Six Feet Under the Stars

I almost laughed. "That's so crazy."

Alex remained silent.

Biting my lip, I asked, "You told her no, right?"

More silence.

"Alex?"

"I didn't tell her either way. Things are just too confusing right now. Sure, Caitlyn and I had our problems but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings for her anymore. To be honest, I do. A part of me will always love the girl, just like a part of you will always love Dorian." He smiled encouragingly at me, but all I saw was a facade.

"Are you serious?" My face was blank, controlled.

"Is that so hard to understand? I mean, I didn't say any way. I want to think about it."

"Review your options?"

"Yeah." When he saw my unamused expression, Alex hesitated. "I mean, no. Maybe. I don't know."

"Girls shouldn't be options. I understand having jumbled feelings. Hell, you're right; I still have some with Dorian. But I'm not keeping him at my heel, stringing him along for a chance I might get back together with him. I decided to move on to someone new. And I commited to that decision." The scorch in my eyes communicated how much I had commited; my body.

Alex's jaw clenched. "So did I. No condom remember?"

Flushing pink, I hushed him quickly. Jack was still barely five feet away from us and Alex was airing our sexual problems out for him to hear. Those matters were private and I hated the fact that Alex was acting like this. In a way, his actions reminded me of Dorian.

"That was a mistake."

"The lack of protection or me?" Alex questioned angrily.

My pride overrided my logic. "Maybe both."

"Then why the hell are you still around me if I'm so terrible?"

"You know, maybe I should just wait around like a marrionette. Pull a string and I'll do whatever you want. Break up with my boyfriend? Sure. Screw my ethics? Hell, why not." I managed to speak with fervor under my breath.

"Your ethics? You were the one who came onto me." Annoyingly, he smirked.

"I was not the--."

"Yes, you were." Alex automatically denied.

All I could think was that this was all bullshit. Caitlyn's toxic reach was lurking second hand into the budding relationship Alex and I were in the middle of. Her poison seeped through his mind and I could tell one thing; Alex was the victim of abuse. If anyone, I would know the signs: the lying, jumping to anger, protective attitude towards the abuser. Caitlyn beat Alex not physically, but mentally. That was almost more terrifying.

Suddenly, I pitied the man before me who was strong in so many ways. Just like how he heped me break the abusive cycle with Dorian, I wanted to help dissolve the mental bonds Caitlyn had placed inside his mind. Taking a deep breath, I ended the argument on the high road. "Okay, let's just take a while to cool down before we both say things we might regret."

Grudgingly, he accepted. "Fine."

Leaving him to think, I went back to the cramped bedroom quarters that were only separated from the rest of the bus by a flimsy cloth. Since I had been sleeping on a makeshift cot out in the eating area, I chose a bed at random and sunk into the bouncy metal mattress. I had a whacky hope that the thin blankets could shield me from all of life's problems.

Internally, I was feuding with myself struggling to figure out if I was mad at Alex or just sad about him second guessing whatever we had started to have. Maybe I was foolish leaving Dorian for him. At least with my ex-boyfriend, I never had to question his feelings in regards towards me. He went about his anger in the wrong way, but when we were happy our love was real.

A russle of sheets alerted me to a new presence in the room. "Well, well. Every guy dreams about walking into his bedroom and seeing a woman laying in his bed, but I just wished you didn't look so sad."

"Jack, you're going to make me laugh."

"And what's wrong with that?" Jack took a seat halfway down the bed and sprung up and down as if he were a released rubber band. "Smiling is good."

"Not when serious things are going on. Sometimes you have to be sad and dwell in it to get through the problems." I shimmied farther into the bed.

"When you feel like crying, laugh instead. That's my motto." He smiled demurely and looked at me from underneath his swaying hair. "Now, what's wrong?"

"I'm not going to push my problems on you. You already have to worry about the tour and fan pressures. All of the playing. You don't need anything else on your plate right now, Jack." Distractedly, I felt the seam of the comforter in my fingers.

"Let me worry about myself. I know what I can handle and I'd like to help you out."

"Why?" I questioned.

"Let's not worry about motives." Jack waved away my question and focused his eyes back on mine, "I know it has something to do with Alex. My sleuthing skills are getting better with all these mysteries to investigate these days."

Groaning, I pulled the sheets over my head and enjoyed the peace of the darkness for a moment. In a matter of seconds, Jack joined me under the makeshift tent and pushed me over to the extreme edge of the bed against the bus wall. He stretched out next to me and our arms brushed lightly in the middle causing the hair to stand on end. Jack faced the cover-roof and whispered, "I can keep a secret."

"He's your best friend."

"Exactly. I probably know Alex better than anyone else. If something is going on with him I'll be able to tell you what he's thinking and his reasoning behind everything. Guys have a lot going on upstairs that girls don't understand sometimes." Jack told me.

I spoke dryly, "Yeah, I know what's going on in a man's brain; sex."

"Not all the time." He chuckled deeply causing the bed to move up and down. "But seriously, Melanie. What's going on? You can trust me."

"I know I can." I sighed. "This morning I never thanked you for sticking up for me around that creepy cashier. It really meant a lot that you stood up for me. A lot of guys wouldn't do that for me. Most don't care, like the roadies."

"Yeah, what happened with that?" Jack asked extremely softly.

"I think they hate me. Really, I'm not sure why or what I did. They probably have some weird aversion to women working outside of the kitchen." I said cynically.

Jack choked back a laugh. "That's terrible."

Nodding, I agreed. "I know."

Silence overtook us and only the sound of over breathing warming the tight space was audible. I really liked talking with Jack. The two of us always got along really well. Conversation with Jack was easy and came naturally. Finally, he filled the void, "And with Alex?"

I sighed for another time. "He's thinking about getting back together with Caitlyn."

Completely shocked, Jack's voice shot up a few volume levels. "What?"

"Calm down." I warned, laying a restraining hand on his wrist giving it a firm squeeze. Even in the dark, I could feel what had been my former anklet hanging loosely around his wrist now a bracelet. "It's not official or anything. But I guess she just really wants him. I think he's actually seriously considering it."

"Even after she cheated?" Jack asked inredulously.

"Yeah. Isn't he crazy?"

"Definitely." Another thought popped into Jack's head. "What about you?"

"What about me?" I asked hyperly aware of our closeness thought not at all bothered by the proximity.

"He can't leave you."

"Yes, he can." Part of me was sure he would. I couldn't compete with the history that Caitlyn and Alex shared. They had too many memories and experiences together for me to even try to fill. When it came to her or me, I was sure Caitlyn would win every time.

"That's fucked up." Jack said bluntly, not beating around the bush. "Something's wrong with his head if he's going to choose her over you. I'm going to have to talk to him. Seriously have an intervention or something."

"Don't." My voice rang out through the shadows around us.

Jack flipped the covers off from over our heads and a rush of cool oxygen surrounded us in a pleasurable gust. Instead of laying in a tentm now it was just Jack and me side by side in bed which was a little strange but not enough for me to change my position away from him.

"I'll do it covertly." Jack promised with a head of tousled bed hair. "Alex is being really stupid right now. I don't know what he's thinking. I mean, there's not another person like you out there and all I can say is if I had--." Suddenly, he cut off and surprisingly a tinge of pink stained his cheeks. It must have been a delayed reaction from the heat under the blanket Taking a steadying breath, he changed his next words. "Just... just don't worry."