Six Feet Under the Stars

The hotel room was packed wall to wall with people.

An overweight man stumbled out the door in front of us with a lampshade on his head and whiskey on his breath. A group of seven or eight people were jumping on the bed, ruffling the unfolded sheets and making the mattress creak dangerously under their weight. On the kitchen counter a couple were making out while people played beer pong on the table right behind them.

The apparent culprit, Jack, broke away from a blonde who was twirling a finger flirtatiously around his ear and charged up to us with a grin. "What do you think, guys?"

"I think you trashed the room." Alex pointed out seeming neutral to the whole situation. He took in the scene before him looking flabbergasted. "Do we have to pay for that?"

Jack shrugged, "I'm not sure. But I say we should leave Portland with a bang. We haven't partied in the longest time and we deserve it for all the touring that's ahead. So grab a beer and enjoy the music."

"Can't argue with that logic." Alex grinned widely.

"Where's your stuff?" I questioned shifting side to side uncomfortably. I couldn't understand how Alex was so calm about his best friend throwing a party in his room and letting random strangers gallavant around especially when the band had to leave any time now. The 'guests' could have been breaking things or stealing his belongings. "Don't you have to pack?"

"There's plenty of time." Alex waved a hand dismissively and drug me by the waist into the party alongside him. Distracted by a guy chugging down alcohol for a bet, he asked distantly, "Where's Rian and Zack?"

"Somewhere around here. I'll leave it up to you to find them." Jack spoke with a grin and motioned around him with a hand, "It's a messy world out there." As if on cue, someone crashed into the table and knocked off a decorative vase.

"Damn, man. Where'd you find all these people?" Alex's eyes combed the crowd with a mixture of shock and admiration for the random celebration on such short notice.

"Just around." Jack shrugged nonchalantly. "Up for some beer pong?"

"Sure, I have to keep my skills in check. Wanna join in, Melanie?" He asked with a smile and meeting my eyes. "I always thought we'd make a good team after that one night when we saw the Locomotives."

The authentic band's music floated back to me as well as the drinking. After that, it got fuzzy and the next thing I remembered was waking up next to Alex in bed. It wasn't something someone easily forgot. "Maybe a little later." I replied, shifting my eyes away. "I'm gonna find something to drink."

"Okay, I'll find you later." Alex promised before lightly pressing his lips to my cheek.

Jack raised an eyebrow and as they walked away and I heard him say something about moving on fast. My brain quickly wandered away from the pair and focused more on the growing feeling of discomfort edging its way into my my mind. To be honest, I never felt truly comfortable at parties with all the pandemonium going on.

As I made my way towards the bathroom, a man bumped into me and steadied me with a hand. "Sorry." He grinned goofily obviously well past being contently drunk. Giving a hiccup, he slurred his next question, "Can I have your number?"

I moved on without replying and entered the safe-hold of the bathroom to wait out the worst of the craziness and regain my bearings again. After a moment I realized I wasn't alone as the dark blue shower curtain russled in a constant movement. A feminine moan escaped from behind the makeshift cover and several grunts in succession echoed off the linoleum before I backed up and closed the door again.

Making a bee-line for the main exit, I quickly ducked out of the drunken man's way for a second time and ended up back in the quiet hallway alone. For a few minutes, I walked back and forth the length of the hall unsure of what I should do. I felt like a downer not wanting to party, but I really wasn't in the mood to be around random people.

Loneliness engulfed me as I rode the elevator back down to the ground floor. Part of me wished I could enter the party and let loose, but my mind held too many constraints that I couldn't seem to break even with warning of The Devil card looming at the front of my mind. It just seemed like too much to face.

Wandering out the front doors, I convinced myself that some sort of coffee drink would cheer me up. I entered a chain store and strolled up to the counter with my eyes turned up to the drink menu, scanning the choices. "What can I get for you?" The young cashier asked with a friendly smile as he wiped a glass clean.

"I think I'll go with a mocha latte." I answered shelling out over four dollars for the drink. After recieving my coffee, I took a seat in a booth in the back.

Looking around at the customers on laptops and chatting way with old friends, I felt a little left out and my loneliness only seemed to grow as more time passed by. Sipping the drink carefully, I didn't realize the person approaching me until they were standing right in front of me. "Didn't think I'd find you here." Dorian told me scraping a wooden chair back in front of me.

I almost choked on my coffee. "What are you doing here?"

"Picking up some coffee for the guys. We'll need the caffeine to get through the next hour. We're unloading the equipment and rechecking it before we start driving. You know, to see if everything's in proper order."

"Oh." I shifted guiltily in my chair. "Do you need some help?"

"Not anymore."

"Sorry, I wasn't there."

"It's okay. We did alright without you."

A silence ebbed on and the awkward feelings between us grew. It was the strange bubble of emotion that occured when seeing someone you recently broke up with. A swirl of love and hate coarsed through me and I wasn't sure which side was winning the war.

I broke the silence first. "How was your day?"

"Pretty boring." Dorian admitted and took a gulp from my coffee cup out of habit. "Just hung out at the hotel most of the time. Watched some boxing pay-per-view. I figured I'm not paying for it so I might as well get something good out of it."

"I guess that makes sense."

"How about you?" He asked looking interested.

I thought of my day: getting chased by All Time Low fans, the tattoo parlor, the street vendor, running into Madame Esmerelda's, kissing Alex in the elevator, and the wild party raging on upstairs. "Pretty interesting."

Like a robot, he laughed stiffly, "I take it you spent the day with Alex?"

"Yeah, I did." I didn't really see the point in denying it. It wasn't a secret or something I wished to hide. "Right now there's a crazy party going on in his room."

"I'm not surprised you aren't there." Dorian grinned mockingly, almost re-splitting his hurt lip. "Seems like Alex doesn't know you as well as he might think. I remember trying to take you to that college party when we first met and you pretty much bolted out of the door."

"I'm not a people person, I guess." I fiddled with the sugar packets, making them neat in their holder again. They were like resetting dominoes that would only be knocked down again.

"I don't think that's it." Dorian disagreed. "It just never seemed like your scene in the first place. I learned fast not to push you into it. Just went out on my own when you weren't there."

"Am I really that boring?" I questioned glumly leaning my chin in my hand.

"You're just not a big risk taker, I guess. Always just on the sidelines waiting. It's not a bad thing; it's just how you are."

"But it's not what I want to be."

"I don't know what to tell you." He shrugged and pushed his chair back again, "Listen, I really gotta get back to the guys and help them. Maybe we can talk some time on the bus?"

"Um... I'm riding in a different one."

"Oh." Dorian's face turned red out of anger but he kept his emotions bottled. "Then whenever you get back around to me, I guess we'll discuss things." Without buying coffee, Dorian charged out of the coffeeshop and slammed the door shut, leaving the bells tinkling in his wake.

The cashier glanced up from the dishrag he was wiping the front counter with and looked over at me from his position a few tables over. "Uh... everything alright?"

"Fine, thanks." I told him abruptly while working to shake the conversation with Dorian from my mind. I didn't want it bogging down my thoughts.

After a moment of enlightenment, I decided to head back to the hotel party. I decided there was no reason why I couldn't be a part of things. It was only my fault if I removed myself from the fun. Quite determined, I marched out of the shop and down the street to the hotel. Ignoring the monotone greeting from the hotel desk clerk, I hussled to the lobby and punched the button for the hotel floor.

I could feel a sense of empowerment rushing through me, ready to burst through my pores. There was never a time I had felt better. And suddenly I knew what I wanted; to find Alex and pull him somewhere alone. Or just spend time with him.

The drama with Dorian seemed so far away and it didn't matter in the end. A new chapter of my life was unfolding and I was going to be the one to turn the next page. I was going to take a step forward and roll the dice with Alex. No one like him had ever entered my life and I was ready for a change. A metamorphosis.

Briskly walking down the hall as fast as my feet could take me without breaking into a sprint, I knocked on the locked hotel door and some drunk guy wearing a Yankees hat opened the door with a grin and a twelve pack of Budweiser in his hand. "Hey, honey. Join the party."

Eagerly, I elbowed passed him and my eyes scanned the energetic crowd looking for only one person. After a moment, I located Alex in the kitchen next to the scattered beer pong table. The game was long over and all the plastic cups were empty. He was admist conversation with his hair ruffled to the side and a grin strewn across his face. I didn't think he had ever looked better.

My heart beat as I strolled across the chaotic party before me making my way through the dancers and over to the kitchen. Alex didn't even notice I was there yet. A smile tugged at my lips as I stepped through the door's threshold and could see him leaning against the refridgerator turning a red plastic cup around and around in his hands.

In an instant, I stopped in my tracks like I had been hit my a train. A girl with curly red hair leaned up towards Alex then pressed her lips to his.

And he didn't pull away.