Secrets Never Known

The atmosphere was different. That much was obvious as soon as I had entered sleep. Even before my mind had closed off to the real world there had been a twist in my stomach. Now, seeing that beaten look in his eyes made my entire gut knot up. He was mumbling things to himself and flicking switches with a bit more force than I knew was necessary. Suddenly, something seemed to snap in the man's eyes. His hand slammed onto a button of unknown function and he spun around to bang his fist into one of the blank walls in a fit of frustration.

I watched him take a deep breath before sinking to the ground, his back to the wall. I couldn't help it. My feet carried me forward until I was crouching by his side, one unsteady hand hovering over his shoulder in an undecided gesture of comfort. His face hidden by his hands, I wondered if, for the first time, I would see my Madman cry. But his cheeks were dry when he slowly lifted his head again to stare in front of him, a lost look in his eyes.

"Where are you?" he whispered in a fragile voice.

"Here," I whispered back in vain hope.

I thought I saw his face twitch in recognition, but the moment was gone and my soaring heart plummeted. "I'm here...," I whispered one more time as he jumped to his feet, his body passing like a ghost through my trembling hand.

He resumed his work with equally shaken fingers.

AnnaBelle had never once been sick. The doctors her parents had taken her to when she was young told them that she had a rare auto-immune disorder that caused her antibodies to overproduce. They killed an infection or disease the moment it entered her system. Her parents had allowed her to be tested on. She was injected with live bacteria, and nothing ever happened. She was immune to every disease and malady in the world.

Over the years she'd also become immune to the feelings of the people around her. She just couldn't bring herself to care for people who, themselves, were so careless. There was exactly one thing that affected her more than the damage her fellow humans were doing, and that was her Madman's desperation. She couldn't handle seeing him in vulnerable moments. She wanted nothing more than to be able to tell him exactly where she was. She wanted to tell him that she was okay; that she was alive. Because sometimes, though he never said it, she could see that that was his biggest fear, and she wanted it to go away.

Anna tried many times to make sense of the Madman. He had to love her, just like she loved him. If he didn't love her, he would have stopped looking a long time ago, right? But he kept traveling, and she knew that he would never stop until he found her. Her one wish was for him to be real; her one true friend in the world. Wonderful and terrifying, kind and harsh, soft and aggressive. The bright beauty of Heaven and the dark fires of Hell. He was all hers.

She tried, on many occasions, to talk to him in her dreams. Anna never expected for him to reply or acknowledge her when she did, but it still stung when nothing in his face changed. When he was angry she would whisper soothing things to him until he calmed. She liked to think that she'd had a part in his cool down, but she knew she hadn't helped at all.

She wondered at times if she was mad, just like him. Perhaps the Madman was her mind's idea of who she was. A person who was searching, always and forever, for the one thing in the universe that would make her whole. AnnaBelle cried sometimes for her man. He was so strong to keep looking. He never gave up. It seemed like he would when he got upset, when that small bit of quiet despair broke through his somber mask, but he never did. He never would, Anna knew. She only hoped that the dreams would never stop so that she wouldn't lose him like he lost her.