anxious energy disappeared. Blake was denying them, denying the realization of a fantasy. Quite possibly for her, if not just to avoid getting caught in the act.

"Why not?"

"We'll be quick, promise."

Saylor rolled her eyes. Of course they would stay and push the matter, insist Blake make time to share a quick exchange of intimacy. But Blake declined. They needed to disappear. Their persistence wouldn't get them where they wanted. Because Blake wouldn't cave. She couldn't. Saylor was trusting her not to.

Granted, hiding wasn't showing her trust in Blake. Her fears kept her pressed to the wall, waiting for absolute proof Blake wouldn't give in to the women's determined begging. That was for the best. Saylor wasn't sure what her burst of jealousy would have caused her to do to the two women and she didn't want to find out.

"I'm waiting for a very important woman," Blake said.

"Your girlfriend?"

Without skipping a beat, she said, "Hopefully."

Saylor's heart leapt, hardly out of discomfort or fear. Girlfriend. Hopefully. Blake's intentions for their barely existent relationship were more intense than Saylor expected. A date didn’t necessarily mean commitment. They were getting to know each other, becoming, deciding if, maybe, there could be more than that between them.

But after Blake’s struggle to get her to go on a date, how could she have not known the intention behind it all was the beginnings commitment. Not just the possibility.

And she wasn't completely terrified by the realization. She wanted what Blake had to offer, the emotional stability, the happiness, the affection.

"She doesn't need to know."

"But I would know," Blake said, "You both should go enjoy the show. I'm sorry I couldn't be more help to you."

Sneakers tapped against the floor, light footsteps headed in Saylor's direction, and frustrated high heels clicked in the opposite direction, taking the rejected groupies far away. Feeling somewhat victorious, though she had done nothing to rid of the women other than exist, Saylor relaxed against the wall and waited for Blake to round the corner. There was no sense in popping out of her hiding spot for the sake of pretending she hadn't been listening.

Blake walked around the corner, appearing at Saylor's side. Her deep blue eyes met Saylor's green ones and she came to an abrupt halt. Shock registered on her features before dissolving into happy familiarity. The excited smile on her face forced a smile to Saylor's lips and warmth through her veins, a contagion she could get used to.

"Hey," Blake greeted, her smooth alto warm, "I was just coming to look for you. I thought you were going to bail on me."

"I was waiting for you to finish," Saylor said.

Blake's smile fell, worry tugging the corners of her lips down and filling her eyes. For what reason, Saylor was unsure. Blake had said nothing wrong, nothing that would offend her. She didn't need to worry.

Shoving her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants and rocking back on her heels, Blake asked, "What did you hear?"

Plenty. Blake's denial of sex for her, Blake's mentioning of wanting more than friendship, good things. Only good things from her, unless Saylor had misinterpreted the conversation.

Maybe that was what Blake was worried about, a severe misinterpretation of the things she had said. But there was no way for Saylor to misinterpret anything, even with her emotionally disrupted mind attempting to do so. Blake had done something for her in an attempt to be faithful, though they weren't a couple. Yet. Saylor couldn't misinterpret that.

"Enough," Saylor replied, hoping her smile was enough reassurance. She pushed herself off the wall. "Come on. I want to see this spectacular date you have planned for us."

Not sure her verbal assurance would be enough to calm Blake's worry, Saylor reached out, wrapped her fingers gently around Blake's wrist, and tugged her hand from her pocket. Before she could second guess her decision, she slipped her hand into Blake's and laced their fingers together.

Perfect. So perfect. Like their hands were made to fit together, as cliché as it may have sounded. But that's what it was, a perfect connection between them that made Saylor's skin warm and her heart hammer against her ribcage in excitement.

And looking up to Blake's glowing smile made the moment all the more perfect.