Letting Go

Lost in a forest of hunter-green walls and wood paneling, a blonde lounges against the plush cushions of the center sofa. Her legs are crossed primly at the knee, but her shoulders relax in a casual slump as brown, doe-like eyes narrow in on a page in the latest issue of Cosmo sprawled across her lap.

The waiting area was oddly quiet, though several people occupied the small space. The only sound that could be heard was the soft occasional crinkle of the page turning beneath her thumb. Though the sectioned-off office was brightly lit, little of that light made its way into the reception area, so those Bambi eyes strained to make out the tiny black text.

As she waited patiently for one of the hygienists to call her name, her gaze absentmindedly wandered along the glossy pages, skimming over the various fashion dos and don’ts of the season and in-depth sex tips. Her fingers quickly tucked a dirty blonde strand behind her ear before rushing back down to flip the page.

The following page was the horoscopes section of the magazine, and though Jo wasn’t a big believer in astrology, she always happened to find herself reading the predictions anyway, and her eyes skimmed along the colorful sketches for each sign until they came across her own.

She was a Libra; she was supposed to be balanced and composed, but at that particular moment in her life, things couldn’t have been more out of whack.

The little paragraph beside the cutesy yellow sketch of a balance read:

If you have a chance to pause and wait for things to fall into place, then do so. If you don’t, then follow your heart.

Jo pondered the blurb, a sigh gushing from her lungs. It was always a little eerie when her horoscope somehow seemed to coincide perfectly with her emotions and life, but she tended to brush it off. It was such a broad statement that she couldn’t bring herself to take it seriously, but she couldn’t keep her gaze from drifting to the lion sketched out in orange.

Even though they weren’t together anymore, she still found herself reading over his horoscope like she used to do.

If no one steps up, then it’s best to just let it go.

It was for the best, but she couldn’t bring herself to let him go, especially when her apartment was filled with souvenirs of their relationship. The worn hockey jersey, his scent still clinging to the fibers, the ticket stub from their first date, a photograph of them that she kept meaning to put away, his muscular arm slung across her shoulder as she beamed in bliss. All served as constant reminders of their time together, both the highlights and the hard times.

At his best, Kendall was golden, the anxiety and hope of New Year’s Eve intertwined with the sparks and balmy heat of July the fourth. A mane of dirty blonde hair hung in his jade eyes, the golden strands taking on a fiery hue beneath the glow of the summer sun. Despite his gorgeous exterior, what had attracted Jo to him had been the way that he carried himself. Confidence seemed to exude from the boy’s every pore, and there was this glitter in those green eyes that Jo found indescribable. It was just a simple look that spoke volumes about his character, about his optimism. He had a sort of regality about him that drew Jo in like a moth to a flickering flame.

In the beginning, things were perfect between them, and Kendall was slowly revealing himself to be everything she’d ever wanted in a boyfriend, but time had its own way of changing people.

A wistful smile played across her lips as she remembered those long summer nights spent sprawled out beneath the stars, discovering one another. The two felt as infinite as the galaxies and light years that stretched out above them. Although time seemed to stand still for them, in reality, the clock was ticking, and Jo found herself repeatedly grounded for staying out past her curfew. Even on those grueling nights when she was forced to stay cooped up in the apartment, Kendall was still there for her, sitting beneath her balcony, strumming her lullabies on his guitar.

It was then that Jo realized she missed him, felt that lonesome tug on her heart and the sinking feeling in her gut that she’d ignored for so long, ignored it because there was nothing she could do about it. She missed the person Kendall used to be, and there was no way she could ever bring him back.

That blinding confidence that she had become enamored by had slowly evolved into arrogance and jealousy. The process was so gradual that Jo failed to realize it until the night that it all blew up in her face, those green eyes boring into hers as he held her against the wall of their bedroom. His strong arms gripped the peach-toned flesh of her upper arm like a steel cage, his voice sharp as it carved words into her. Her eyes remained squeezed closed because she didn’t want to see him like this, didn’t want his expression embedded in her thoughts.

Jealousy bred control, and the combination molded the boy she loved into a monster.

Even now, she didn’t like to think of him in that light, preferred to preserve him in her memory as the face in that photograph, the musky cologne on the neck of the jersey. Others would probably consider her behavior unhealthy, but it was the only way she could truly let him go, to believe that he was dead. Because in a way, the boy she’d loved with every muscle in her body had passed on.

The next morning, while he was away at work, Jo gathered up her things and left. It was one of the hardest things she’d had to do in her twenty-two years on the planet, and for months she’d felt empty, a black hole engulfing her from the inside out.

She was just at the point where it didn’t hurt so much when he made his way into her thoughts. She was just beginning to feel whole again.

“Josephine Taylor?” A brunette in lime-colored scrubs poked her head through the French doors that led back into the offices, blue eyes scanning the group in the waiting area for a reaction.

Jo took a deep breath and closed the magazine before walking away. It was time for her to truly follow her heart.