Do Overs and Second Chances

“Hey,” Izy said back to John in a small voice after she lifted her head from where it had been resting on her knees.

“What’s wrong?” John asked the girl in response to her tear stained face.

“I’m so sorry, John,” she told him quietly. She had never really understood how much it hurt to be cheated on. She knew it must of hurt but she could never of predicted how bad she felt right now. She felt devastated as if the last two years were all just a bunch lies.

“What are you sorry for? You didn’t do anything to me.” John’s face showed his confusion as he tried to figure out this girl he had once thought he had known so much about.

“I might not have done anything to you recently, but…” Suddenly she felt herself struggling for the words. No words seemed to be enough as she sat there staring right into John’s eyes.

“You’re not talking about two years ago are you?” John asked even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

“I am,” she said and then ignored him when he tried to say something to her. “What I did was terrible. I don’t even deserve your forgiveness I don’t even understand how you can stand to see me. I don’t deserve you being nice to me right now you shouldn’t be here. I should just be alone forever.”

“Izy, what’s going on with you? Where is all this coming from?” John asked. He wanted to reach out and comfort the girl but instead he just ran a hand through his hair.

“How do you even get over something like that? It feels like the world is crashing down around me and everything that I thought I could depend on was just a mirage.”

Suddenly everything clicked for John like a puzzle finally coming together. “Izy, something happened between you and Cameron didn’t it?”

“I saw him kissing Amber,” she told him but broke their eye contact.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be I deserved it. It’s karma isn’t it? I cheated on you, so now I’ve been cheated on. It’s not like you were the one that was kissing my boyfriend anyways.” She tried to try to lighten the mood and pretend that she was fine, but she wasn’t fooling either of them.

“Izy you don’t deserve that. No one does. I forgave you because I know you regretted what you did and you punished yourself enough. I’m not saying you should forgive Cameron but you should know you don’t deserve to be cheated on.” While he was talking he pulled a joint out of his pocket and fiddled with it.

“I just want to forget about ever meeting Cameron right now. I thought he could be the one. It seems stupid now, but he was the first person to really make me happy since I messed things up with you,” Izy confessed surprised by her honesty.

“Well now you know at least. He might not be the one but if you weren’t with him you would have never ended up here. You got to see your family again and we wouldn’t have been where we are now without everything that happened.”

“Wow that’s really deep,” she half teased finally being able to slip back into her old self.

“Yeah I’ve been known to drop some wisdom every now and again,” he smiled back at her. They were quiet for a while causing John to turn his attention back to the joint in his hand. He pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit it. Izy watched as he took a drag curiously. She wondered when he had started smoking and in the back of her mind she also wondered what it was like.

However, she forgot the questions when he held the joint out to her. The voice in the back of her mind told her not to reach out and take it, but she ignored it and took a drag involuntarily coughing after. “First time huh?” John asked and Izy nodded yes and he let out a small chuckle. She brought the joint to her mouth for a second and took in the feeling of smoke filling her lungs. They passed the joint back and forth and then just sat there before Izy’s thoughts became too much for her.

“John, do you think I’m stupid?” she asked.

“What? Of course I don’t why would you even ask that?”

“I caught Cameron with someone else. If that was going on while I was here on tour with him, then how am I supposed to believe that nothing happened while I was waiting at home? What if this wasn’t the first time? What if he never even really liked me? It’s me isn’t it? I’m tainted or something.” Izy was fully ready to go on asking questions but John stopped her.

“Izy,” he said but she ignored him until he turned to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Izy listen to me,” he demanded and the girl went silent. “You’re just getting paranoid. If Cameron was cheating on you it was not your fault. He is crazy to let someone like you slip away. “ While he tried to make her feel better he rested his hand on her cheek and she just looked into his eyes. She started to feel her old feelings all come back, but then suddenly he drew his hand back as if surprised by his actions. “Maybe we shouldn’t just sit here,” he suggested while he stood up and held his hand out to Izy.

“What are we going to do then?” she asked.

“There has to be a party somewhere right now.”

The two of them started walking around until they found a party. They were about to join the group but Izy grabbed John’s arm and stopped him. “What if Cameron is there?” she asked wide-eyed.

“It will be ok I’ll be right there by your side and if you see him we can just leave if you want,” he offered. Izy nodded and took John’s hand for comfort before they walked closer to the party.

Once Izy started to come down from her high she started drinking, as did John. She was a few drinks in Cameron showed up at the party. Izy’s back was to him so John saw him first. “How about we leave? This is getting old.”

“Why would we do that? The night is just starting,” Izy said loudly and then started to giggle.

“I know Izy. So we should go somewhere else,” he suggested.

“Wait is there a reason you want to leave?” she asked. Although she was drunk she didn’t miss the guilty look on John’s face. She turned around and what she saw instantly took the smile off her face.

John was expecting the worst. He expected tears or yelling, or something else dramatic, but instead Izy’s face was cleared of all emotions. “You’re right let’s go,” she said before the two of them slipped away from the party. She stayed silent for a while before she spoke. “Remember the first night we told each other how we felt at that party?” she asked hypothetically.

“Of course I do what about it?” he questioned.

“I just missed you, John, and us,” she told him. He didn’t know how to respond so Izy took his lack of response as an opportunity and kissed him.

Pushed her back in surprise but kept contact. “Izy you’re drunk, we both are,” he tried to reason with her even though it went against all the thoughts that where screaming in his head.

“I don’t care,” she responded before kissing him again. That was all it took to release the floodgates. All the feelings Izy had been feeling washed over her and she kissed him harder. Once they had started John matched her intensity as they started to pull at each others clothes.

“Don’t think I don’t want this, because I do, but we are in the middle of a parking lot right now,” John informed her motioning to all the vans surrounding them.

“Alright let’s go,” she agreed.