About a Girl

A while after that, Kurt and I laid on our backs staring up at the ceiling and talking. The paint colors from earlier had dried and hardened on our palms. It made the tightness of my skin feel slightly uncomfortable. We were in the middle of the game 20 Questions and now well past the fortieth question.

“Is it too cliché to ask about your favorite color?” Kurt asked with a wry smile.

“I feel like that should have been one of the first questions anyway,” I laughed quietly and swiveled my hips against the carpet more towards his body. “But it’s violet.”

“That’s very fitting.” Kurt said approvingly. “Favorite flower?”

I bit my lip in thought, “Hmmm… probably magnolias.”

He smiled widely. “Well, at least I’d expect that.”

“So now I’m predictable?” I asked with mock outrage. “You never tell a girl that.”

“Calm down,” he teased, hitting me on the arm. The quick action made goose bumps automatically rise on my skin. “I just know you love music,” Kurt started, “And judging by all the Grateful Dead memorabilia stashed around your room I figured you liked the song ‘Sugar Magnolia’.”

“Ah, perceptive.” With a secret grin, I flipped around on my stomach so I could look over at Kurt while we talked instead of the ceiling. “Most people wouldn’t get that. But it’s a classic off of one of their greatest albums.” I smiled thinking back in time, “You know, It took me so long to find it on vinyl. I finally came across a copy in a flea market in Phoenix.”

“What were you doing out there?” Kurt asked sitting up and leaning his back against the bed. His blue eyes kept contact with mine and looked attentive. The amount of interest they held wasn’t something I was used to receiving from most other people. They wrapped me in a warm blanket and I felt like I could divulge almost anything under their influence.

Suddenly, I looked away and started playing with the carpet in front of me, “Well, I started off on a cross-country road trip with Cory right after we graduated high school. It seems so long ago now. It was something we’d always wanted to do.” I told Kurt easily, “It was great for a while; we covered the whole west coast. The parties in California were almost too good to leave. But then one day Cory just wanted to head back, so we cut things a little short.”

Kurt snorted, “Fun guy.”

I laughed loudly, “Yeah, sometimes he’s not the greatest. I had to talk him into doing most things, but that’s just how it is with him.” I shrugged and tried to hide my disappointment. “But I’ll finish all the states one day solo.”

“I’d go with you if you wanted company.” He offered and seemed much closer in proximity to me than before.

“Don’t feel forced.” I assured him though was secretly pleased at the prospect of spending more time with Kurt, even if I knew the road trip most likely wouldn’t happen.

“It wouldn’t be a problem.” He told then and then asked, “Did you make it up to Aberdeen?”

“I made it to Washington, not Aberdeen. Didn’t know it was one of the Seven Wonders.” I spoke teasingly, moving to a spot on the floor next to Kurt.

He smiled slightly, seeming amused, “I’ll have to show you around sometime. Everything’s pretty much shit though. Just old people and trees.”

“Hey, I like trees.” I defended.

“What about old people?” He questioned, trying not to laugh.

I joked, “Not so much.”

Kurt just smiled at me and before he could reply the apartment door creaked open. I knew it would be Heidi and just hope that her man on the side, Alex, wouldn’t be with her.

And sure enough her high-pitched voice shouted from the front door, “Al, you here?”

“In here.” I replied and consciously slid an inch or two away from Kurt. For some reason I felt guilty talking alone with Kurt even though nothing had occurred between us. After Heidi entered my room, her eyes travelled back and forth from me to Kurt. She looked angry at the two of us being together, but tried to act natural, “Kurt, what are you doing here? I missed you, baby.”

However, Kurt looked uncomfortable. It was as if he wanted to escape off to an abandoned island by himself and wait out the storm. “Um, I just stopped by for a little bit.”

Apparently Kurt’s definition of ‘a little bit’ meant hours.

“Well, some of the girls were talking about the carnival in town and I was thinking we could go tonight.” Heidi told Kurt. She made it clear that I wasn’t invited and cut me out of the conversation loop. “And I won’t take no for an answer.” She grinned and linked fingers with his.

Kurt looked up from the floor at her for a moment before replying a simple, “Okay.” He broke his hand away from hers and stood on his feet. For a moment I thought I saw him looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

“Let’s go then.” Heidi said suddenly getting impatiently. As they walked out the bedroom doorway, she pulled Kurt into a long slow kiss right in front of me. It made my stomach twist uncomfortably. Kurt pulled away from her rather quickly and settled for a kiss on her cheek instead.

After they walked out the front door hand in hand, something inside me clicked. Grabbing my sweater from the bed, I ran and opened the door. My heart pounded for reasons other than exertion as I called to them from down the hallway, “Hey guys?” Heidi and Kurt both turned. “I’m coming with you!”

The walk over to the carnival was awkward. I didn’t even know why I decided to come in the first place. My bold announcement just seemed so silly to me now. Under the glow of lanterns, couples pranced around the fairground with oversized stuffed animals. However, I was sitting alone on a splintery wood bench eating nasty carnival popcorn and hearing screams from the roller coaster pound my eardrums. I wasn’t in to any of this.

Just when I had started to daydream, “Ally?” sounded a surprised voice from behind me. I automatically turned at the sound of my name and Cory stood with his hands were shoved deep in his pockets as he strolled over to me. He dipped his head down low, “I thought I recognized you there.”

I stiffened in his presence, but asked politely, “You’re still in town? I thought you would have moved on by now. You’re not used to being so stationary.”

Conflict was something I was something I wanted to avoid at all costs; I could still remember the tumultuous last time I saw Cory. The fight we had was still fresh in my mind and I wanted to salvage any good communication we had between us. The thought of quarrelling again made me flinch.

“I think I’m going be here for a while. There’s a lot I want to fix around. Some very very important things.” He told me meaningfully, perching on the edge of the bench on my left side. “What are you doing out here anyway? I thought you’d be painting.”

With a sigh, I shrugged. “I don’t know honestly. It sounded fun before I got here, but coming to this place just depresses me.”

Cory laughed and ran his hands through his curly hair. “That might be a bit dramatic. And I’m curious as to why you found in fun in the first place; you’re terrified of roller coasters.”
“Thanks for reminding me.” I said sarcastically looking up at the monstrous roller coaster. The cart sped at dangerous speeds across the wooden tracks. The whole operation just looked shoddy. “But at least I’m not afraid of spiders.”

“Hey, that’s a legitimate fear.” Cory said trying to defend himself.

Tossing some popcorn to the dirt, I laughed deeply. “Mine is too even if you don’t think so.”

“I’m an adrenaline junkie so I don’t see how it can scare you. It’s impossible for me to relate.” Cory told me, taking my arm and started prying me from the bench.
As I stood, I reminded him, “We already tried that, remember?”

Cory smiled widely, displaying a mouth full of straight teeth. “I’ll never forget it.” Before anymore could be reminisced, Cory noticed Kurt and Heidi watching us from some striped booths. Their expressions couldn’t hide the wariness they felt concerning Cory. Cory’s fist tightened, “Do you want to talk alone? I don’t want to feel like I’m being watched by Big Brother”

With hesitation, I nodded. “Alright.”

Cory led me over behind some carnival booths on the opposite side of the pathway from Heidi and Kurt. After a moment he stopped and took a breath, “Listen, I’m really glad I saw you here today. I wanted to stop by yesterday and see you but I wasn’t sure if you’d be pissed off still.”

“Bullshit.” I said before I could stop myself.

“It’s the truth.” Cory insisted, taking a step closer to close the gap between us. “I felt bad about the other night… You know how I get sometimes. Hell, it’s not an excuse but, I just want to be with you again. Just have a new start.”

“We already tried that.” I reminded him softly.

“One more time, Ally.” Cory urged, looking into my eyes. “Last time I did a lot of stupid shit. I know it was me who fucked everything up and I don’t want that again.”

“That an understatement.” I commented dryly, staring off towards the ferris wheel.
“Amanda didn’t mean anything to me. She was just a convenience to me. I don’t even know what I was thinking messing around with her.” Cory said getting worked up.

“Really? What about Julie? Danielle? That girl Rita? It’s not like it’s happened once. You’ve had a lot of chances to change.”

“Wait. What are you talking about?” He demanded, looking frazzled.

“I knew that whole time, Cory.” I told him angrily. I trudged a foot or two away, “Just tell me; did they really mean nothing to you?”

“Yes; they were nothing.” He looked defeated as he stretched across the way and took my hand.

“It’s hard to believe anything you say not.” I told him withdrawing my hand out of his grip. His advancements were only dredging up serious emotions from trenches long since dug. I wanted nothing to do with those memories. “How do I know that I’m important to you now?”

“You’re all I have Ally.” Cory spoke seriously. “My parents are gone. Everyone I thought would be there has gone away. You’re my best friend and I need you here with me.”

I just looked away from him and tried to extract his worming thoughts. Cory had said all of this to me so many times before and I’d fallen for it time and time again. After a few tense moments, he tried to put his arms around me. I warned with a wavering voice, “Don’t.”

Anger shadowed his features, “You didn’t used to be this way around me. What’s going on? Is it Kurt?”

“What?” I asked caught off-guard by his curve ball question. For a moment my head spun until I steadied my thoughts, “What are you talking about?”

“When I said I was going to stop by and see you that wasn’t bullshit. I was on the way to your apartment and I saw you let him inside.” Cory told me angrily, standing his ground. “What the hell is going on?”

“So?” I shot defensively, “He was only there looking for Heidi. You can’t expect to have control of my life. It’s not that way anymore with us.”

“Then why did you talk so long with him?” Cory asked, blatantly ignoring the last comment I had made.

“How do you know any of that?” I asked sharply.

“I saw you.” He said simply and then clarified, “I was at your window.”

My jaw nearly dropped and I could barely reply, “How long were you there?”

“Long enough.” He answered simply. Cory studied my shocked face for a minute and couldn’t quite grasp why I was upset. Confusion clouded his expression as he started to reach out towards me, “What’s the matter?”

“Cory just…” I started backing away from him slowly. “Don’t touch me.”

“You’re leaving?” Cory asked me as I turned away.

“I can’t deal with this right now.” I continued to back away and looking at his eyes the whole time.

Part of me felt guilty for leaving my best friend stranded next to the carnival booths. But the fact that Cory had been spying on me crossed a line that I didn’t want breached.

As I fled in the direction of my car, I looked over my shoulder every so often to make sure Cory wasn’t following me. Shuddering, I rifled through my jean pockets trying to locate my car keys. I just wanted to get out of here and go home even though home wasn’t a safe haven anymore. After a fruitless search for the keys, I tried opening the door, but it was locked.

“Ugh!” I exclaimed in frustration hitting the door and yanking on the unyielding door handle.

“Woah. You need to calm down.” A voice floated through the partially opened window along with cigarette smoke. I coughed on the fumes as Kurt sat up in the back seat with a Marlboro dangling from his lips.

“Kurt? What the hell?” I touched my head to make sure I wasn’t dreaming or high. Things were just getting too crazy all at once. Without a word, Kurt pulled the lock upwards and opened the door for me. With a huff, I climbed into the car and sat on the small area behind the passenger seat. After a moment, Kurt laid back down across the whole backseat like he was before I had intruded.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Kurt, pushing the door lock back down in place. With Cory lurking outside I didn’t want any unexpected interruptions.

“Avoiding Heidi.” He said simply, taking another drag off of his cigarette and blowing out the smoke in the general direction of the stars outside.

My anxiety level had almost peaked, “Any chance I could have a smoke?”

“Sure.” He pulled the lit cigarette from his mouth and offered it to me. Our fingers brushed as I took it and inhaled. I just needed something to calm me down. Kurt eyed me, “I didn’t know you smoked…”

“I don’t. I just need something to calm me down.” I told him.

After a few seconds of silence, he said, “I thought you’d be off with Cory somewhere.”

“I don’t know where he is and I don’t care.” I said quickly.

“Something happened?” He raised an eyebrow.

I looked out of the glass at the stars shining, “He saw us Kurt.”

“What do you mean?” Kurt questioned, getting worried by the tone of my voice.
“That whole time we were talking in my room apparently he was keeping tabs on us.” I spoke quietly. Sighing, I shook some the cigarette and hit some ash off of it outside of the window. I passed the cigarette back to Kurt.

He was silent for a long time and took many pulls on the Marlboro. He looked like he was contemplating a great deal of things at once. A few minutes passed by before Kurt broke the silence, “But why?”

“I don’t know. He’s trying to get me back, I think.” I rolled my eyes and started playing with the frays on my jeans. “But I’m not going back to that because I know what it was like last time. But what really scares me is that he could have done anything while he was out there. Broken in or hurt one of us.”

“It makes me wonder where the cops are when I see them patrolling.” Kurt commented dryly sitting up. He made room for me on his one side and I laughed as I climbed on the seat. Kurt’s blue eyes caught mine, “So you have no idea here Cory is?”

I shook my head, mesmerized by his gaze. “You know, he’s probably hiding in the trunk listening to us right now.”

Kurt grinned. “I wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe we should check it out.”

I laughed loudly. “I’ll pass on that.” I stole Kurt’s cigarette and took another drag. “I think I’ll stick with pot.” Kurt laughed quietly. Then I remembered something, “Oh, I’m sitting here rambling about my problems when you’ve been hiding out here. Why are you trying to avoid Heidi? I forgot to ask earlier.”

“I don’t know.” His forehead scrunched together in thought. “Our personalities just clash in a really annoying way. It’s hard to be around her and deal with a lot of the things she does.”
I looked at him expectantly, “Kurt, then why are you with her?”

“There’s just one reason really.” Kurt told me softly as his blue eyes locked with mine again.
I shivered, “And what’s that?”

Suddenly, Kurt laughed and touched my hair softly. “I wish you knew by now.”