Forever & Always.

The Irish academic was coming to a close in two days and I was more excited than usual for it. The mere idea of seeing my aunt Toni again made me ecstatic. It had been far too long.
The only thing that scared or worried me was having to tell the rest of the MCR boys who I really was. I knew it was unavoidable and I’d have to do it eventually, but I was anxious of their reactions. Would they hate me for not telling them immediately? Would they forgive me?
The front door opened and I wiped my sudsy hands off on a dishtowel, stepping away from the sink that was full of dishes. I forced a smile onto my face before turning to greet my fiancé as he entered the kitchen, a thunderous look on his face.

“Hey,” I walked over to place a small kiss of greeting on the corner of his mouth. “Dinner’s in the oven. It’ll be ready in about five.”

He shrugged my arms from off of his shoulders and made his way over to the fridge, “Whatever.”

I watched in silence as he grabbed the last bottle of Miller from the bottom shelf, muttering something about how I couldn’t even ensure that there was enough beer in the house for him. He popped the lid off using the edge of the countertop, telling me to call him in when dinner was ready.
Lately it had been getting harder and harder to remember why I had agreed to marry Aiden. The man I now lived with was not the same guy I had once dated as a teen. Or the one I looked after when he lost his girlfriend when we were seventeen. This new Aiden was cruel and heartless. He scared me and I was kind of glad that I was escaping to Jersey, even if it was only for a little while.

I had yet to book my flight though, due to the travel agency being closed when Frank and I had gone into Dublin. So he had assured me that he would arrange it all through Brian, who was still My Chemical Romance’s manager even after all these years.

The timer on the oven went off and I knew that dinner was done. I called Aiden in as I dished up chicken casserole for him and vegetarian lasagne for me. Chicken casserole was his favourite and I hoped it would put him in a better mood.

“You made chicken casserole?” He asked as he took his seat at out small kitchen table, “That must’ve taken you forev-” He eyed me suspiciously, “What do you want?”

I stared at him wide-eyed, shocked that he’d think that I was trying to wrangle something from him – even if it kind of what was I was attempting to do, “Nothing babe. I just wanted to make you something nice. You’ve been working so hard.”

There was silence as he lifted a forkful of rice and casserole to his lips and ate it. I watched as he chewed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, and his eyes focused solely on my face making me feel slightly uncomfortable.

“So,” He began once he had swallowed and taken a sip from the glass of water I had placed by his plate. “What is it Ciara? Just spit it out already.”

I dug my fork into a piece of lasagne but didn’t lift it to my mouth, just began pushing it around my plate. “Well…y’know the way the school summer holidays are coming up?”

“Mhmm…?”

“And that means I’m not gonna have a lot of work coming my way. So, I was thinking of, maybe, going to visit my aunt Toni in New Jersey,” I focused my eyes on my plate and the piece of food I was still pushing about. “I haven’t seen her in so long, y’know?”

Clang . His fork dropped to the plate and I heard a screech as he pushed his chair back from the table and footsteps headed towards the door. I listened as the front door slammed and the car was started up and backed down the drive. Not even a goodbye. Aidan really had changed so much.



The clock above the fireplace read 11:13pm and there was still no sign of my fiancé. I hadn’t heard from him since he had stormed out earlier and I was beginning to worry.
Criminal Minds was playing on the T.V. screen and, despite it being my favourite show, I couldn’t concentrate on it. My mind kept drifting back to Aiden and his apparent anger at my desire to return to Jersey. I was exhausted and I cuddled up under my blanket on the armchair, my drooping eyes focused on the door that led to the hallway – determined to stay awake until Aiden returned.



A loud sound alerted me and brought me out of my half-dozing state. I rubbed sleep from my tired eyes and glance up at the clock – 2:37am. ‘So much for not sleeping.’

The noise occurred again and it sounded very like a key scratching in a lock followed by someone trying to force the door open. I got to my feet and headed into the hallway to investigate. As I approached the front door the noises became louder and from the other side I could hear a familiar voice muttering obscenities as their key refused to turn in the stubborn lock.

Sighing, I undid the lock and pulled open the door only to be met by my obviously drunk fiancé. His face was red and blotchy, and his eyes bloodshot. As he groaned I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

“Hey slut,” He greeted me in a rough, angry voice. “What are you doing up so late?”

“Waiting up for you,” I rolled my eyes and turned to walk away from him and go up to bed. “But I don’t really know why I bothered.”

I had my foot on the bottom step of the staircase that led to the upstairs of our house when I felt his hand grip my wrist. He tugged me, making me stumble from the step and turn to face him. His stubble covered chin was so close that I could practically differentiate the various different drinks on his alcohol laced breath.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, walking away from me like that?” He screamed, spittle flying from his mouth and landing on my cheek. “Huh?”

I tried to pull out of his grasp, but he was far too strong, “You’re drunk Aid, can’t we talk in the morning? When you’re sober ?”

His hand tightened on my wrist as he flung me into the wall, my back hitting it full force. “Don’t fucking talk to me like that!”

‘He’s drunk. He doesn’t mean any of it. He loves me. He loves me.’

My heart was pounding and my legs felt like jelly, making me shake. I was so scared. Aiden loved me, he shouldn’t be hurting me.

“I know the real reason you want to go back to The States. You want to go back to your stupid, gay Gerard! Don’t you get it yet, baby? He doesn’t fucking want you!” He sneered, his upper lip curling, showing me his off-white teeth. “He didn’t want you when you were seventeen and he’s definitely not going to want you at twenty-four!”

“I’m not going back for him !” I protested angrily. It wasn’t really a lie, I wasn’t going back because of Gerard. Then again, what I said earlier, that I was going back solely to visit Toni was also a lie. “I just miss Jersey and want to go back for a visit, okay?”

“Liar!” He spat and threw my hand from his grasp. I watched as he clenched his right hand into a fist by his side. “Why can’t you get it into that thick skull of yours that he left you? He could’ve stayed. Could’ve brought you with him.” His eyes met mine and those chocolate brown orbs seemed to be laughing at me. “But he didn’t. He left you in that stupid town while he toured around the country. He didn’t really love you.”

His words, although they were ones I had told myself before, cut me to my core. I knew Gerard hadn’t loved me, I’d accepted that not long after I’d moved back to Ireland. But, I didn’t need Aiden reminding me. I didn’t need him reopening those scars.

“What about Rachel, Aiden?” I asked him in a surprisingly calm voice, “She chose to leave you too, didn’t she? What makes you think she ever loved you?”

As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them. They were cruel and hurtful, and I was angry and I was incapable of thinking properly.

Aiden raised his right hand that was still clenched into a fist and he brought it down to meet my ribs with such force that I was knocked to the ground. My breaths came in panicked gasps and they stopped completely for a moment when I saw my fiancé raise his hand once more.

“Have I not treated you good enough Ciara?” He asked me, his voice so gentle that it didn’t fit with the scene – me cowering on the floor and him standing above me with a raised fist. “Have I not looked after you?”

I exhaled loudly and nodded, “Yes Aid, you’ve been real good to me.”

“I buy you nice things, despite us not having a lot of money. And, I get you tickets to see and meet that band you like, My Chemical Whatsit.”

I nodded again, too scared to talk. I was eternally grateful to whatever God is up there for not making Aiden see the connection between MCR and the Jersey band I used to talk to him about.

“Am I not good enough for you?” He asked, looking down at me as I cowered beside the radiator.

“N…no. You-you’re t-too good for me Ai-Aid,” I stuttered out through my fear.

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” The anger was back in his voice, his eyes sparking with rage. “I hate liars!” His fist collided with my stomach and then my ribs once again, “I hate liars like you!”

He hit me so many times that I actually lost count. By the time he was done though, I could feel my legs, stomach and ribs already beginning to bruise. It hurt to breathe and my legs shook as I gripped the wall in order to pull me to my feet.
The door was still open from Aiden’s departure and I hurried to close it, having no desire for our nosey neighbours to see me in my current pathetic state.
With the done I decided to head up to bed, making a stop at the bathroom on the way. My body was aching so badly that I knew there was no way I could sleep unaided so I grabbed the all too familiar blue bottle of sleeping pills from the back of the medicine cabinet. Knowing one wouldn’t be enough, I downed two with a glass of water. I looked at myself in the mirror, barely recognising my own reflection. My long brown hair hung limply either side of my face and I looked as pale as a vampire. I was thankful that Aiden had left my face unharmed, though I guessed it had been done intentionally. Aiden hated people nosing into our business as much as I did and if I had marks on my face then people would definitely start asking questions. Even when he was drunk he knew that. I sighed and shook my head before leaving the room and heading to bed.

The sheets smelled of Aiden, the real Aiden, not the alcoholic mess he had become. It was a comforting smell. I snuggled deep into the pillows and blankets, inhaling deeply.

I couldn’t help but think of Aiden’s parting lines, “I’m the best you can do Ciara. In fact, I’m too good for you.”

Maybe he was right. Maybe I did deserve the blows he delivered. I wasn’t good enough for him. I’d just have to try harder to be the fiancée he deserved. I’d make sure I made myself good enough for him.