Heartless

Jace had slept over that night, against Mom's wishes, but I managed to convince her. (The conversation went something like, “You're gay Will. No boys.” “But Mom, I swear to God, Jace is about as straight as it gets.” and so on)

“So, Willow...”

“No Jace. Whatever you're about to say- no.”

“You don't even know what it is!”

“Which makes me that much more sure that I will say no.”

He rolled his eyes and sat on his bed, pulling his shirt over his head as I looked down at my feet. “Fine then, I won't take you out to breakfast.” he sighed, smiling at me quickly before turning over so his back was facing me, causing me to glare. “Jace,” I mumbled, “I hate you.”

“Love you too Will.” he replied. I shook my head, taking my glasses off and setting them on the table before turning off my lamp and laying down to go to sleep.

I vaguely remember dreaming that night. It wasn't unpleasant, but it was rather odd. There was a Llama (courtesy of Jace's story, I'm sure) and a field. Except the Llama talked, and sounded a hell of a lot like Jace.

“Oh. Hey Will. Welcome to your subconscious.” it sighed, chewing on some grass. I stared back for a minute before shrugging and sitting beside it, figuring it was only a dream, so no harm would come out of talking to my 'mental Llama'.

“So. How's it going?” it asked. I sighed, leaning forward. “It's okay, I guess. Well, as okay as it gets for a gay Albino.” I mumbled. It nodded, snapping at a butterfly as it landed on it's nose. “I see. Interesting.” it murmured. I frowned. “I... Suppose...” I looked down at the grass beneath me, pulling at a few strands of grass before a hand on my shoulder made me jump, bringing my head up to see...

Jace.

Wait... The Hell?

“You probably shouldn't do that. I'm pretty sure that grass represents your brain cells.” he said, making me glance down before looking back at him and tilting my head. He smiled slightly. “Yeah, I guess I'm what you'd call your 'mental Jace'. It is your dream after all.”

“... If it's my dream then you'd be wearing a shirt.”

Mental-Jace looked down at himself, seeming to notice that he was, indeed, shirtless, before shrugging. “Will, if you had your way I'd be naked.”

“Like Hell you would. I've never even seen you naked, so how am I even supposed to imagine that?”

“Oh that is the biggest lie I have ever heard.”

I frowned. “But I've never seen...” Jace held up a hand to stop me, raising an eyebrow. “Lie.”

“... That one time, three years ago, through a foggy glass shower door. Doesn't really count.” I mumbled. He chuckled, shrugging slightly. “I guess not then. But still, you have seen me... Well, Jace, naked. Or damn close to it.”

I sighed, looking up at the Mental Sky (which was a very dull gray color) and listening to Mental-Jace hum. “It sort of represents your mood I think.” he mumbled. I looked back down at him and glared. “You sound too smart.” I said. He smiled sadly, reaching out to lightly rub my cheek. “Because I'm not Jace, Will. I'm just a figment of your imagination, shaped into your current infatuation.”

“Well, this is sort of torture, so when the Hell am I waking up?” I asked in a strained voice, looking away as Mental-Jace leaned forward slightly. “Actually you're going to wake up in a minute.” he said, lightly kissing my cheek before everything turned black.

I waited a few minutes before slowly opening my eyes, only to meet the sight of a shirtless Jace, yet again... Except this one was crawling into my bed.

“... Jace?”

Jace froze, looking over at me with a sheepish expression. “Oh... Eheh... Hey Will...”

“... What're you doing?”

Jace sighed and sat on the end of the bed, shrugging slightly. “I had a nightmare again, and didn't want to wake you up, so I just thought that... this would be a... better idea...” he murmured. I thought it over for a second, sitting up as well and yawning.

“You had a nightmare? Must've been kind of quiet then.” I replied. He shook his head, frowning. “No. Actually I screamed. Woke your Mom up I think.”

I nodded slightly before moving over, closer to the wall, and grabbing Jace's arm, pulling him up beside me. He laid down slowly, getting under the covers before moving closer to me and wrapping his arm around my waist. “Sorry I stayed asleep.” I mumbled, leaning forward to touch his forehead to mine.

“It's fine. Besides, coming out to our school is hard work. I'm sure you're exhausted.” he smiled slightly, rubbing my back slowly before yawning and closing his eyes. I stared back for a minute, thinking back to Mental-Jace and how touchy he was, granted he was only in my imagination, but still.

I slowly reached up and touched Jace's cheek, slowly stroking with my thumb as he leaned into it and I smiled.

In all honesty, I wasn't quite sure what was going through my head at the moment when I did what I do next.

I leaned forward more, so there was barely an inch of space between our faces. Jace's eyes were still closed, and I had only planned for it to be a tiny less-than-a-second peck, but somewhere, something got a little mixed up.

I lightly pressed my lips to his, ready to pull back as soon as they touched, but I didn't. I stayed right there, kissing Jace for God only knows how long before I felt a hand on the back of my head, keeping me from pulling away if I wanted to. At that moment I started to panic slightly, thinking that Jace might've been asleep and was imagining someone else in a dream or something. But no, Jace was apparently fully aware of who he was kissing.

That or he was dreaming of me kissing him. Either way, he knew it was me.

He put more force into the kiss, rubbing the back of my head and digging his fingers into my scalp. My eyes slide shut, bringing my arm down to Jace's shoulder and neck. I felt myself being pushed onto my back as my eyes opened again and I pulled away, frowning slightly. “Jace... What-”

“Will... You talk way too much.” He murmured, leaning back down when he suddenly froze, making me freeze as well. His eyes widened and he sat up, looking anywhere but myself before standing up and leaving my bedroom.

I sighed, sitting up and running a hand over my face.

“Fuck...”

When I went into the living room the next morning, Jace was gone. Mom was awake, saying he left early because he had a few things to do, but she had somehow managed to convince him to come back later.

“He did seem to be in quite a hurry. Wonder why.” Mom sighed before starting to hum as I leaned against the counter next to her, hanging my head. I felt her put a hand to my face before she hummed in a more serious way. “Will, you don't look too good. Are you okay?” she asked. I nodded, regretting it as the room spun. “Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine, I just forgot my pills this morning. I'll be right back.” I murmured, smiling at her quickly before going back to my room, shutting the door behind me and leaning against it.

The room started spinning more, making it hard to maneuver myself over to my dresser where my medication was kept. I managed to get them into my mouth and stood there for about fifteen minutes before the room stopped moving and I felt better again, sighing as I went back into the kitchen to find Mom.

And Jace.

“Oh, Will, Jace is back. He's offered to make dinner, but apparently it'll take all day. Some slow cooker thing. But I have a few things to do today, so I'll be back, alright?” Mom smiled, patting my cheek before leaving the house. I listened to her car start and leave the driveway before walking over to Jace, who was cutting something up. “So...” I began, then frowned at myself for not thinking of something-anything-more creative.

Jace continued cutting though, seeming to be oblivious to my appearance. I wondered if he hadn't seen me, so I cleared my throat and tried again. “Morning Jace.”

Still nothing.

I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest when he stepped around me to get to the cabinet, getting down a few spices before going back over to the cutting board. The son of a bitch was actually ignoring me.

After that realization I felt a little hurt. Sure, kissing him was a really stupid idea on my part, but in my defense, he did kiss back rather enthusiastically. But ignoring me like a petulant child was not going to help anyone.

“Look, Jace, are you really going to ignore me all day?” I asked. I didn't expect a response, though when he started humming to tune me out I shook my head. “Fine. Whatever. We'll just forget this ever happened.”

He hummed even louder.

I frowned, noticing a prickling feeling around my eyes and looking down at my feet. “Or you can ignore me for the rest of your life, fine, but you could at least tell me why you're so pissed off at me.”

The humming stopped, making me look up to see that Jace was staring out the window above the counter, sighing and shaking his head. “Why do you think, Willow?” he whispered.

“Because I kissed you? That's why you're so pissed off?” I asked incredulously, wincing when his stare turned into a harsh glare and he rolls his eyes.

“I'm not pissed at you for kissing me... I'm pissed off because I didn't exactly dislike it.”