Forever & Always.

As soon as I saw her walk in the room with Frank attached to her hip I knew that the party was going to be torture for me. You’d think that I’d be happy that, after all this time wishing and hoping, the only girl I’d ever loved was back in my life. But I couldn’t allow myself to be happy, all because of that stupid shiny ring on her left hand. A symbol that she belonged to someone else.
I’d always imagined what our reunion would be like; so many sleepless nights were spent creating it on paper with a pencil. We’d meet in some random place: a mall, a restaurant, a show, maybe even the coffee shop that we’d spent so much time in as teens. She’d catch my eye and I’d recognise that distinctive purple hair and those stormy eyes. Without even speaking we’d embrace and all would be okay. I’d have her back in my arms and this time I’d refuse to let her go. We’d be happy together and all that shit that happened when we were teenagers would be forgotten because we’d just be glad we had found each other once more.
But when I’d arrived at Frank’s house the day before and Mikey told me there was something I had to meet I had been let down by our reunion. I had been drinking for about an hour before I’d headed to Frank’s house, but I was still sober enough to recognise her. My heart leapt at the sound of her voice, a sound I was beginning to think I had forgotten. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and kiss her fiercely and I almost did so. But then I saw that gold ring glint in the basement lights. That stupid fuckin’ engagement ring that shows that someone else already has her. That I lost my chance with her all those years ago.

She walked by the wall I was leaning against, Frank still by her side – the two seemed to be attached by the hip nowadays. She was talking with my mother and her face lit up as she laughed at something the older woman said, something embarrassing about me or Mikey probably. Ciara’s brown hair caught in the light and I had to admit she looked well with her natural colour, but I’d always prefer the purple that had made me notice her. The colour had always reflected her bubbly personality.
Her eyes caught mine and the laughter faded from them, like she didn’t know how to react to my staring. It struck me then, that she looked happy, genuinely happy. Maybe she was in love with this guy who gave her the pretty ring and he was the reason she seemed to be glowing from the inside. I wondered she had ever glowed like that when we were together, I couldn’t really recall.
She turned away from my gaze as Mikey came up to say something to her and I also moved my eyes, to face the long table against the wall. The one that my parents had loaded with alcohol for the guests. I smiled a little bitterly and made my way over to grab a bottle of beer. I could feel my mom’s eyes on me as I took a swig. She hated that I drank but was afraid to say anything to me; she was kind of scared to say anything to me anymore. Usually I tried to avoid getting drunk in front of her, scared of disappointing her, but I needed to get my mind off Ciara. It was time to move on, she obviously had already, and I needed to do so too.
The beer left a nasty aftertaste in my mouth but I continued to drink it because I knew that he drunker I got, the easier it would be to pretend that I didn’t care about Ciara anymore. Maybe if I lied to myself enough when I was drunk I’d begin to believe it was true when I was sober.



“Hey Gee,” That familiar angel’s voice spoke from behind me as I struggled to turn the knob on the door that led to the kitchen. Drunken fingers are even worse than butter fingers.

“Whatever,” I mumbled, trying to act indifferent, ignoring my pounding heart and my head that was telling me to ‘ Kiss her. Kiss her .’

She reached around me and turned the metal knob, a small, pitying smile on her lips. She feels bad for me because her life turned out fuckin’ perfect and mine is officially a complete mess. She can’t help but pity you.

“There you go,” She smiled and pushed the door open for me.

“Oh fuck off,” I grunted, a sudden surge of anger coursing through my body. How dare she just turn up after all these years and expect everything to okay. Especially when she had another man’s ring on the finger that should hold the delicate one I had picked out for when we were just teens. “Why don’t you just leave me alone and go back to Ireland? Isn’t that what you do whenever you have a problem, just run away back there?”

Her eyes welled up with tears and my heart broke at the sight, but there was no way I was giving in to them. She needed to know how I felt about her leaving. It had torn me apart. She was the only girl I had ever loved and she had thrown that love back in my face as if it had all meant nothing to me.
That golden ring caught in the lights again and I glared at it. Had she truly forgotten all that we once were? Was she really over me? Did our love mean that little to her?

“You know what…fuck you Gerard!” She screamed, her face going red with anger before she turned and stalked off. Heading towards Frank most probably.

I went on into the kitchen and dug around in the cupboards before I found what I was looking for, a full bottle of Jack Daniels. Fabulous . With that I headed back into the living room, swigging out of the bottle along the way. I was desperate for that numb feeling. That feeling you get when you’re so drunk that you feel invincible, like nothing could ever hurt you. It was only if I reached that stage of intoxication that I would be able to forget the hurt in those beautiful eyes. It was only then that I’d be able to pretend that the sight of her tears didn’t tear me apart from the inside.

It was crazy, but just the sight of her drove me mad. She was like an expensive drug. Once you got one hit you were addicted and I’d been addicted to her from the moment I first lay eyes on her. Hearing her voice made me feel like I did after dropping a few pills at a party, giddy and love drunk. Everything about her had me craving, aching, for more.

I could see her, standing awkwardly with the other guys. She smiled and handed Ray what looked like a sweatshirt and he laughed before hugging her. I glared at him with eyes full of jealousy. I wanted to be the only one hugging her. I wanted to hold her in my arms forever and not have to let go. But that would never happen seeing as she was to be wed to someone else. So I chugged back a large quantity of JD and headed down to my room where I knew I’d find something that’d help me forget all my problems. I’d show Ciara that I was over her just like she was over me, even if I had to fake it.