Six Feet Under the Stars

Despite Jack's attempts to calm me, I still worried my head off.

I hung out with him all day in his bed. Mostly we laid there and talked about random subjects, one topic brought us into another with an endless loop. We didn't have to work to keep the conversation alive, it just happened. Jack and I discussed our favorite movies, Canadians, and sushi which for some reason flowed together despite the seemingly vast space between the subjects.

Effortlessly, Jack made me laugh and smile as if nothing were wrong. It was a relief to leave the worries of my love life behind me for at least a few hours and just focus on having a nice time with a friend. I felt worn thin from all the recent drama and Jack just seemed to make things better without even trying.

Now with Jack gone for an impromptu band meeting on the bus to discuss the theatrics for the upcoming concert, I was left alone to drown in my thoughts and worries. My mind was exerting itself on the obvious topics at hand; Alex and Caitlyn.

The bus began to slow down just as my brain began to pick up speed. Seattle, the new destination, stood at attention looming from behind a few storm clouds that hung over the city like an unwanted umbrella. It looked like your basic metropolitan city with buzzing traffic, narrow roads, and coffee shops on every crowded corner. However, the vibe from the area was a whole different feel than Portland had been. Seattle rang with more excitement and immense possibility awaiting on the cracked sidewalks.

Industrial looking people with gauges stretching their ears and tattoos hung outside of music venues smoking cigarettes and no doubt drinking black coffee. Suddenly, I wanted to know these strangers and be a part of their midnight-parties-underground-club society. However, the tour bus zoomed passed them and the only contact made was a quick once-over of the gleaming paint job from a guy sucking on end of a Kool cigarette with black hair sticking in erratic directions as if he had battled with the wrong end of a hairbrush in the morning.

Seattle was a jeans and sweatshirt type of place so I shrugged on a comfortable Penn State hoodie from my luggage in the connecting room. Instead of sulking in my bad mood, I grabbed my novel that I was about half an inch into and sat in a straight-backed chair. Usully I would have chosen a more comfortable location to read in but choices on the tour bus were limited.

Just as I began a new chapter, the four band members entered the cramped space coming from the front of the bus where the quick meeting had been held. They all took seats around me and Alex hesitantly met my eyes before looking away again. I wondered if he had decided between Caitlyn and me yet thought I didn't like the idea of him having to conciously choose. Love shouldn't be that way.

"Not being able to throw parties? That's no fun." Jack pouted from across the table from me. "Everyone had fun at the one I pulled together so I don't know why everyone's complaining about it."

"That's debateable." I told him feeling the smoothness of page eighty-seven of Gone With the Wind. All the party reminded me of was getting drunk off of Russian Standard and literally running into Jack naked. Alex's kissing betrayal hardly even crossed my mind anymore.

"Hey, there was nothing wrong with that. Sure, I didn't know three-fourths of the people that showed up but that's usually how those things go. It's all networking."

"That's the reason?" I questioned skeptically.

"Well... and the booze." Jack admitted sheepishly.

"Don't think I didn't see that blonde you were flirting with. She was all over you. What's she say her name was? Ashley? Jessica?" Rian laughed heartily from across the small room.

Jack snorted. "It was Marie."

Rian shrugged, "All the same in the end. We meet so many people."

"She was nice though. A little too forward, I think, because she kept trying to kiss me the whole time I was asking her about her intern job as a florist. I actually wanted to know about roses." He sighed dramatically and plunked his chin into the cup of his hand.

"She just wanted you, not to talk." Zack pointed out the obvious. "Good thing she didn't know you like to get to know your prey before you pounce."

"Sorry. Guess I'm just a hopeless romantic." Jack joked while stretching his arms across the table. His fingertips drummed right in front of me.

"Aw, Jackie. You're so sweet." Alex playfully taunted his best friend.

"What can I say? I'm the best."

I rolled my eyes and made puking gestures. "Oh, please."

"It's the truth. I've learned not to let skeptics keep me down." Jack nodded in my direction and flashed a smile at me.

The conversation went on for a few more minutes and filled the amount of time it took the bus driver to maneuver the oversized vehicle down the city stareets and to the hotel. All of us felt like we were in safe hands with the Seattle-native driver. He knew the backstreets like the back of his hand as well as the trouble areas to avoid traffic and gang activity.

Once inside the hotel, the manager took care of signing in as the rest of us grabbed a room key and headed for the elevators ladden with our heavy luggage. Since I wasn't technically part of the band, I had to room with Alex and Jack with the promise of a sleeper sofa in the living room.

The hotel room was spacious with two bedrooms, a good sized sitting room, and a decent kitchen with new appliances. Everything around us oozed high class and high quality. Jack and Alex turned to their separate rooms to get aquainted with the surroundings. Both of the boys had offered me their bedrooms in exchange for the couch but I had turned down their offers.

I heard the tell tale signs of a shower ruminatng from Alex's closed bedroom door as I settled onto the firm couch cushions with a Time magazine from the coffee table in front of me. After a moment, Jack entered the room and took a seat down next to me. He huffed impatitently until I closed the glossy magazine pages over. "Yes?"

"I talked to Alex earlier."

That was news to me. "What? You were with me almost the entire day. When did you get a chance?"

"Hey, I like to keep my secrets underwraps. I have that highly coveted ninja stealth everyone is looking for. I'm a high comodity." Jack told me sounding serious.

I laughed, "Okay, Jackie Chan."

"See, the two of us almost share a name. We're blood brothers."

"That's creepy." I scrunched my nose.

"Too far?"

I nodded, "A little."

Jack sighed, "Whatever. That's not the point. I talked to Alex about the whole Caitlyn thing. I think he's pretty set on waiting it out to see what happens. Obviously, he cares for you."

"Doesn't seem like it." I mumbled.

He gave me a look, but only continued, "You have to realize that he was with Caitlyn for a really long time. At one point, he was thinking about moving in with her and buying a house with her. Since she cheated he hasn't really been right. You've definitely helped with him feeling better, but his ex is still sort of in the picture."

I sighed, "But she's pregnant. Not only that, but with another man's baby."

"I know." Jack told me sympathetically. "But until he sorts things out himself she'll always be an option for him. From what he said, he wants to see her again and find out what is actually going on with the baby. He hasn't seen her in months even when they were dating. Alex is just screwed up inside down. He wants to move on with you, but the lure of Caitlyn is still holding him back."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" I asked feeling completely lost. It was as if I were crossing a bridge and suddenly the cement under me disappeared, only to make me free fall in space with no solidity.

"There's a few options." Jack shimmied into the cushions farther to get ready for the conversation at hand. "You can leave him and get back together with Dorian who I'm sure would want you in a heartbeat. Or you could wait it out through all of this patiently."

I laughed without humor. "Patient is not my style."

Jack shook his head and a smile formed on his lips, "And the last thing, is wait it out but live your life while you're doing it. Go out and have fun. See the city. Just keep the problems off your mind so they don't smother you."

"Great." I said glumly. "For the first time in years, I'm lonely and single. This sucks."

"Enjoy the time off without any worries. I've been single for a while now and it's really not all that bad in the end. Not as long as you have a friend and something to do." He told me.

"Okay..." I started slowly. The last idea didn't really sound bad. All it entailed was having fun and seeing the city, like I had wanted from the beginning. Seattle seemed to be full of endless possibilities for me to unlock. "You're my friend."

"Yes." Jack replied cautiously, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Want to explore the city with me?" I grinned encouragingly.

"I don't know if that's the best idea. Alex and I are best friends so it'd be a little fucked up if I started hanging around his girl all the time." He shifted in his seat but didn't seem totally opposed to the idea.

"Yeah, and we're friends too so it's be a little fucked up if you let me wither alone in my misery. Come on, Jack. I'm dying over here. I just want a nice night out on the town. That's harmless."

"Well..." Jack's resolve began to fade.

I pounced with a persuasive argument, "It'll be a lot of fun. We can dance and drink. You know, really discover Seattle's night life. I'm pretty much up for anything."

With a halfhearted sigh, Jack replied. "Alright, but only beause it's you."

For the first time that night, I felt okay about being single.