Six Feet Under the Stars

"You seem distracted." I walked up to Alex and rested a hand on his arm as he stood by the kitchen sink on the moving tour bus.

He heaved a heavy sigh, "Just thinking a lot."

"What about?" I asked concerned about the guant look taking over Alex's face. Shadows of black lingered under his eyes like the grim reaper. It was unhealthy.

"Caitlyn called me again late last night."

"About baby stuff?"

"I guess." Alex shrugged stiffly. "Mostly she was just asking me to help her out with a few bills. Like the water and electricity."

"Well, what'd you say?" Trying my hand at patience, I listened to the story diplomatically but was starting to fume on the inside.

"I really didn't give her an answer. She wanted to drudge up every horrible aspect of our relationship for over an hour. Saying that we had always been off. Never should have been together. And she started telling me that it's my fault she's going to have a baby."

My jaw nearly dropped. "How'd she manage that excuse?"

"Said I was away too much. Because I was touring, I wasn't there for her needs and she had to search elsewhere to get it." Alex seemed pained by that fact.

"You know that's bullshit, right?" I double-checked the obvious.

"Well--."

"No. No 'well.' Her actions got her pregnant, not you being away. Because you were already devoted to each other, she shouldn't have been looking for another outlet for sex anyway." I told him getting angry at Caitlyn's low blows.

"Things are complicated." He shifted on his feet.

"Alex, she's basially blackmailing you for money. Caitlyn's trying to make you feel bad about her pregnany, so that you'll fund a love child. And who knows if she's even going to use it for the kid. She could take that money and buy herself a new pair of shoes. You don't know."

"But the kid--."

"The baby's father should be helping out."

"He's not claiming anything. Apparently the guy is putting it all on her. Basically, he threw a twenty at her and told her to get an abortion." Shaking his head, Alex let a slow breath out and gripped the edge of the counter.

"That's terrible." I admitted despite my reservations about Caitlyn.

"So I don't see the harm in sending her a check now and again. It'll help her out a lot."

"She'll get accustomed to it and expect the money. I mean, just send the child a gift for the baby shower. That's a one time thing. If you start sending her checks, she'll never want them to end. You'll become her money tree. That's using you, Alex."

"Just let me figure it out." He said sounding a little annoyed with me trying to give him advice. "I'll get it sorted out."

At that moment, a buzzing sounded and Alex turned to his pocket for his cellphone. By the look on his face, I could tell that it was Caitlyn calling to check up on the status of his bank account. Sighing overdramatically for Alex's benefit, I abandoned him in the kitchen and decided to spend some quality time with Jack, Rian, and Zack.

The trio was busy playing an intense game of Old Maid. They had left poker behind for the moment after losing a few cards to the deck. Still, they insisted on betting; a coupon for coffee and a crimpled receipt with a hasty 'I-O-U' scrawled on it in the middle of the table to win. I stole a card from each of the band members at random and took a seat on the left of Jack.

"I guess you're in." Zack laughed at my sudden entrance. "You have to throw something into the pot if you want to play."

Thinking quickly, I dove into the front pocket of my jeans and threw a piece of gum that was gooey from the warmth of resting against my thigh all day. "I hope that's okay."

"I'm not sure I want to win that." Jack joked just to give me a hard time. Rian and Zack rallied together with him trying to give back my contribution in exchange for something better. The three boisterously disagreed with all of my arguments about the conveniences of fresh breath.

"Damn it, Jack." Snatching the gum back, I popped the piece into my mouth and thought about what else I could possibly throw in to the pot. Hesitantly, I settled on the anklet I had bought from the street vendor back in Portland. "Happy?"

"More or less." Jack shrugged still smiling.

Ignoring his comment, I stole a card from Rian and cursed under my breath. It was the Old Maid. He made eye contact with me and I could see the laughing twinkle in his eyes. I just shook my head. This was just my luck.

After a few more rounds and failed attempts at a victory on my part, Jack ended up winning the prizes in a pot. He greedily pulled them towards him while saying, "Mine. They're all mine!" Zack, Rian and I all groaned collectively and watched Jack enviously as he pocketed the coupon and twirled around my ankle bracelet in his hands. "This is stylish."

Wsitfully, I studied the beads and shells. "You know, it probably won't even fit you."

"Are you calling me fat?" Jack faked outrage. "Way to be an asshole."

Frustrated, I hid behind my hands and spoke into my palms, "Shut up."

He laughed happily as Alex entered the room looking in worse shape then when I had left him not even twenty minutes ago. Like a zombie, he lumered into the room and his eyes didn't make contact with anyone's. It was obvious his brain was working overtime to process whatever Caitlyn had told him over the phone.

I watched him anxiously for the next hour and didn't see him smile once. Jack talked to me for most of that time about high school and stopped to ask me a lot of questions about my years trapped in the slot before college. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why he was interested. I only half paid attention to our conversation. Eventually, I pulled Alex to the side of the room and asked him quietly, "Are you alright? You really don't look good."

"I think I need sleep. I'm just running on fumes right now." He spoke in a daze and wobbled on his feet slightly.

"Alex, you should really sit down." After my recent pass-out I was worried that the singer would collapse in the middle of the tour bus. Feeling like a nurse, I guided Alex to an empty chair as if he were an elderly man, even assisting him to sit down.

He slumped forward and glumly leaned his chin on balled hands. From across the bus, I watched him as I filled a glass with ice and poured filtered water into it. "Do you know what's up with him?" Jack asked as he came up next to me just after talking politics with the bus driver. "He looks half dead."

"I think he might be." I told him honestly turning the sweating glass of water around nervously in my hands. Jack laid a gentle hand on mine to stop my nervous habit before I continued, "It's Caitlyn. She's asking him for money."

Jack sighed, "I never liked her. She wasn't good for Alex. Their relationship was very destructive on both sides."

"At least they're not together now." I reasoned. However, it was obvious that even with the separation Caitlyn was still spinning her web, ensnaring Alex in her mind games.

Jack took the glass from me, and the two of us went over to Alex together. He looked up dizzily at us and I rubbed a comforting hand along his shoulder blades and kissed his cheek gently. Stiffly, Jack handed his best friend the water and stepped back a little from our bubble.

"What'd Caitlyn say?" I murmered against his skin.

Alex turned to me and our mouths almost aligned with him in the chair and me leaning down next to him. His closeness momentarily dazzled me before his words brought my attention back to the dilemna at hand, "How'd you know it was her?"

I laughed softly, "A woman has her ways."

Alex shook his head, "I'm scared I'll never understand women."

"You probably won't." I told him honestly while distractedly studying his eyes.

Taking a long draught of water, the essential beverage seemed to awaken some of the life behind Alex's weariness. "I'm over that. A long time ago I decided I'd never learn the art of females."

I could tell he was avoiding the elephant in the room, so I blatantly asked, "What did Caitlyn want?"

"Not money."

"Okay, that's a start." I laughed in response to how ridiculously difficult Alex was making this. "Don't tell me she wanted you to help birth her child."

"She didn't ask that yet." The way he said it made it sound like Caitlyn asking him to deliver the baby was an unavoidable given. Something that was expected. Somehow that small fact revealed how messed up their relationship had been more than anything else Alex or Jack had told me.

"Well, what was it?" My patience was wearing thin.

"You won't like the answer." Alex warned seriously.

"That doesn't mean I don't want to hear it." I told him, urging him forth in the response.

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Alex avoided my eyes with a guilty look on his face, "Caitlyn wanted to get back together with me."