In All This Chaos

School. How I loathe that place. You would think that with only two weeks left everything would be pretty chill and nothing was really happening. Wrong. Finals are in the air and teachers are trying to cram the year’s curriculum into this small amount of time before the “big day” when all of us students realize that we never actually learned shit this year.

For some people, high school is the best time of their lives, while for other’s it’s the worst. For me, though, it’s a bittersweet reconciliation of the two. Academic wise, well – to put it simply, my grades are shit. I’m passing, but barely. On the upside, though, I have the greatest friends in the world, and almost everything I’ve ever wanted at this point in my life. I’m a party girl, obviously, and so are my friends; which are a lively and crazy-ass group of guys. We – John O’Callaghan, Max Sission, Tim Kirch, Jared Monaco, Eric Halvorsen, and I get ourselves into some crazy shit all the freaking time. Sometimes I don’t even know how we did it, other than that we seemed to get ourselves into some kind of pickle.

I live a life of luxury since both of my parents are lawyers – my mother Business Law and my father Entertainment Law. But they’re divorced, which means they both would rather spend more time at work than home, which means more money, and thus more alone time for myself. I don’t really mind though, because my boys are basically my family and all that I really need in life thus far.

As I waited for John to finish up whatever he was doing in the bathroom, I checked myself out in the mirror, just to make sure I didn’t look that hideous and hung over from the previous night.

I’m a thin girl – skinny, but an athletic skinny (though I don’t play volleyball or lacrosse anymore). My hair is nearly straight thanks to a John’s hair straightener, and its color – well let’s just say I don’t know what true color it is because I’ve been dying it for years on end, but right now it is a sun kissed dirty blonde color. My green eyes were staring back at me, taking in my outfit – short shorts and John’s oversized tee. I didn’t have any makeup on and that worried me a bit; I’m always wearing makeup, unless I’m just hanging out at home, and John doesn’t have any that I could borrow – at least that I know of.

“Bay, you ready?” John asked me with a small smirk on his face as he noticed me doing twists and turns and touch ups in front of his mirror.

“What are you staring at, Cornelius?” I sneered at him, calling him by his middle name.

“Nothing, Amiela,” he replied, mocking me as he went over to his dresser to grab the car keys. “Now let’s get out of here so your highness isn’t late for school.”

“Maybe if you were nicer to me I’d actually want to stay cooped up in your room with you,” I told him as we descended the staircase.

“Don’t lie to him, Bay, we both know you wouldn’t want to sleep with that gross thing,” Ross, John’s younger brother, jumped in as he followed us towards the doorway.

“You’re right, Ro, I wish I could have fallen asleep in your bed last night. Damn that alcohol and the persistence of Cattivo Cornelius.”

John has two younger brothers; Ross, who is a little freshman, and Shane who’s in middle school. John O’Callaghan himself is practically my best friend. We’ve been close ever since that dark time in sixth grade when my parents were finalizing their divorce, and I was spiraling out of control. I stopped eating, occasionally started cutting, and got involved with sophomore at the time, Gavin Connolly, the school’s well known “bad boy” and drug dealer.

I remember that day John confronted me vividly.

I’ve known Gavin for little over a month, and since our meeting him, his older brother Rex, and I would go somewhere secluded, have some beer and smoke a joint each. To us, everything was a party, since that’s the way the boys portrayed it. No matter where we were, or who we were with – whether it be us three or some of their other friends, there was music, dancing, booze, and various other substances.

Gavin was only four years older than me, and although it wasn’t official, I’d still consider him my first boyfriend, unfortunately. I met him one evening when I was walking through the park after one of my parent’s notorious fights over the property and other such things that only mattered in a materialistic world. I was rocking back and forth on one of the swings when he came over and asked if he could sit on the other swing with me. I simply replied, “yes”. Gavin wasn’t the tallest of boys, but he was taller than my 5’2” frame, he had nearly black, side-swiped long hair, and enchantingly blue eyes that were the first feature you’d notice on him, firstly for their color, and secondly if they were red from smoking the joint. He started talking to me and invited me to hang out with his group of friends on the other side of the park. It was from that moment that I started hanging out with the Connolly brothers in that secluded area of the park. And it was also from that moment that I started to fall for Gavin.

That day I officially met John was four days after Rex got arrested for possession of many illegal things and sent to jail. Luckily for Gavin and me, we were not convicted or caught that night. But unfortunately for Rex, we were the two he was waiting on that night in the park when someone tipped off the cops and they arrested him. If we were there twenty minutes earlier, instead of making out in Gavin’s room, I – I don’t know where I’d be right now.

That day I met John was also the day I caught Gavin kissing some girl named Kristen up against the side of the school. He saw me standing there – I know he saw me because our eyes locked together for a moment, but he never stopped kissing that girl. I ran away with my heart shattering with every step I took.

I ended up sitting on the concrete wall outside the Middle School side of the property, just softly crying to myself as I waited for the after school buses to arrive, since it was evident I wasn’t going to Gavin’s house like I usually would.

It was then that this small, lanky, odd looking kid with a small mouth and large braces came over to talk to me.

“Are you okay?” he asked a little timidly.

I whipped my eyes and looked at him with a forced smile, “Yeah.”

The little boy hopped up onto the wall and took a seat next to me. “You don’t look okay,” he said.

“I’m fine, really,” I choked out.

“I’m John O’Callaghan,” he introduced himself, sticking his hand out for me to shake.

I shook his hand and did the same, “Bay Carnegie.”

“Well, Bay Carnegie, what’s got you all upset?”

“I – I saw my…” I had to think of what to call Gavin because we had such an unorthodox relationship, “my boyfriend kissing another girl,” I confessed, throwing my hands up to my face to cover my eyes from the water works which were spilling out.

“Don’t cry,” he told me as he patted my back. “I’m sure he wasn’t worth it.”

I remember him leaning over and removing my hands from my face, and when he grabbed my wrists, I remember him looking shocked when he felt the faint cuts and was confirmed that they were there when he saw and inspected them.

“Why – why do you do it?” he asked quietly, like this was some sacred secret that no one was allowed to overhear.

I told him my sixth grade sob story. I told him about my parents. And I told him about Gavin and Rex. And all John did was sit on that wall, listen, and tell me everything was going to be okay. And he made me feel better. He made me smile and at that moment I really needed that – I needed someone like John and he was there; my lanky angel.

When his mother came to pick him up he asked if I wanted to go over and hang out, and I did. I hung out with John and his brothers and his odd but wonderful parents. They didn’t have most of the luxuries that I had at home, but they did have love and a strong sense of family. And from that moment on I considered myself and was considered by the O’Callaghan’s, as a member of their family. And from that moment on, John and I were nearly inseparable.

To say John saved me from myself would be a valid statement. But with him saving me, it was given that he’d pick up some of my bad habits, because they would have died hard. And like his father, John has a taste bud for alcohol.