Six Feet Under the Stars

My face was frozen in shock.

"Sorry, that was a bit too descriptive." Jack apologized seeming slightly amused by my reaction. "Alex didn't exactly say that. He was just a little paranoid we fooled around or something because you were ignoring him earlier. And, you know, we both did walk out of my hotel room together. Probably with guilty faces after you walked in on me naked."

"Did he send you as messenger?" I raised an eyebrow and gracefully ignored his comment about nudity.

"I mean, it would be kind of hard for him to confront you with this kind of thing." He reasoned with a half-smile that was meant to look encouraging. "Just think of it from his perspective."

My voice held a note of astonishment. "If he's saying things about me then he should be able to say it in front of me. And from his perspective? He shouldn't care what I do with whoever I do it with. Alex sure as hell didn't think of me earlier at the party."

Covering his face in frustration, Jack talked from behind his hands sounding a little muffled, "This is too complicated. You should just go over there and talk to him. Get it all sorted out."

Overdramatizing the leisure I took, I sunk lower into the cushion I was resting on. "Maybe later. Right now I think I'll just cozy down here for a while. He can talk to me if he wants to."

Apparently Alex didn't want to talk to me because hours passed and several chapters in the mystery novel I was reading flew by uninterrupted. I felt a little unsocial staying away from the band members for this round of the trip, but the break from human contact was kind of a nice change especially after the overstimulation of the party.

Books were always a wild escape. For my thrifty budget, it was the easiest and most diverse way to take a vacation. Just read a page and you could be transported into another world entirely, allowing you to lose touch with reality for a while. It was one of the feelings I loved the best but also one I rarely experienced these days with my busy work schedule.

It was only after the bus stopped in the middle of the nowhere that I remembered Alex telling me earlier that the band had an annual 'camping' trip. Frankly, I wasn't in the mood for the acoustic guitar, good vibes Kumbaya shit tonight. But as the band exited the bus, Zack hung back and shouted, "Come on! It'll be fun."

Grudgingly, I marked the page in my book and headed out to the great oudoors. Stepping into the woods was a drastic change from the cement maze I had been trapped in earlier. The bugs sang in harmony and wind rustled through the leaves of mature trees lining a slow bobbing lake set back from the civilization of the rest stop center. The water was so sluggish that it almost seemed to have no water flow at all.

The bus was parked on a large pavement slat with long slots to house RV's and eighteen-wheelers. It wasn't a camping ground; it was just a rest stop on the side of the road with woods around. There was a convenient store and gas station up the hill that had bright floodlights. They almost made it seem like day time.

Once again, the roadie bus was caught behind due to the bus ages that caused more frequent stops and motor checks. The four band members as well as I few people I recognized from the concert were huddled around the side of the bus and leaned along the gleaming paint. Feeling a little out of place, I wandered off along the parking lot and stopped every now and then to avoid a hole in the cement or to chuck a rock over the guardrail and into the mass of lake water.

"What are you doing?" Alex's voice called out to me. He stood with his hands thrust into his pockets next to a family RV looking a little sheepish. Maybe a little scared at how I would react to him too.

"About to have some hot sex with Jack." I answered sarcastically. "I'm trying to scope out the best location."

Surprisingly, Alex turned a shade pink and took his time walking up to me. His feet kicked gravel up from the pavement as he met me. "Sorry about that. I wasn't sure."

"Maybe you should trust that I wouldn't do something to hurt you like that. Especially with your best friend." Wrapping my arms around myself, I consolingly rubbed my soft jacket feeling content to have it on in the chilly night.

"I guess I should have thought some more." He shrugged and looked off towards the fluorescent lights glowing ahead of us. "Sometimes I think too much."

"And sometimes you don't." I added under my breath.

"What do you mean by that?" He shot me a sharp look with piercing eyes.

Deciding to be completely honest, I said boldly, "The girl you were tonguing by the fridge in your hotel room. Did you think I was so much of a dumbass that I wouldn't see, or that I just wouldn't care enough to confront you?"

"Is that what this is all about?" Alex threw his hands up in the air.

"Yes." My lip quivered. "Is that such a crazy thing to be mad over?"

"It doesn't matter though, Melanie. Don't even worry about it. I can't believe this is the thing that has you worried and avoiding me like the plague." Sighing, Alex pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Sorry for caring. I guess nothing matters anymore. You're in a famous band, traveling the country. Hell, just have all the girls you want. It's like an endless supply at each concert. Why stop at one? Just string them along until you get bored." Frustratingly, my eyes filled with a sheen of tears that I was determined not to shed.

"That's not what I'm trying to do. If you just let me talk for one second I can explain what happened. You're jumping to way too many conclusions. Just let me talk, Melanie." He stepped forward and his presence was a little overpowering.

I stayed silent and waited expectantly. Unfolding my arms from me, Alex made me realize just how rigid my body language had been before his touch. I cursed myself for melting in his hands so easily but now it was an automatic reaction because of the level of comfort I felt around him. Despite everything, I still wanted him around. Alex leaned in close to me and waited for me to make contact with his eyes before he continued speaking.

"It was nothing. I swear it didn't mean a thing. It wasn't even planned. One second she was asking about the new All Time Low album and telling me how much she loved the music, then next she just leaned up and kissed me. I couldn't really prepare for a sneak attack like that. It wasn't the first time it's happen. Honestly with the crazy people out there it probably won't be the last either."

"That sounds like bullshit." I mumbled.

"I know it does but it's true. Really, it's not like I enjoyed it. Kissing her was kind of like kissing my aunt or my grandma or something. There was no feeling about it. Sometimes lips can just be lips, and not mean anything more."

"So my lips mean nothing? Great."

"Don't put words in my mouth." Alex said beginning to sound frustrated. He held my face between his hands firmly, "Your lips are the ones I want. Okay?"

Slowly, I shook my head even though my heart was pounding with adrenaline. "I don't know if I believe you. You could have said the same thing to a million girls before me. You know what? I'm glad I didn't sleep with you."

He scoffed, "Really? I could have sworn you were the one who wanted to break into those condoms like it was our last night on earth."

I flushed red in the moonlight. "People make mistakes."

"You're saying that but you can't forget one mistake I made? One mistake I haven't even thought about since it happened? You're being a hypocrite." Damn, I really hated when Alex was right.

"Well... I... it's hard to forget, that's all." Consciously, I knew that Alex could tell my resolve was weakening the more time wore on. The familiar fire that often burned between us was rekindling just by being around each other again.

His fingers grazed around my ears gently and our feeling of intimacy shot through the roof. Leaning forward, Alex kissed under my jaw sensually and slowly rounded my jawline as I stood there feeling paralyzed under his lips. "Forget it." It sounded more like a question than a statement.

I hated how his lips made my stomach do flips. I hated how with one explanation Alex was getting me to trust him again. I hated how attracted I felt to the man holding me in his arms. But most of all, I hated my weak heart and my weak reply. "Okay."