So Much for Living Forever

The room was spinning quickly. The Jack was burning my throat with every drink. My lungs were full of cigarette smoke. This was a party. This was my everyday life.

My best friends and I always went out for drinks, every night after the show. That’s what you did when you were famous; you went to bars, got shitfaced, did drugs, and fucked as many girls as you could without going completely dry. This was Rock & Roll.

“Danny,” my friend, Ben, said as he walked over to me. It came out more as “Dannerrayy”.

“Hmm?” I asked, smiling like crazy.

“I’m goin’ home with this bird, yeah? Jus’ don’ worry ‘bout me,” I smiled as he grabbed the big-titted blonde behind him by the arm and dragged her from the bar. They were already sucking face before they hit the doors.

“Danny?” I looked around for the person calling my name. It couldn’t have been one of my friends. It was too sober sounding. I checked anyway. Sam was over by the bar, talking up to some brunette. James was in the corner with his girlfriend (who the fuck brings their girlfriend to the bar with them?) and Cameron was following some girl to the bathrooms. I didn’t know anyone else here.

“Daniel!” The voice sounded stern and angry. I was confused. Nobody really called me Daniel.

“It’s Danny!” I yelled back to the unknown voice. A few people around me looked at me like I was mental, but they were probably right. I was hearing voices. It was crowded and noisy. There’s no way in hell someone that sober was here and calling my name.

It then occurred to me what it was.

She’s back. Fucking hell, she’s back. She’s found me,

I scrambled to find my way to the bar, hoping a few more shots of tequila would help her get away. I needed her gone.

I took down the shots quickly. It burned a bit, but I was definitely used to it by this time.

“I don’t understand what you’re doing,”

She was still fucking there.

Suddenly, the whole room felt very crowded. I felt more claustrophobic than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I needed to get out of that bar. I needed to get fresh air. Maybe that was what I needed. Yeah. Fresh air.

I ran out of the bar and started walking. The air was cool and crisp – it was almost sickening. It smelled very musky. The sky was dark and the moon was shining. It was a lovely night. It was not, however, a lovely night to be in the middle of this.

”I’m glad you left, Danny,”

Again, with the fucking voice. She needed to leave. She needed to find someone else to bother with her annoying, scraggily voice.

”Talk to me, Danny, please,”

“Fuck off, you wanky bitch!” I screamed into the air. There was no one around me. Everyone was asleep, like normal people should be at this time of night. I wasn’t, though. I was being followed by something deeper than myself. Someone I once loved.

”Danny, you have to speak to me,”

“Go away, go away, go away, go the fuck away!” I screamed back.

”Danny…

I really wish she’d stop saying my name.

Suddenly, I felt my knees turn to jelly and something shove me from behind. I was on the sidewalk in a matter of seconds. I coughed , trying to get air back into my lungs.

”It’s those cigarettes you smoke all day,” She said.

”You cunt! Leave me the fuck alone!”

”’Til death do us part, Danny.”

“You’re fucking dead! Why don’t you fucking part now?” I was talking to a dead woman. A ghost. I was talking to a fucking ghost.

“Danny?” I heard my name again (which I was getting tired of) and I was about to yell out again. I realized this time it wasn’t her. It was an actual, living person. “What the fuck are you doing on the sidewalk, you dickhead? Get the fuck up!” I looked up to see Ben standing above me, his hand held out in front of him to help me up. I grabbed onto it and lifted myself from the sidewalk.

“Wheres y-your bird?”

“Passed out in my car,” he said, lighting up a cigarette. “I’m starting to sober up anyway and once I got a good look at her, I decided to just leave here there,” his voice was clearer than before and he didn’t move as badly. “Are you okay, man?”

”You’re a sick, sick man…”

“Ben, she’s after me. She’s fucking after me,” He paused, his cigarette hanging loosely from his lips.

“Who’s after you?”

“Rebecca,” I hissed, almost whispering it like she wouldn’t hear me.

“Danny, Rebecca’s been dead for almost three months. Are you trying to tell me she’s jumped up from her grave and chased you down?” He was looking at me like I was mental.

“I can hear her, Ben. I hear her, speaking to me. She’s been following me since April. She’s in my head.” He laughed.

“Let’s get you home, mate. You’re too drunk to even function properly,”

“I’m not making it u—“

“Let’s go.” He started pulling me down the sidewalk. “Sober up a bit, man. You’ll be okay,”

“Danny, if you sober up, I’ll be gone.”

"Good you wanky fucking cunt!” I yelled out.

“Hey, hey, hey, Danny. Let’s refrain from screaming out and waking every fucking person out here, yeah?” I looked over at my best friend and nodded.

“Don’t you dare fucking sober up, Danny. Don’t you do it,”

“Fucking stop it! Stop it! I can’t do this! You fucking whore! Stop!” I yelled louder and louder and I completely stopped walking. I didn’t need this. My head was throbbing and my chest was in flames.

“Danny,” Ben wasn’t yelling and he wasn’t stern at all. “Danny, you really need help. You can’t keep doing this, mate. I can’t keep fucking seeing you like this.” I thought he was going to cry. Ben didn’t cry. Ever.

“Help me, Ben. I’m begging you. Get her out of here,” I said, clutching onto his shirt.

“Let’s go home, Danny,”

”Remember, Danny, ‘til death do we part,” I was done with her fucking voice. I was finished.

I started walking again, slowly behind Ben.

“I hope to god I live forever, then.”