Summertime.

One day, maybe a month or so after I’d talked with your brother, you decided to actually knock on my door. It was, like, three in the morning and I was tired and when I heard that rapping on the front door I was afraid that my mother was going to wake up.

I looked out the window and I saw you standing there, your hands shoved deep within the pockets of your pajama bottoms, and I was completely shocked because we hadn’t talked since that time at the river.

“What are you doing here?” I half shouted, half whispered from my bedroom window.
You looked around, your eyes catching mine as you stepped back from the front porch. “Hey,” you respond, a smile finding your lips. “Can we talk for a minute?” You look a little nervous, but I can tell you’re happy that I’m talking to you.

“It’s three in the morning. Do you realize that?”

You nod. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry it’s so early, but I really need to talk to you. I tried waiting until this afternoon, but I can’t do that. So… can you just come down here for a minute? I won’t take too long.”

You looked kind of desperate; Like you were really worried that I was going to tell you no. I actually thought about it, but I was tired of being an asshole and holding grudges. I sighed and told you to hold on a minute so I could put a shirt on and go downstairs.

I don’t know what it was that made me want to talk to you so badly. Perhaps it was the fact that I was hoping, deep down, that we could, maybe, try and go back to way we were. A part of me was hoping for that even though I kind of knew that something like that wasn’t very likely.

“What did you want?” I asked you as I stepped outside.

You stood there, awkward, not knowing how to put your thoughts into words. It was strange how well I still knew you after five years of nothing. As much as you’d changed, you kind of stayed the same in some ways; the way you had a hard time telling people how you really felt, the way you still shifted your weight form one foot to the other because you were so nervous, the fidgeting of your fingers… I still knew you even though I felt like I didn’t.

“I uh…” You looked up at me, scared. “I’m sorry.”

I raised my brows, shocked. “You’re sorry?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I am. I mean, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said before and I know I’ve been really selfish. We were best friends and I sort of just left you here, alone, while I drove off to Mexico on a whim. I didn’t think of how hard you could have taken that, and I’m sorry.”

I didn’t really know what to say to you. I’d been waiting for an apology for so long and I’d never even thought about what would come afterwards. Would we just put it all behind us and move on, or would it just sit there while we tried to figure out how to co-exist?

“Um… thanks, I guess,” I told you. “It means a lot, you saying that.”

We stood there, unsure of what to do next. I looked around, trying to see anything but your face, but I was all too aware of the fact that you were standing there, waiting for me to make the next move.

“So…” You began. “Where do we go from here?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, uh… for now, I guess we just accept things for what they are. I mean, it’s clear that things have changed between us.”

You nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

I could tell you were a little sad about that. I just knew you were disappointed in the way things had turned out and, to be honest, I was too. I wanted my best friend back. I wanted that night where we danced like free men and slept under the stars. I wanted to feel like I loved you again.

But I didn’t, and that made me feel so lost and sad. Because, you were back and you were standing right in front of me and I simply didn’t feel that anymore.

“We can talk later on today, if you want,” I told you, a small smile on my lips. “I’d talk to you right now, but it’s three in the morning and I’m a little tired.”

Your face lit up and you nodded. “Yeah, okay,” you said with a laugh as you rubbed at the back of your neck. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s fine. I’m actually glad you stopped by.”

You started walking back to your house, waving before completely turning your back to me. I watched as you made the short journey to your front door and, for the first time, I felt okay about the way things were going.

For the first time, in a long time, I felt hopeful.