For Him
How I made it
I got pregnant the summer before my senior year. I entered my high school pregnant, and scared. Only a handful of people knew, but it was spreading like wildfire. Exactly what I was afraid of. I was the talk of all my friends, and my enemies all betted money on whether I would drop out or not. My friendships took a dramatic turn, especially with the only person who mattered, my best friend Megan. Eddie didn't like her (for multiple reasons...some of I don't even know the reason) so we decreasingly stopped talking and hanging out. That was very hard because before that, we were inseparable. My heart was aching from that for a long time, judging by the fact that Eddie bitterly refused that I see her (that's all changed now, thank god!) and I don't think he will ever like her. I wish he would though...I love her! We were best friends since she told me my hair smelled like cat pee. Haha...long story. Anywho, high school was hard. I was tired all the time, and had the worst morning sickness that would pop it's ugly head on and off all day. So mornings were hell. I got into it one time with my mom about just dropping out and getting my GED. Yeah, it was that bad. Night school was another alternative, but I never got around to it. I just kept going to school, trying to keep my work up and get my homework done instead of passing out when I got home (which I did most of the time, thanks to study halls that I even passed at all!) mom told me everyday that I got home after I ranted about how my feet hurt, or how I fell asleep in class and got yelled at or how I got dirty looks, how proud she was of me. And I think that made going to school easier in a way, because I knew that if I made it, I would make my son so proud too. Along with my family, since I was the first to graduate in my family for a while, and I would also be so very proud that I beat the teenage pregnancy drop out statistics.
My due date was originally April 11th, 2011 (a day after my birthday!!) but he came early. On March 26th, 2011 my beautiful boy was born!! At 37 weeks he was here, and just as perfect than if he had come any later. (I will post my birth story/experience sometime soon). I remembered feeling so huge and scared/excited as hell as my due date approached. I went online and read books and always did a lot of research on what my baby would look like at a certain gestation and what things could happen that could end in tragedy. Yes, I'm a very paranoid person. My whole pregnancy I was terrified of miscarriage, and around the end of my pregnancy, stillbirth. I even tried to lower myself down to come to terms if that would happen. I could tell that sometimes, Eddie just wanted to smack some sense into me. It wouldn't have worked anyways! Because I'm a natural worrier. In fact, it's what I do best. I wory and I worry and I worry myself sick. I'm the worry warrior. Hahaha...that was lame. Anyways, even when my son was born, I would hold him close and cry because I was so terrified of SIDS. I thought I was going to lose him. I always have. But he keeps proving me wrong by growing bigger and bigger and getting healthier and healthier :) I would also peak into his crib with every noise he made, making sure he wasnt suffocating...even though there was nothing in his crib that would make it possible for him to suffocate...(you can tell I got lots of sleep then, huh??) I'm so paranoid about Maddox. My imagination is evil when it comes to my son. Blah! Forget about it, Alicia! Writing about it is making me think about it haha.
Well, the time when I was supposed to graduate was near the time I was to have Maddox, so my doctor and school counselor wrote me up for home instruction. What is that? Well, it's when you have an injury of some sorts and you have to get your work brought to you by a teacher, and I guess my injury was giving birth...ha. Well anyways, my teacher that had these work meetings with me was Mrs. Elliott. I had always liked her. She signed up to be my home instructor because she was determined to get me to graduate. Even after I slammed a door in her face on accident in 10th grade, then ran away laughing....it's fully how things work out sometimes, huh? Everytime we met, she would give me a bunch of bookwork, have me take a few tests, then I could be on my way. I had Maddox then, and he made things very complicated. One time, I met Mrs. E at the library, which is apparently not a good place to bring a baby, and he cried constantly. I breastfeed, so I had to keep running into the bathroom to feed him so that his screaming didn't bug any true librariers. And then as soon as he was calm I would leave the bathroom, sit down at the table and then he would just start up again. I can not believe the patience Mrs. E had. If I were her I would have gone bonkers. I'm so happy to have had her help me! So I would bring my bookwork home, and procrastinated for such a long time till my work was due either the next day, or that day. So I had to sit down, prop the baby up with a bottle, and thoroughly scribble down my work as quick as I could. I'm pretty proud I got all that work done the way I did...it truly was hard. But that was my own darn fault for waiting so long to get it done! But I did it :) and I'm so proud. Because I WILL get into a college and earn my degree to make the money that will give my son a great life :)
My due date was originally April 11th, 2011 (a day after my birthday!!) but he came early. On March 26th, 2011 my beautiful boy was born!! At 37 weeks he was here, and just as perfect than if he had come any later. (I will post my birth story/experience sometime soon). I remembered feeling so huge and scared/excited as hell as my due date approached. I went online and read books and always did a lot of research on what my baby would look like at a certain gestation and what things could happen that could end in tragedy. Yes, I'm a very paranoid person. My whole pregnancy I was terrified of miscarriage, and around the end of my pregnancy, stillbirth. I even tried to lower myself down to come to terms if that would happen. I could tell that sometimes, Eddie just wanted to smack some sense into me. It wouldn't have worked anyways! Because I'm a natural worrier. In fact, it's what I do best. I wory and I worry and I worry myself sick. I'm the worry warrior. Hahaha...that was lame. Anyways, even when my son was born, I would hold him close and cry because I was so terrified of SIDS. I thought I was going to lose him. I always have. But he keeps proving me wrong by growing bigger and bigger and getting healthier and healthier :) I would also peak into his crib with every noise he made, making sure he wasnt suffocating...even though there was nothing in his crib that would make it possible for him to suffocate...(you can tell I got lots of sleep then, huh??) I'm so paranoid about Maddox. My imagination is evil when it comes to my son. Blah! Forget about it, Alicia! Writing about it is making me think about it haha.
Well, the time when I was supposed to graduate was near the time I was to have Maddox, so my doctor and school counselor wrote me up for home instruction. What is that? Well, it's when you have an injury of some sorts and you have to get your work brought to you by a teacher, and I guess my injury was giving birth...ha. Well anyways, my teacher that had these work meetings with me was Mrs. Elliott. I had always liked her. She signed up to be my home instructor because she was determined to get me to graduate. Even after I slammed a door in her face on accident in 10th grade, then ran away laughing....it's fully how things work out sometimes, huh? Everytime we met, she would give me a bunch of bookwork, have me take a few tests, then I could be on my way. I had Maddox then, and he made things very complicated. One time, I met Mrs. E at the library, which is apparently not a good place to bring a baby, and he cried constantly. I breastfeed, so I had to keep running into the bathroom to feed him so that his screaming didn't bug any true librariers. And then as soon as he was calm I would leave the bathroom, sit down at the table and then he would just start up again. I can not believe the patience Mrs. E had. If I were her I would have gone bonkers. I'm so happy to have had her help me! So I would bring my bookwork home, and procrastinated for such a long time till my work was due either the next day, or that day. So I had to sit down, prop the baby up with a bottle, and thoroughly scribble down my work as quick as I could. I'm pretty proud I got all that work done the way I did...it truly was hard. But that was my own darn fault for waiting so long to get it done! But I did it :) and I'm so proud. Because I WILL get into a college and earn my degree to make the money that will give my son a great life :)