About a Girl

I could never apologize enough to him for witnessing me getting sick.

Amazingly, Kurt had held my hair the entire and stayed by side. At least on the surface, he didn’t appear to be repulsed by me now. After the incident, I scrounged up an extra toothbrush from the house and brushed my teeth about five times.

Kurt patiently waited for me to finish my hygienic routine and occupied the time by creating doodles on a sheet of paper. Without looking at me, Kurt offered, “You can take a shower here if you want. I can leave.”

“Don’t leave.” Immediately, I flushed and self-edited, “I mean, you don’t have to leave your own room for me. I’ll just change in the bathroom.”

“Only if you’re okay with that.” Kurt said, meeting my eyes. “I’ll just stay right here.”

Without more discussion, Kurt found a towel and offered for me to use his shampoo. I thought the idea of smelling like him was a little funny so I didn’t refuse the offer. True to his word, Kurt stayed in the bedroom. As tempting as it was to sneak in there with him, I knew it would be a foolish idea. Even though I felt drawn to Kurt, we still hadn’t discussed our kiss and my rejection from the recent past.

As the warm water hit me, I tried to wash off the stress of the past day down the drain. I knew the emotional scars would stick with me for a while, but I had to push past them. I had to move on and not let the memories of the past control my future.

I still couldn’t entirely believe that Cory was the one who had violated my trust in such a terrible way. I knew he hadn’t liked me spending time with Kurt, but hadn’t expected him to go to such lengths to keep me around. Ironically, this event would sever our ties of friendship forever.

I could never trust Cory again.

After the fresh shower, I changed back into my original clothes as I had refused taking any of Kurt’s shirts to borrow. It was important to feel like my whole self again.

Steam swirled out of the bathroom door as I emerged from the room. Kurt looked up from his drawing and a small smile appeared as he took in my wet hair and slightly disheveled appearance. His eyes appraised me in a different kind of light and I would be lying if I weren’t thinking about him in the same way. However, he remained silent and let the moment pass away.

I took a breath in relief, “Well, I feel a little better now.” Taking a prolonged moment, I walked cautiously to the bed, not sure if I would be invited back into Kurt’s warm covers. My fears were eased as Kurt wiggled to one side of the bed so I could sit next to him.

I snuggled into the warm covers, not caring if my damp hair touched the pillow. After the craziness, I felt like sleeping again, but wanted to make the most of the time with Kurt.

From my position in the bed, I studied the various drawings and posters on the walls. Kurt’s bedroom felt like a cartoonist art gallery because of the amount of artist drawings hung on them. There were political cartoons about the economy and a fair amount of portraits of famous musicians he admired.

He saw me staring at the works and said, “No one really sees these.”

“Thanks for letting me,” I told him sincerely. The weight of our fight the other day hung heavy on my mind. After a moment, I added unsurely, “Are you okay with me?”

His brow furrowed, “What do you mean?”

Talking about our fight was awkward, but I had to push through it to gain any ground with Kurt. Sighing, I sat up in bed, “Well… we kissed and I yelled at you.”

“Oh.” Kurt flushed in the lamplight at my direct words. He took a moment to collect his thoughts before replying, “I’m always okay with you.”

That comment relieved a bunch of pent-up pressure in the conversation. I still remained emotionally distant because I wasn’t fully in the clear yet. “I wanted to explain more about that.” I bit my lip, but continued, “Heidi is a person, despite what she does sometimes. I didn’t feel right going behind her back like that. She needs to know what’s happening between us.”

Leaving his drawing unattended, Kurt turned towards me and said, “I ended things with Heidi a couple days before that. I figured she would have said something about it.”

My head spun again, “She… she didn’t mention anything.” To be fair, I hadn’t made myself readily available to be around her after I had begun to develop feelings for Kurt. Those feelings, tightly locked away, were beginning to surface as we talked further.

“I thought you were making up excuses,” he shrugged running a hand through his stringy hair. He talked very low, “Didn’t want to force you into anything.”

For a moment, I stared at Kurt quite dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe we had wasted time over the past few days thinking the other person felt differently. Kurt continued to look down at the sheets as these various emotions ran through me.

A strange thought occurred to me, “Did you think I didn’t want you?”

That question seemed to catch him off-guard. Kurt only opened his mouth to speak and closed it again without saying a word. The silence was measurable.

After a moment of shock, I brushed my hand across the top of Kurt’s hand, almost where the pencil was poised from drawing. The touch created a physical connection between us and filled the void in the room. I told Kurt quietly, “Listen, I wasn’t against kissing you. I would like if you did it again.”

Kurt shifted his blue eyes to meet mine. There was no hesitation as Kurt leaned over the tangled sheets and touched his lips to mine. The kiss was emotional as the hurt we had both been feeling started to melt away. He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me for a long moment, but he didn’t feel close enough. Hugging against him, I pulled Kurt towards me. Being taken off-guard by the movement, he toppled forward over me. He caught himself before landing on me, placing his arms on both sides of my body.

Without restraint, I trailed my hands up his arms feeling the exposed skin. The scent of our bodies swirled around us as he shrugged the covers on top of us. That action created a little cocoon for us under the sheets. We were thrown in complete darkness and warmth. Using my hands as exploration tools, I felt how his body felt aligned with mine.

He pulled my wrist to his lips and murmured my name softly. Running my hands through his blonde hair, I pulled him closer to me again as if he would somehow dissipate from existence. Pulling his T-shirt over his head revealed Kurt’s bare chest which sent shivers of anticipation up my spine. I was hungry for his presence, wanting to be greedy and have his body and soul to myself.

Kurt left trails from his lips on my neckline and played with the ends of my damp hair. Lacing our fingers, we shifted simultaneously on the bed flipping the covers off of us. This allowed me to assume a position on top straddling his sides. First, I looked at his eyes seeing the same desire burning in their depths as I felt. Biting my bottom lip, I rubbed my hands up and down on his chest.

A small grunt emanated from his mouth as the desire began to reach a crescendo. Pulling on my belt loops allowed Kurt to direct my body on top of his. Leaning towards him, I greedily kissed his forehead and cheeks. His lips found my mouth again and deepened the kiss by pulling me closer. After a moment, his hands began to work at the buttons on my flannel shirt.

I gasped in surprise, but wasn’t against the change in events. About halfway down the buttons, Kurt’s hands began to hesitate. He abandoned the effort and restrained himself from furthering my disrobement. After another minute, Kurt kissed me fiercely for good measure before pulling away to rest his forehead against mine.

We both panted, searching for air, as we remained intertwined on the bed.

The rapid decrease in activity alarmed me, “What’s wrong?” I asked, wondering if I had overstepped my boundaries with him.

“Are you okay with this?” he directed the questioning to me. “Not to bring this up, but you know what just happened. I’m just checking with you.” He tilted his head and half-smiled. He said a little nervously, “This offer will always be open so don’t worry about that.”

I smiled in response and then became serious, “Do you think we should stop?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know. I want you to be comfortable.”

I bit my lip in thought, wondering if I was moving on from the trauma of the previous night too quickly. The attack would have an effect on my trust in relationships from now on. Fortunately, I trusted Kurt as both a friend and now maybe something more. Still, I didn’t want to push my progress too quickly and ruin a potential relationship with Kurt.

I sighed, “Okay, maybe we can…” I searched for something platonic to do in the near vicinity, “watch TV or something.”

Kurt nodded and quickly left the bed to flip the television on. I watched him walk across the room and a pang of regret struck inside of me. I watched his movements with eager eyes, trying to conceal the desire for him that I continued to feel.

“Well, isn’t this nostalgic?” I could hear the laughter in Kurt’s voice as he recognized the show.

The television played the same cop re-run show that we watched in my apartment when we had first met. However, Kurt’s presence was too distracting after kissing earlier and it was difficult to calm my libido down.

Kurt turned to walk back to the bed and stopped in his tracks. He raked a careful hand through his disheveled hair, “God, Ally. Please don’t look at me like that.”

“What?” I asked innocently, kneeling on the tangled sheets.

He took a deep breath, “Please…” He looked at the outline of my body longing and the half-open hem of my flannel shirt. “Things will just pick back up,” Kurt warned me. I could see his resolve was slipping the longer he saw me in this state.

I lay back languidly onto the swirling bedspread and replied, “Okay.”

“You’re trying to seduce me,” Kurt accused, not looking very outraged at the possibility. I didn’t reply.

Without further prompting, Kurt jumped back onto the bed and kissed me again before falling off to the side. He lay next to me on the pillows and I leaned over to lightly place my lips on his closed eyelids. With fuzzy sounds emanating from the television, he sighed deeply and spoke up to the ceiling, “You’re trying to seduce me. And it’s working.”