Forever & Always.

St. Mary's secondary was unlike any other school I had ever worked in. Unlike the other schools, which had all been either private or convent schools, St. Mary's was a community school - much like the school I had attended as a teenager in Ireland. The school, despite having many highly academic students, did not focus solely on exams. They accepted every student, regardless of ability, and I wished my school could have been a bit more like this one. Maybe with a more diverse student body there would have been more acceptance of those who were a little different, like my friends and I had been when we were teens. When we had lost friends and classmates, whether it was due to a car crash, suicide, or even natural causes, we never had a counsellor visit. We were expected to just 'get over it' . I remember being shocked at how callous they were, even back then I knew it was wrong.

There was a knock at the door and I knew it was my first student of the day. I told them to come in and as they entered I noticed it was the boy from the day before, Oisín.

"Hey Oisín," I greeted him with a smile which he timidly returned as he took a seat on the arm hair opposite me.

"H...hi," He whispered, looking down at his converse clad feet.

He was shy, that much was obvious, and so I tried to get him to open up by asking him general questions, his age, where he lived, his favourite colour, anything to put him at ease.
When he had relaxed I got Dow to the real reason we were sitting together.

"So... Why'd you come here to talk to me today?"

His green eyes darted away from my face and focused on his twisting hands that rested in his lap, "Uhm...well y'know Max?"

I nodded, Max Parker was the reason I was in the school. The sixteen year old had committed suicide last week. He had hanged himself at the local park. It was a story that hit close to home for me as I had lost a friend the exact same way.

"Well...Uhm...Max was my best friend," He began crying and I handed him a tissue, letting him get it all out of his system. "I... I...I found him."

My jaw dropped and my heart broke a little as I took in that information. I couldn't imagine having to go through that pain. The Gardaí had found Fergal so, although I'd has nightmares about finding him, I didn't have the actual haunting memory of doing so.

"I...I c-called the ambulance," He stuttered out between sobs. Th...they...t-told me to...cut him down," A howl of pain escaped his lips and, not caring about how unprofessional it was, I took him up in my arms and let him soak my blouse with his tears.

Soon he was all cried out and he pulled away from my embrace, an embarrassed blush shading his cheeks, “Sorry.”

I sat back in my own chair, a soft smile on my lips, "It's okay, don't be ashamed."

He smiled sheepishly, "No-one's really been there to listen to me lately," He brought his eyes up to meet mine. "So, thanks."

I shrugged, waving of his gratitude, "That's what I'm here for."

We moved on to safer topics of conversation after that, discussing movies and music. All the teen sat before needed was someone to talk to. Someone who'd listen and wouldn't judge. I could relate to that, when I had lost my friends all I had wanted was someone to talk to, someone who'd at least pretend to care.

"So what sort of music are you into Ciara?"

"Uhm...I don't really know. My music taste is a bit all over the place. At the moment I love Elvis though," I laughed a little at my obscure choice. "What about you Oisín?"

He shrugged and tore at the tissue he still held in his hands, "I like lots of bands, but I think My Chemical Romance are my favourite."
I couldn't hide the sharp intake of breath as I heard the name I knew oh too well and the brunette boy shot me a Funny look, "You heard of them?"

A smile forced its way onto my face and I nodded, "Yeah...I guess you could say that."

He smiled, "Do you like them?"

I founded myself nodding again and replying, "Yeah, I do."

"They're my favourite band because their music is meaningful, y'know?" His green eyes met mine and became serious, "I never related to their music though. But...their song, Cemetery Drive, that's real important to me... I guess the line about finding someone who has committed suicide just spoke to me or something."

I smiled a little and nodded. I'd forced myself listen to their newest album. It had been hard, listening to his voice, but I had always loved their music and so, I made myself listen to the raw voice that belonged to none other than Gerard Way. When I'd turned on the Wong Oisín had mentioned, Cemetery Drive, I had broken down in tears. I knew who that song was about and knew that it must have killed Gerard to write about his own life, "It's a heartbreaking song."

"I guess it's my favourite at the moment. What's yours?"

I pondered the question for a moment or two, "Early Sunsets over Monroeville is beautiful, it's been my lullaby since I first heard it. But, I do love Demolition Lovers too; the story of Bonny and Clyde has always been oddly romantic to me."

Gerard and I had discussed the duo before, not long before he had left to record and tour. When I finally found the strength to listen to their first album I was shocked to hear the song, amazed that he had remembered our once-off conversation.

"They're off the first album, yeah?" Oisín’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I looked up at him.

"Yeah," I smiled. "But I've been listening to some of their songs since I was a teen."

He cocked an eyebrow, "How?"

I shot him a playful glare, "Hey! I'm not that old!"

He giggled and smiled, mumbling a half-hearted apology.

"But, anyway, I lived in New Jersey for a while when I was a teen, so I was lucky enough to hear the band before they got 'big' ."

Oisín didn't ask any questions about how I got to hear MCR back then, he just accepted it and moved on. For that, I was grateful; I didn't want to have to talk about my old best friend, or the boy who had been my first love.

"Are you going to the MCR gig?" The teen asked me with an envious look in his striking green eyes, as if he already assumed I was going and was jealous.

I actually had considered going to the concert, debated it over and over in my mind. In one way I really wanted to see those five Jersey boys, see the fine men they had no doubt become. But, on the other hand, I was afraid to see them up close. I'd read their interviews and watched them on T.V., I could see what their new lifestyle was doing to them and I was scared to see the effects up close. In the end I didn't have to make a decision, the concert sold out before I had made up my mind.

"No I'm not," I told Oisín and he looked almost relieved. "It sold out too fast, y'know?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I couldn't get tickets wither. I know it's kinda mean, but I'm a little glad you're not going," He smiled sheepishly at me, his eyes glittering through his messy bangs. "Sorry."

I laughed and shook my head, "It's all good, I'd have been the same at your age. Music was the most important thing to me back then... That and friends."

Looking up at the clock to avoid the young man's curious stare I realised our time was up and told him so.

His face dropped a little and he mumbled, "Oh, okay."

He looked so disappointed so I reached out and patted his arm, "I'll see you tomorrow though, yeah?"

His eyes lit up considerably and he nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah I'll be here."

I was worried about the boy who sat before me. He seemed so fragile, so alone. Without realising it, I had pulled out one of the little business cards that held all my contact information.

"Oisín, I want you to take this," I held out the little white card and he took it, a confused look on his face. "It has all my contact details, including my mobile. I only give these out to people k trust so don't go giving this to anyone else."

He nodded, "But why are you giving it to me?"

I shrugged a wry smile on my face, "I guess I just want you to know that there is someone there who'll listen. If anything's wrong just call, day or night - it doesn't matter. I'll always answer." I looked him straight in the eye, "Okay?"

He smiled widely, showing me a set of slightly crooked, but pearly white teeth, "Yeah, thanks."

There was a knock on the door by, who I assumed was, the next student. I shooed Oisín out of the armchair and escorted him to the door. We said our goodbyes and I let him exit before greeting the next student and inviting them into the room with the feeling that it was going to be a long day.



The familiar battered, black car was waiting outside for me at the end of the day. Aidan had text me at about one saying we needed to celebrate and I assumed he has gotten the job in Dublin.

"Congrats," I smiled as I climbed into the car and pecked him on the lips. “I’m so happy for you.”

He smiled, the first genuine smile I’d seen on his lips in months, “Thanks babe.”

We drove through the familiar streets of the town I had once longed to escape. The small town had always made me feel almost claustrophobic, when I’d gone to New Jersey I thought that I’d never return, sadly I was wrong. And now, here I was, in my twenties, still longing to escape. My heart ached in my chest and I wished I could leave.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Aidan put a C.D. in the stereo and soon familiar lyrics filled the car. I almost laughed when I recognised the song playing through the speakers as Godforsaken by Serpico.

“ I gotta, gotta, gotta, get out - of this godforsaken town ,” I sang softly to myself as I stared intently out my window. I am by no means a great singer - despite what my old best friends used to tell me - but I liked to sing along to songs that meant something to me. It was obvious that Aidan remembered this, because he gave me an odd look. I had never told him about my hatred for our hometown and he had no idea how much I longed to escape.
After a moment or two of attempted discrete observation he realised I wasn’t going to tell him why I was singing and he refocused on his driving. I kept my eyes focused on the scenery that was speeding by, avoiding his sly glances and any attempt at conversation.



Aidan held my hand across the table as we ate our meals in a ridiculously overpriced Italian restaurant that we only ever visited on special occasions. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d had such a nice night. We didn’t fight or argue, just ate and enjoyed each other’s company as we discussed my fiancé’s new job.

“It’s great babes,” He enthused as he twirled spaghetti around his fork and brought it to his mouth. “It’s a really important job, I’m so lucky.”

I had to admit, his job was pretty impressive. As the head of security he would have to ensure each artist’s safety whilst they were in the building. He was the most important person when it came to keeping the celebrities safe. I was proud of him. After months of being unemployed he had landed himself an amazing job, one that he loved and was also well paid. And, if I was completely honest, the latter was the best part. It may sound slightly selfish, but I was pretty sick of being the sole income in our household. It was far too stressful.

“And,” Aidan continued after he had swallowed his mouthful of food. I smiled faintly at him, waiting for him to continue. The smile was forced was strained but my dark haired fiancé didn’t even seem to notice and just continued talking, a huge grin on his face. “I was talking to the owner and he said that, as one of the perks of my position, I can get free ticket or meet and greets to any shows of my choice.”

I nodded and pretended to be enthusiastic though I really couldn’t understand why he was so excited about this perk. The likelihood of him every attending a concert voluntarily was very low. Even as a teen Aidan never had as great an interest in music as the rest of our group. The perk wasn’t even of huge appeal to me, if he had gotten this job when we were teens I would have been ecstatic. The Dream Academy had always been the hotspot for rock shows, but now the prospect of free gigs wasn’t as enticing. I guess I’d just grown up without realising it.

“I thought that it’d be great for you,” He beamed and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “You love music so much and we haven’t been able to afford tickets over the past few years. This will be awesome for you.”

He continued to enthuse about how ‘awesome’ this perk was and I let my mind wander. It still amazed me how Aidan could be completely oblivious when it came to me. Yes, money had been tight since we had moved in together but, if I had really wanted to, I could’ve saved up enough money to go to shows. But, as I said before, I had grown up without realising it and music no longer had the same hold over me. There were very few bands that I actually wanted to see perform live.

“So, anyway, I thought we could hit a couple of clubs before we called it a night?” His eyes lit up with excitement and I just couldn’t say no. It had been too long since we had been this content. Everything was working out perfect for once.

“Sure,” I smiled and stood up as he paid the bill, before linking our hands once more. Together, we left the restaurant and my heart felt fit to explode with happiness. Everything was perfect. Finally.