Forever & Always.

I pulled into the parking space out the front of the place I once called home . I couldn’t see the car Aiden and I shared so I assumed he was gone for the evening which made me slightly relieved. This was going to be hard enough without him here. Taking a deep breath, I opened the car door and stepped out of the car. I made my way up the drive and grabbed the spare key from behind the loose brick along the side of the porch. I placed it in the lock and without giving myself any time to re-think or back out I opened the door and walked inside.

The place smelled vile. It was obvious Aiden hadn’t bothered with any house-keeping while I was gone. There was rubbish strewn all across the floor – predominantly empty beer bottles and cans, and take-out wrappers. It was disgusting and I was somewhat shocked that I’d never really noticed the messy part of him before. The walls were also destroyed. Holes had obviously punched in the plasterboard when he had gotten angry. I shuddered at the memory of his fists colliding with my body. It was hard to believe that I’d lived with him so long without noticing these things about him – the messiness and the violent behaviour. I guess what they say is true – love is blind. Well, I wasn’t in love with Aiden, that had become obvious, but I had believed I was in love with him and was therefore oblivious to his faults – at least until recently. When we believe we’re in love it’s like we just refuse to see the others faults, refuse to see all the bad things about them. I guess we all just want the one we love to be perfect, to live up to all our expectations of a perfect relationship.

I cautiously stepped over the rubbish and made my way to the bedroom Aiden and I had once shared. Opening the door I realised that this room, at least, had escaped his wrath. It looked like he hadn’t even entered it since I had left, which I guessed was quite possible. Looking at my watch and realising I had already been in the house for twenty minutes I hurried to my wardrobe, knowing that Aiden could come home at any time. I took out the two suitcases that were stored in the wardrobe and threw them open onto the bed. Then I began grabbing clothes and shoving them into the two cases not really caring about how they’d get wrinkled or anything. After I had packed all my clothes I moved onto other things like my jewellery and trinkets and things.

In only about fifteen minutes I had managed to pack up my life yet again. It was something I was getting pretty good at, packing up everything and making it look like I’d never existed there in the first place. Maybe that’s all I would ever be good at, leaving. Maybe I’d never find somewhere that I could put down roots and be happy; maybe I’d always end up packing up and leaving again. Maybe Gee was right when he said that all I did was run away.
I lugged the cases down the stairs and was about to head out to the car when I heard another car pull up. I froze. My heart pounded loudly and my mouth went dry. He couldn’t be back already, not when I was so close to getting out of there once and for all. I searched in vain for another way out, but I knew there was no way to escape. So I placed the suitcases on the floor and took a deep breath. I could do this. I could stand up to him.

The door clicked open and I took another deep breath in the hopes of calming my nerves. In strode Aiden, the man I had been convinced I loved, and now I failed to see how that ever could have been. He looked a mess. His hair usually pretty well kempt was scraggly and greasy. His eyes, bloodshot and the shadows underneath were so dark that they looked bruised. His lips were chapped and curled into a cruel sneer – a look I had gotten used to seeing towards the end of our relationship – and it was obvious he hadn’t shaved in a long time. His face was full of patchy facial hair because he could never grow a proper beard – a somewhat sore spot for him as it made him feel like less of a man. He was not the same person I had fallen for. He wasn’t even half that man.

“Look who’s back,” He laughed when he saw me standing in the hallway. “Is New Jersey not good enough for you either Ciara? Come crawling back to me again?”

I shook my head, “Aid, it’s not like that….I just – we’ve been joined at the hip since I moved back here….we need a break.”

“So you’re going back there?” He practically spat the question at me, as if the idea of me going back to Jersey was offensive to him or something.

Nodding I tried to explain what was happening, “Oisín needs my help. I’m fostering him for the foreseeable future and he’s coming to Jersey with me.”

“You can’t just leave me like this Ciara!” Aiden began yelling, “We’re supposed to be getting married. You can’t just change your mind like that you stupid bitch! I’m the one who decides what we do.”

“You’re not the boss of me Aiden!” I began shouting back at him, “That’s not how things work.”

His eyes narrowed and his breathing was more like panting. He stared at me for what felt like forever until he spoke in what was barely above a whisper, “I’ll make you regret this Ciara. I’ll kill both you and that little faggot Oisín.”

I gasped; Aiden could threaten me all he wanted I didn’t really care. But he was not allowed threaten the teenage boy I cared so much about. How dare he be so cruel to the boy who was not unlike Aiden and me at that age? It was official; Aiden was not the same man he had once been. There was no way I could ever love someone like him. The fingers on my left hand fumbled as they pried the ring from my left hand and I threw it at Aiden’s chest.

“I could never marry someone as cruel and heartless as you Aiden! I’ll never understand what Rachel saw in you or what I did when we were teens. You are not a man, just a mean, bitter child with a bad temper.”

With that I grabbed my bags and stormed out of the house that I did not intend on ever returning to. Not once did I look back, glad to be rid of Aiden. A weight I was unaware that I had been carrying was now lifted from my shoulders and I felt happier than I had in a long time.