Forever & Always.

I gripped my suitcase tightly in one hand as I wove through the crowds of early morning flyers all about Dublin airport. My eyes scanned the hordes of people, searching for those familiar green-hazel eyes that were so distinctive. He wasn’t here. There was no sign of him in the hundreds of people milling through Ireland's main airport.

“Looking for me?”

A smile spread across my face and I turned to face the familiar short guitarist that I had missed dearly this past week. He had a cheeky smirk spread across his face and his eyes were alight with excitement. He opened his arms and I gladly fell into his familiar embrace.

“Hey Frankie,” I mumbled against his shoulder ignoring the glares we were getting from people as they had to avoid us in order to get to their required check-in desk. “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too C,” He murmured while he held me tight.

I was the one to pull away first a giddy smile still on my face, “C’mon, we’ve gotta check in.”

We made our way to the check-in queue that seemed like it stretched as far as eternity. I hate how, no matter what time of the day your flight is at, there is always a huge queue when you’re waiting to check-in. It is one of the most annoying things in the world. I sighed and tapped my foot against the floor just for something to occupy myself as we waited. A woman in front of us turned, glaring down at my foot as if it were doing something to offend her. I responded to her glare with an arched eyebrow, practically daring her to say something to me about my incessant tapping. But she didn’t, just rolled her eyes and turned back around, muttering something to her husband about ‘the youth of today’ . Frankie stood beside me, a hand held up to his mouth as he tried to stifle his giggles

The queue continued to move slowly and even tapping my foot to annoy the woman in front of me began to bore me so I started a conversation with Frank realising we had a week of things to catch up on. He told me that the other guys were already on their way home, they had gotten a direct flight to Newark from London. Frank’s cover story was that Brian had forgotten to book him a ticket on the London flight and so he had to get one from Ireland. It wasn’t the greatest but he knew the guys would be too tired from all the interviews and travelling to really question it and later on they’d understand anyway.

“How about you, C?” Frank looked me straight in the eye as we moved forward another place in the line, now next to be served. “Everything okay with you?”

I nodded, a forced smile on my lips and my eyes trained straight ahead, “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

Out my peripheral vision I could see him furrow his brow and watch me, not believing my pathetic attempt at lying. I didn’t really blame him; I was terrible when it came to lying.
The short guitarist opened his mouth but before he could speak the snooty woman behind the desk nearest called us up to be served. Frank just sighed and made his way over to her and I followed close behind.



I pushed the unappetising salad around my plate as I waited for Frank to finish his pasta dish. We wouldn’t get to eat for about another seven hours as neither of us could stomach the food served on airplanes, but I couldn’t make myself eat the limp salad in front of me. My mind was not on food but far away as I thought of how much things had changed in the past few weeks. If, two months ago, you had told me that I would find one of my old best friends and rekindle our friendship that resulted in me returning to Jersey for a holiday, I would’ve laughed in your face. It was so surreal, but I was glad it had happened. Having Frank back in my life was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

“C, you ready?” Frank was waving a hand in front of my face as he chuckled at my dazed expression.

I nodded and blinked a few times to clear my mind, “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Together, our hands entwined, we wandered towards our gate, taking the time to look in various shops and pick up anything we may need for the long flight. Flying always makes me nervous, it scares me, and my stomach was currently twisted into some contorted shape within my body. At this point all I wanted was to finally get to Jersey so all I’d have to worry about was my meeting with the rest of the MCR boys.

Getting down the airplane’s tiny aisle to mine and Frank’s seats proved more difficult than either of us ever anticipated. Every second row or so someone would exclaim at who he was and ask for an autograph, a photo, something . It didn’t bother me… much . I actually liked to see that side of him. When we were younger I’d always wondered how he and the rest of the band would act with their fans, always fearing they’d turn into egotistical asses with no time or respect for those that had made them the famous rock stars they had become.
Frank had time for each and every fan that stopped him, always greeting them with a smile and shrugging off any questions about my identity although he made certain that I was, in fact, not his girlfriend. This satisfied many of the female fans and they went straight back to fawning all over him. In a way this irritated me, I wasn’t Frank’s girlfriend, nor did I want to be, but it annoyed me that these girls were all over him. It’s not like Frank was the type to go off with groupies.

Eventually we made it to our seats and made ourselves comfortable, or as comfortable as is possible on a small plane. My hands began clenching and unclenching around each other as a way of trying to de-stress myself. I closed my eyes tightly as I tried not to think about what the next seven hours would entail. Flying is the scariest thing ever and I tried to avoid thinking about it, even whilst I was in the air.

A message came over the intercom system reminding us all that phones would have to be switched off in the next few minutes as they would be shutting the doors. I dug through my handbag until I found the familiar piece of technology, its screen declaring three new messages and four missed calls. All from Aiden, of course.
I opened the first message, deciding I might as well check it now so there’d be no need once we landed:
C’mon Ciara, you can’t just leave like this. What about the life you’ve made here. You can’t seriously be doing this D: ily. <3 Xx

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. He was right, I couldn’t just do this. I couldn’t just leave my entire life here in Ireland behind. I’d worked too hard just to forget all about it, just because of an old friend. This just wasn’t in my nature.
It took all my willpower to stay in my seat and not go running off of the plane. I couldn’t do that to Frank, couldn’t leave him staring after me as I had a minor mental breakdown. Instead, I handed him my phone and let him read the message for himself.

“You know that’s all bullshit, don’t you?” He asked softly as he turned off my phone for me.

I shook my head and bit my lip harshly, “He’s right. I’m leaving everything behind.”

Frank reached out and took my hand in his. He held it so tightly I could feel his guitar calloused palm rubbing against my own, “It’s not like you’re going away forever C. You’re not giving up your life because you’ll be back in no time. You’re just taking a well-deserved holiday.”

I took a deep breath of recycled airplane air and nodded. He was right, of course he was right. I wasn’t giving up my life in Ireland; I was just taking a short break from it all. Just taking a nice holiday with old friends. I deserved this. Or at least that’s what I tried to convince myself.

“You need to get away from him ,” Frank told me sternly, sounding too mature for my liking. “Look what he’s doing to you. He’s making you doubt your every decision. What ever happened to the Ciara I know?”

Again, Frankie was right. Aiden had made me so scared that I was even afraid to do something against his wishes even when he wasn’t there to stop me. Yeah, I’d had great memories in Ireland – most of my childhood had been happy – but in recent times I had endured more suffering than happiness. I remembered the feel of Aiden’s fist against my body and my ribs ached at the memory. We needed time apart, even if it just was a week or two. I needed to clear my mind and decided what was going to happen to us relationship wise.

The seat belt sign lit up above us and I buckled up before finding Frank’s hand once more, clutching his rough hand in mine as if he were my lifeline. My mind began drifting to the great memories I had of Jersey and the time I spent there as a teen. Those memories made me want to endure this plane ride and return once more to the town I’d always considered home.
I thought of Gerard and all the great memories we had together. All the nights he comforted me and kept me company when I was upset, watching The Hunchback Of Notre Dame instead of spending time with his guests at his eighteenth birthday party, and so many more. Maybe I had been too harsh when I just packed up and left all those years ago. Maybe I should’ve given him the chance to explain himself. But it was too late for all that now. I’d have to live with my regrets.

The roaring of engines brought me back to reality and I clenched my teeth, my eyes shut tightly. Frank continued to hold my hand letting me cling to it as tight as humanly possible as I tried to forget about what I was leaving behind me and focusing on what lay ahead when I arrived in Jersey.