Sequel: Happily Ever After
Status: Complete

Even Lovers Drown

Chapter 5

Saylor rested her head against the glass window of the van, green eyes trained on the road passing underneath the vehicle. The grey ribbon of asphalt darted by, the occasional yellow dash marring the bland color. Paired with the hum of the engine and the late afternoon sun, the monotonous view lulled her closer to sleep.

"Are they out?" Davy asked, interrupting Saylor's calm.

She twisted in her seat, slumber-craving eyes landing on the two teenagers sprawled out on the backseats. Eyes shut, faces relaxed, they were asleep, so deep in their dream worlds that Saylor hoped nothing would wake them. The silence was nice and enough of a clue for her to tell they were asleep without turning around.

In their waking hours, the pair had been talking nonstop to each other, to people on the phone, and via text messaging. They had the most obnoxiously loud message received tone Saylor had heard in her life. She didn't think she had ever been so thankful for silence in her life.

Lazy smile on her face, Saylor twisted back around in her seat. "Take a wild guess," she said.

"They jumped out the window? Damn, that's the third time this week."

Saylor chuckled, low and exhausted from hours of travel. She could only imagine how Davy was feeling, his hands glued to the wheel, eyes on the ever moving road.

"Are you going to be able to make it through the night?" she asked.

Davy smiled, the dimple in his right cheek visible to Saylor. He looked from the road to his younger sibling. "I'll be fine," he assured and turned his attention back to the road.

"If you get tired, I can take over."

His deep chuckle rumbled through the van. "Saylor, I've been doing this since I graduated from high school. I'm used to it."

"Are you sure?"

Davy chuckled again. "I'm sure. I'll stop at a coffee shop if I need it."

Saylor nodded, satisfied with the answer. This was Davy's life. He knew his limits and knew how to handle driving over night. If he needed Saylor's help, she was likely to be awake. Despite the engine's hum and the unchanging scenery urging her to sleep, she would avoid the call. Sleep was dangerous. Too many memories she tried to avoid during waking hours took advantage of the unprotected state sleep left her in. And Saylor didn't want to remember.

"Can I ask you what happened back there, or is it too soon?"

Saylor looked at him, eyebrows drawn in confusion. His face gave no indication as to what he was referring to, and he offered no explanation. The smile was gone from his face, the dimple in his cheek hidden away for future use.

"What are you talking about?" Saylor asked.

"You freezing up when Blake attempted to shake your hand."

"Oh, that."

He was bringing that up. If he hadn't been absent during the year she returned home, he would have understood. He hadn't seen her when she walked through the door, hadn't seen the way she reacted to the questions and stares, hadn't seen her do anything she could to stay in her old room for six straight months with her stuffed rabbit Mr. Giggles clutched to her chest while she cried. He wasn't able to be there and see her at her worst.

"Yeah, that. What was that all about?" Davy asked.

"I couldn't do it," Saylor mumbled.

After a year of therapy, she couldn't even shake another woman's hand. Despite how much work she knew was needed for her to recover, this felt like a huge failure. The prospect of shaking a woman's hand caused her to become so anxious she froze, reminded her of the woman she was trying to forget.

"Is it because of..." Davy trailed off.

She could hear it, the uncertainty in his voice. The older brother she used to lean on for strength as a kid didn't know how to approach the subject, even sounded uncomfortable attempting to do so. Not because it hurt him but because he didn't want to hurt her.

"Katie," Saylor filled in.

"Yeah, Katie."

Her name rolled off of his tongue and spilled from his lips as if it were foreign to him. Hearing him say it almost made her uncomfortable simply because of the strain in his voice.

"Would it surprise you if I say 'yes'?"

Davy said nothing immediately, made no gesture to say anything at all. Silence overcame the van, drowning Saylor with its thickness. The hum of the engine weakly attempted to fill the hush but wasn't enough to compensate for the stilled conversation. Saylor waited patiently for Davy to sift through the thoughts that were sure to be rushing in his mind, waited for him to come to some understanding of the situation, waited for him to speak.

Finally, he mumbled, "It was just a handshake."

"Everything starts with a handshake," Saylor replied.

"But the therapy—"

She cut him off before he could finish his hopeful statement. "Can only do so much in a year."

Time. It took time, and she needed to remember that. Her family did, too. As much as she didn't like admitting the therapy had done little in the year she spent participating in it, she had to set him straight.

"Doesn't it mean anything to you that you're safe now? Doesn't that help?" Davy asked.

"I don't know what 'safe' means anymore."

"It means she can't get to you."

"Too late," Saylor mumbled.

Physically, she was safe. No one could hurt her with her family around. They helped her get out, and they would help her get over this. But the mental damage, that had already been done. The nightmares that kept her up, the memories swarming around her head, her fear of women, those things would be there whether or not Katie was around, just as the physical scars would never truly disappear. Katie had already gotten to her.

"I don't understand, Saylor. I want to help you, I do, but I just," he paused and shook his head in desperation, the shaggy blonde hair moving gently with the motion, "I don't know."

"You know what happened."

"That's not enough."

Saylor sighed, fiddling with the sweatband on her left wrist, eyes focused on the unchanging scenery. He knew about the things she had to endure, at the very least knew vaguely what had happened. That should have been enough.

She looked down at her lap, still fiddling with the sweatband. A cigarette burn scar peaked from under it. She knew two more stained the skin of her wrist, safely hidden from view by the band's chunky fabric. Her heart throbbed with a want she recognized. Maybe it wasn't enough that he knew what happened.

Eyes shifting from her wrist to her brother's profile, she said, "I still love her."

Confusion flitted across his face, twisting his mouth and furrowing his brows. "How can you still love her?"

"I don't know," Saylor shrugged, "I just do. No matter how much she hurts me, no matter what she does to me, I still love her. She could break my arm and I would come crawling back."

Some strange force of nature kept her coming back, kept her wanting what hurt her most. Katie had a hold over her, and no matter how many times she tried, Saylor couldn't break free. Her family had to get involved to get her away from Katie because she couldn't do it herself.

"But you wouldn't go back to her now, right?"

Saylor bit her bottom lip, body swelling with anxious energy. The answer wasn't the one Davy wanted to hear. His little sister would run into the arms of a woman who was more dangerous to her than a rattle snake.

"Saylor?" he pushed, a frantic hitch to his voice.

"Davy," she sighed, "it's hard not to want to."

"You can't be serious. After everything you went through, you'd still go back to her?"

"I never said this made sense."

He quieted, sullenly staring out the windshield. Saylor wished she could tell him she was joking. But she couldn't. This was the sad truth, and that was what Davy wanted, the truth. He may have been expecting something a bit more positive, but life didn't always go as expected.

"Isn't there any way I can help you?" he asked.

"I just need to get away and clear my head."

"That's why you were so set on traveling." Davy nodded to himself. Without moving his eyes from the road, he took one hand off the steering wheel and grabbed Saylor's. "I'm here for you. If you need anything, a break or me to beat up someone, let me know. I'll do anything to make sure you're okay."

Saylor smiled at her brother. Half-siblings or not, he had always been protective. Even if she didn't ask for help, he would be there. Being away from her parents, she needed that stability regardless of how pathetic it sounded.

"Thanks, Davy. You're the best."
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Dakota Ray