Six Feet Under the Stars

"Alex," I paused, at a loss for what to say. "What are you going to do?"

"Nothing."

A surprising spark of anger ignited in me, "You have to do something. Pay child support, see the kid. You can't just ignore this and hope it goes away."

Alex seemed almost like a child himself at times. Not taking responsibility for what his actions had caused was sinking to a low level. The way I saw it, Alex went off and had fun, and now couldn't face his own decisions.

"Melanie, I--."

"Seriously, your child needs a father. Abandoning them isn't the answer. You can't let Caitlyn go through this alone either. Who knows what the hell she's feeling right now. Probably alone, scared, and--."

Frustrated, Alex took my face between his hands to get my attention and my rambling immediately seized. He angled my face up towards his, and looked straight into my eyes. His gaze was piercing and fierce, like a lion protecting its territory. Measuring out his words, he tried to drill facts into my brain.

Somehow I managed to breathe.

"Listen to me. She's already five weeks along now. I haven't seen her in months."

Confusion clouded my thoughts, "That doesn't make sense."

He looked away towards the window and the passing traffic reflected in his eyes, "Not if the baby was never mine."

The sadness overwhelming his expression was heartbreaking. I had once heard a phrase about grief often being greater over what someone never had rather than what one has had and lost. Looking at Alex, I could see the truth in those words.

"I guess I wouldn't have made a very good father anyway. Off on the road all the time, playing shows." He shrugged, trying and failing to look nonchalant. The hands around my face fell to his sides. "Just not a good combination."

"Hey," I touched a hand to his cheek, "It just wasn't meant to be with her. She'll look back on this and realize she made a mistake. People tend to make stupid decisions. She has to live with this, but you can move on. Plus, you saved yourself a couple of dirty diapers to change."

That got a smile on his lips. To my disappointment, it didn't reach his eyes. "I guess you're right."

Comfortingly, I wrapped my arms around him, "Give me some more credit; I know I'm right."

Alex chuckled and squeezed me tighter, "You know what the craziest thing is? She said the guy she slept around with runs the laundromat next to her apartment complex. If I remember right, that guy had a good thirty years on her."

Wrinkling my nose, I replied, "Well, maybe it was worth it."

"Probably got a discount on laundry." He reasoned, raking a reassuring hand up and down my back.

Melding into his body, I felt more safe than I had in a long while. It was nice just to be held. A simple touch with no expectations, no demands. Just comfort.

"A very good discount."

Alex's chest shook with laughter, "You know what, Melanie? You're not so bad."

"Thanks. It means a lot." I said, sarcastically.

Ignoring my joking, he continued, "I really thought you hated me when we first met. And now look at us; we're hugging each other after having a good ol' heart to heart."

Realizing we had been holding onto each other for much too long, I began to step back. Alex's arms wouldn't loosen an inch, and even held me tighter.

"Maybe we should let go." I suggested.

"No, I'm kind of liking this new development in our relationship."

"Relationship?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows though he couldn't see them. "I thought we had a friendship going."

"Of course we do, but we're one step above now, honey."

"Pet names too?" I groaned.

"I know you love it."

Infuriatingly for me, he was correct.

"You should have seen it! Zack had the best hand and just--." Running into the kitchen, Jack stopped short as he caught site of Alex and I crossed in each other's arms. "Oh. Did I miss something important?"

"Just showing my love to the new roadie." Alex answered.

And suddenly, he snapped back to normal. The pain in his eyes receded slightly, and his goofy grin was back in place as I moved out of his arms. He kept the distance close, almost touching hip to hip, as we faced Jack.

Jack studied us with suspicion before he went on, "Well, Rian threw all the earnings back into the pot and then added that cool beanie we found outside the subway in New York. Zack won it all."

"Bet Rian's pissed." Alex grinned widely.

Jack's smile matched his, "They're playing another round. You in?"

"Hell yeah! I don't want to miss this."

"You should get in on this too, Melanie." Jack invited. "It's always good to have a woman's touch."

I laughed, "Okay, it sounds like things might get pretty intense."

Alex and I followed Jack towards the separated dining area, like a game of Follow the Leader. Stopping short in front of me, Alex turned to me in the makeshift doorway of the kitchen. The sudden halt had me bumping into his chest.

Alex's strong hand settled my swaying, but the quick kiss he planted on my cheek did nothing to help my coordination.

"What are you doing?" I asked, more shocked than upset. The skin he had touched with his lips tingled.

"I just wanted to thank you for listening."

Burning in his eyes were the residual feelings of sadness left behind from our conversation. But there was something in there that resembled hope. Leaving the kitchen after an extended moment, I was allowed to float in my own thoughts.

Looking back on the unexpected conversation, I was completely shocked. Somehow I would never quite picture him in the same way again; Alex was more than the fun-loving person I had first met. There was depth to the man.

Depth, that if caught in the undertow, one could easily drown in.