About a Girl

Cold and drenched in rain, Kurt and I were huddled in a road-side diner. Our muddy clothes clung to our bodies almost as close as Kurt and I were becoming. We eagerly drank warm coffee and scanned the menu for the daily special.

“Hmm… French toast or an omelet?” I pondered almost as deeply as any work of Socrates.

“Omelet.” Kurt suggested, viewing his own menu.

I bit the inside of my cheek distractedly for a moment, “Nah, can’t pass up French toast. I’m not that crazy.”

His laughter rang out from across the table, “Sometimes I don’t know why I help you with decisions. You never listen to me anyway.” Kurt drank a bit of his coffee and made a face at the mug, “How many people do you think drank out of this?”

“I wouldn’t think about it too much.” I said, “Probably for the best.”’

Kurt shrugged to himself and made no reply as he finished up mentally placing his order. After a few moments, the waitress who had taken our drink orders returned. She looked a little peppier after getting hit on by one of her regular customers. Licking the tip of her thumb, she paged to an empty sheet and waited with a poised pen. It only took a moment for Kurt and I to recite our orders and she was off once more.

Wrapping both hands around my coffee mug, I surveyed the area and noticed some customers giving both of us weird looks. “Wow, I feel welcome.” I spoke sarcastically under my breath.
Leaning forward, Kurt laughed just as quietly. “Well… people are strange these days. That sort of thing is to be expected.”

“I’ve noticed.” I commented as another person glanced back at us. A smile played on my lips, “Maybe they realize you’re Kurt Cobain.”

That idea was laughable as most of the patrons were middle aged and older. Current trends in music didn’t seem to be on their radar. Kurt, however, played along, “You think we can make it out of here? We can run away somewhere.”

“Elope!” I suggested wildly and then hoped Kurt wouldn’t read too far into the suggestion.

His grin came easily, turning up the sides of his mouth. “That would be an interesting life decision.”

Sparing me from a reply, the waitress brought over two plates of steaming breakfast food to the table. “Here ‘ya go.” She said as she sat them both in front of us. Wiping her hands on her apron, she added, “Let me know if ‘ya need anything.”

“Thanks.” Kurt and I said in unison.

She laughed loudly in response and spoke, “You two are the nicest couple I’ve had here in a long time. It’s nice to get a change of company. You folks enjoy.”

We both deftly skirted dealing with the waitress’s label of “couple” and both started eating quickly. I don’t think either of us had eaten anything all day. After spearing a piece of French toast, I noticed that Kurt looked as if he was in some sort of pain. It made me worried and I set down my silverware to ask, “Hey, are you alright?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about me.” But his actions told me otherwise as he stood up to leave the table. “Sorry, I’ll be right back.”

With nothing more, Kurt walked out of the diner and out of my line of vision. Instead of waiting on him to return, I decided to find out what was happening. I left my meal virtually untouched and acknowledged the waitress on the way out the door. “I’ll be back to pay.”

“No problem, hun.” Her answering smile reassured me she didn’t think I was skipping out of the check.

I walked outside where it was still drizzling and it felt like the warmth from the coffee and conversation had faded by now. With little investigation, I grew impatient at not spotting the musician right away. “Kurt?” I walked around the general vicinity calling his name

After five minutes of light detective work, I finally found him leaning on a brick wall near the back of the building. I felt startled at the drastic change in his persona; he looked worn out and sick. I wondered why I hadn’t noticed it before. My opening line was laced with worry, “Are you doing okay? I wanted to make sure everything was alright.”

For some reason, he looked surprised to see me there. I detected the slight tinge of embarrassment too. “Oh yeah, I’m fine.” Kurt looked down to his worn Converse. “This actually happens a lot.”

“Well, what’s wrong?” I asked gently, walking to his side.

“It’s my stomach.” Kurt explained somewhat unwillingly. He shifted under my gaze and continued, “Every time I eat or just for no reason it’ll just hurt. It’s like a burning nauseous feeling.” He paused for a second, “It must sound stupid.”

“It doesn’t.” I assured him, resting a hand softly on his arm to comfort him. I was unsure of the full situation, but didn’t want to leave him to deal with it alone, “Should you… take some aspirin or something?” I didn’t know what I could do to help.

Shaking his head, Kurt laughed bitterly and told me, “Nothing really works. I’ve been to doctors, tried medicine, all of it… it just doesn’t help. Something is fucked up inside of me.”

I chose silence for lack of the right words to say. Leaning against the wall at his side, I wasn’t quite sure there was anything left to say. Nothing could make it better, but I wanted to find something to help him. “Nothing works?” I asked again just to be sure.

“Nothing I’ve tried at least. It might help for a while, but it always ends up coming back.” He looked over at me reaching toward my hand on his arm. Kurt rested his own hand over mine and didn’t move it. “I thought it was getting better these past few days… but not now.”

The distraction of skin on skin contact with him was a bit overwhelming. I had tried for so long to push my budding feelings for the musician to the side and dismiss them as physical attraction. But I knew there was something deeper between us, a connection which I didn’t understand fully.

Shaking those feelings away, I wanted to focus on the real dilemma at hand; Kurt’s stomach issues. I stood thinking deeply with furrowed eyebrows. There had to be a solution to this. There was never anything I couldn’t find an answer to. After a moment, Kurt reached over, touching my forehead to smooth the thought-lines I’d created there.

“Don’t worry about me.” Kurt said smiling at me a tiny bit. “You need to worry about yourself.”
In a bold move, I grabbed his hand from my forehead and held it down by my side. My mouth moved before my brain could stop myself, “I have to worry about you. Who else is gonna do it?” I questioned smirking slightly and asked, “Krist? Dave? I wouldn’t trust them with that job.”

Kurt laughed and pulled me into a tight hug. All of this sudden physical contact left me whirling. “I wouldn’t trust them either.” He joked, pulling away slightly to look down at me. “But I do trust you.”

I could feel a chill run through my body and butterflies flew in my stomach. I reached up slowly to caress his cheek, studying his wonderful blue eyes. Kurt leaned down slowly and I hugged him tightly to my body. I ended up finding to the brick wall for support to stop my wobbling knees. Kurt’s white teeth shone as he whispered in my ear, “Steady, Ally.”

However, I could feel the ends of his lips nearly brushing my earlobe which did nothing to improve my balance. His palms rested on the brick to the left and right of me, pinning me into his hold. There was nothing but us there in that moment and I began to panic.

“Kurt… I… we should just---.”

His lips touched my cheek gently, leaving little patches of warmth. They trailed languidly to their intended target; my lips. I probably had plenty of time to end this and push him away from me. But in my greedy state, that wasn’t what I wanted. Gently, his lips found mine and connected in the most passionate way.

That feeling nearly knocked me to the ground; the amount of care and feeling between us was simply overwhelming. His hand ran slowly through my hair, pulling me closer to him. The added heat sparked long awaited feelings in me. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I added more pressure to our kisses and eagerly awaited more of Kurt’s touches.

I felt some sense of relief as all of this was happening; subconsciously I think I wanted to be with him for a long time and I just couldn’t admit it. It felt like my whole body was covered in goose bumps. But I couldn’t stop to process what was happening.

Our lips parted, but Kurt trailed a series of kisses under my jawline which released more of the pent-up sexual tension between us. “You are just so beautiful.” His words were nearly breathless as he focused his attention on my neckline.

I pulled his head upwards, holding it between my hands. There was something I meant to say, but as cliché as it might be, I was rendered speechless.

“You’re shaking,” Kurt observed, looking a little worried. This public scene was a bit risky when we had never done anything like this. Truth be told, I was just suffering from the chronic onset of chills from what had happened.

Before anything more could be said, we heard a voice coming behind us, “You need to get back in here and pay for your meal This ain’t McDonald’s!” We broke slightly farther apart but not much, only to see who the voice belonged to. Turns out the owner was a stern-looking manager, arms folded across his chest. The glare he gave us was cold.

“Sorry! I’m coming!” I called to him, finally finding my voice. I completely left the warm feeling of Kurt’s arms and that’s when it hit me.

Heidi.

I had just shared a passionate kiss with my roommate’s boyfriend. Guilt surged through my system, draining me of all the happiness and glowing feelings from the kiss. There was nothing I could do to stop the crushing betrayal.

I could feel myself starting to turn red. It wasn’t just because of the manager yelling at us, but from what just happened with Kurt. Avoiding his eyes, I began to follow the manager back in the restaurant. However, a hand held me back.

“Ally?” Kurt’s eyes were wide and worried.

He asked me everything in that instant without every saying a word. Too bad it only took three of mine to destroy everything for us, “I can’t, Kurt.”

My soft words released a crushing blow on him, ending any wishful thinking of us being together that he might have harbored.