Even Lovers Drown

Davy guided Saylor from the merch booth and across the venue floor. He made no indication to others in the venue that something was wrong, simply strode with purpose, his arm casually draped over Saylor's shoulder. There were no signs of worry on his face, no tense muscles. His smile seemed easy. His posture was lax, normal. He was the epitome of calm. Saylor hoped she appeared the same.

She glanced around the venue, worried that someone had noticed her irrational reaction. Sarah and Jenny were lounging on stools at the merch table, flipping through magazines. The band members of Say Goodbye, minus Blake, weren't looking in her direction, instead talking to Andy and laughing. Andy's expression slowly morphed from content to anger.

No one noticed. Even as she and Davy walked through the tight hallways of the backstage, the workers they squeezed past noticed nothing, going about their business without sparing the siblings a second glance. They had a show to perfect. The siblings were the least of their worries. Saylor was thankful for that.

Tucked under her brother's arm, Saylor let him steer her out of the venue, into the nearly deserted parking lot. The dull heat of the sun relaxed her body, something Davy's hold hadn't been able to do and probably would never be able to do again. His hold used to stop her tears and bring her comfort. Before Katie, his arms were Saylor's to cry in. Physical gestures didn't bring Saylor much reassurance anymore, regardless of what gender was touching her.

Davy's steps slowed considerably, tennis shoes tapping against the pavement in unrushed tempo. Worry worked its way onto his face and caused his shoulders to slouch. Saylor watched him, continuing to walk alongside him and waiting for him to speak. Running a hand over his face, he sighed.

"Saylor," he started.

"I'm sorry," she blurted.

She was wasting his time and energy. Her petty problem wasn't his to deal with. He had a job to do. She shouldn't have allowed him drop everything to take care of her. She could have walked outside fine on her own. An escort wasn't necessary. But she hadn't said anything while he led her out, too consumed in her own issues to think about his work, and now he was stuck dealing with his little sister.

Davy looked down at her, eyebrows furrowed, his blue eyes questioning her. "Why are you sorry?"

He didn't look mad, didn't sound mad. Curious was more like it. Not a trick to get her to admit to being wrong but genuine curiosity. Saylor felt a little silly for assuming he would be upset. She wasn't sure where the sudden anxiety came from.

"I just, you know," Saylor shrugged, "I don't know. I'm taking up your time—"

"No, you're not. Doors don't open for another thirty minutes. We have time."

Thirty minutes till fans rushed into the venue and bombarded the merch booth. Saylor would be thrown into the most social situation she had been in since the breakup. She wasn't worried, not like she should have been. The fans weren't going to make long conversation with her, weren't going to hit on her. Not like Blake.

And Blake would be gone for the night. Saylor doubted she would risk walking around the venue once the concert started. The promise of a disappearance of Blake's presence was reassuring. The longer she would be away from her, the better off she would be.

But Davy was continually coming to her rescue. Using up his time to take care of his damaged little sister. He had better things to do regardless of how much time was left till the doors opened. She wouldn't tell him that though. He had always been there to bail her out of trouble, and that wasn't changing no matter what she said.

She shrugged her shoulders again, dismissing the whole subject. Her lack of response left them in a silence, filled by the far off voices of workers. The disgruntled grunts and yells were a decent background noise to their aimless wandering.

"Where are we going?" Saylor asked.

"No where." He smiled at her, sluggish. "Around the parking lot, I guess. I figured you needed some air."

Fresh air would do them both good. Saylor's reasons were obvious. Too many things were bombarding her that didn't during her time at home. Davy's exhaustion, on the other hand, may have seemed work induced, and it was. Partially. The workload was fine for him. He was used to merch worker life. Being the boss of a small team of merch workers was not something he was used to. Eccentric fronts were an easy cover-up of his anxiety and nerves.

Saylor nodded. "Air's good."

"Helped you calm down."

"Being away from Blake helped."

Blake had been the one to make the comment, the one to unintentionally provoke Saylor's emotional upset. Saylor's inability to handle her comment wasn't Blake's fault, but she was the one who didn't leave when she wasn't wanted.

"Do I want to know what she did?" Davy asked.

"She asked me to sleep with her."

There was no point in going into details of the preceding conversation. Davy didn't need to know the short conversation that led up to Blake's offer. She had been okay until Blake asked her to stay in her bunk for the night. Exhausted and a little irritated, but relatively fine nonetheless.

What she had gone through mentally after Blake's offer didn't need to be discussed. She didn't want to go into it. Because going into detail would make her relive her failure and she wasn't in the mood. Detaching herself from the situation was the only thing she could do. And she couldn't work her way through the situation, understand the reasoning for her feelings and her reaction and find a way to conquer it, without her therapist. She had no one to help guide her. No one certified. A few techs that probably thought they were certified once they had enough drink or smoke, but no one truly certified.

"And you said?"

He didn't seem to care much about the proposition Blake made. His voice was calm, his hold didn't tighten. As if Blake asked Saylor to spend the night with completely innocent intentions.

"No," Saylor said.

Laughter flowed from his mouth, exhaustion mixed in with the obvious amusement he found in the situation. The humor he found didn't spread to Saylor. She didn't smile from his normally infectious laugh. This wasn't funny.

When his laughs cleared, he said. "Well, you're the first girl since high school. I think you might be Sage's new favorite person."

Great. Saylor was the first person in a long time to deny Blake. The members of Say Goodbye would tease Blake for days, possibly make a few comments towards Saylor. News would spread and everyone on tour would know by the end of the next day. And Blake would respond by trying to save her player reputation, conquering the one who denied her. Saylor would never get peace.

Davy's eyes hooked on Saylor's frown, his amused smile dropped immediately. "You're not smiling. Did it bother you that much? You handled yourself pretty well. You should be proud."

"She's like Katie," Saylor mumbled.

It was in the open, her general feelings about Blake's completely unwanted attention. Blake reminded her of Katie. Nothing specific. Saylor wasn't close enough to Blake, and never wanted to be, to know just how similar she and Katie responded to anything Saylor did "wrong." There was an air about Blake that reminded her of Katie, a warning sign that told her to keep away.

Davy's nose crinkled with disagreement, and he shook his head. "She's nothing like Katie."

Of course he didn't agree. Blake was his friend, had been since they were in high school. Comparing her to Katie was the ultimate in betrayal. But he didn't know Katie like Saylor did. He had only met her a few times in the beginning of their three year relationship and had seen the front she put on to get approval from Saylor's family. He didn't know Katie the same way Saylor did.

"She's a smooth talker, a player, and dangerous to my sanity. She is exactly like Katie," Saylor said.

"You're overreacting," Davy said.

"I'm not."

She wasn't. Blake very clearly reminded her of Katie. What Davy saw in her wasn't important, it was how Saylor saw her. No amount of lecture or rationality would change how Saylor viewed her. Katie was still in her head. As long as she was there, Saylor's views on the world would be warped. Saylor could admit to that, but she couldn't change that. She didn't know how to.

"Look, I understand you're healing but this is ridiculous. Blake would never hurt another woman the way Katie hurt you."

"Yeah, right."

"She wouldn't. Unless you're into that kind of thing. Then, she may break a few of her rules." He caught Saylor's incredulous look. "Right, not funny." Sighing, he ran his hand through his hair. "Did you ever think that, maybe, sleeping with Blake would help you move on? Nothing serious. Just something fun and easy, something that will make you feel better about yourself."

Was he serious? Sleep with Blake? Saylor wasn't sleeping with anyone, let alone Blake. The very idea of sharing the same air space as her made Saylor's skin crawl.

"I'll pass."