I'm All Yours Somehow

When I met her, it was nothing extraordinary. There was no once upon a time, no love at first sight. We met just like any other normal couple. I didn't meet her through some crazy quest to find the girl I loved through only love notes she's sent to no one in particular. I didn't see her face in the crowd and just knew she was the one. I didn't even run into her and spill my drink on her, or vice versa. We met, just as two people, any two people in this world. We met at a small get together after a show we played, through mutual friends. She was the sister of Pat's brother's girlfriend, who was staying with them for a few weeks before she could move into her college dorm. We met when Pat introduced us, just like "John, this is Alice, Alice, this is John." and that was it. That was the beginning. Nothing extraordinary, or exciting.

But, despite the simple meeting, when she tucked her light brown hair behind her ear, and looked down, smiling with her two bottom teeth overlapping just slightly, with one freckle underneath her right eye... it was special.

We were just two kids, and it all made the biggest impact on our lives. It affected no one else, in the grand scheme of things, it didn't even make a disturbance. It was nothing, and yet, it was everything.

I thought about all this, my arms wrapped around her, curled up in bed. She was wearing one of my old t-shirts, with a hole in the armpit and a paint stain from when we painted the kitchen on the front, and it smelled like a mixture of my cologne and her perfume. Her hair spilled out on the pillow, and I breathed her shampoo in, my eyes half open so I could watch her chest rise and fall as she slept. I thought about how the first date we ever went on, leading to our first kiss, leading to ... well, this. I thought back on the day she moved in, only a few months after we started dating. I just thought about her.

See, we'd only been dating for one year exactly, but since that first day we met, and I asked her to go to dinner with me, and she wore that pretty little dress with flowers on it, it hasn't stopped, or slowed, and our relationship progressed faster than I could have imagined. We just kept moving along, and moving up, and getting closer, and nothing was stopping us.

Not saying our relationship didn't have setbacks, because, of course it did. We were just any normal couple, like anyone else in the world. There was nothing special, nothing that made us stand out. We were just two kids in love.

Alice was a year younger than me, and she was extremely shy, except when I was around. She wore sweat pants and my hoodies and her hair up, and hid from the world when she was scared. She got anxious about people, about disappointing people, and she was often terrified of just... nothing. Some days, I had to stay in and coax her to come to the a concert with me, but she was so scared of being crushed by the crowd. She had her problems, and I had mine, and every time she grasped my hand tighter because she was nervous, or every time she looked at me uneasily, it made me love her more.

She was insecure and would bury her head in her hands when I wanted to just sit there and stare at how beautiful she was all day. She always doubted how much she meant to me, and would worry whenever I went out somewhere she wouldn't be, that I'd meet someone else, but I wouldn't.

I couldn't count the number of times she had said things like "How could you love me? I'm not a normal, pretty girl. You could have anyone you want, why pick me?"

And whenever she said that, I would start arguing about how she was the only girl I wanted. No, she wasn't normal. She was extraordinary. No, she wasn't pretty. She was beautiful, and every single time, the argument would end in "I'll prove it to you. I'll prove how much I love you, watch. One day, you'll see."

But hell, she never believed me.

This girl had the best of me. She knew exactly how to make me fall to my knees and worship her without even trying. I wasn't entirely sure why I'd fallen so hard for her, and I wasn't sure I'd ever really know, but I knew I did, and I knew that she could do anything, absolutely anything, and I would still love her.

So, I was planning on how to get her to believe I loved her the way I did.

I had a plan. A foolproof plan. A plan to keep her mine forever.

I smiled to myself, and squeezed her back right up to my chest, and she stirred, letting out a soft, high pitch whimper, and her eyelids slowly fell open. She turned, so she was facing me, blinking the sleep from her blue eyes.

"Morning." I said, kissing her nose. She smiled at me.

"Morning..."

"You sleep well?"

She nodded. I sat up, and pulled her up with me, her hand rested on the tattooed part of my bare chest. "Love you."

She tilted her head, with a confused expression. "I love you too."

I leaned in and kissed her small pink lips. "Happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary to you, John O'Callaghan." She said quietly, tracing my "V" tattoo with her finger tips. I felt the dull point of her nails scraping against my skin, and it made me shiver. "Now where's my present?" She teased, sticking her tongue out at me. I just smiled.

"I'm taking you out."

"To dinner?"

I shrugged. "I'm taking you out." She got up off me, and I got off of bed, looking for some clothes. I ran my fingers through my hair, and looked over at her. She was sitting straight up, her hair sticking up all crazy, the remainders of last night's make up smudged near her eyes. Her long legs stuck out from my t-shirt, and she just looked at me, and I looked at her, and every single second I got more and more sure that I was doing the best thing for us.

The best thing for forever.

--

"John, where are we going?" Alice asked quietly. She was curled up in a ball in the passenger's seat, her knees pulled right up to her chest. The sun was shining, we'd been driving for about half an hour to god knows where (I still didn't know and I was the one driving).

"You'll see." I said, turning a corner, one hand on the steering wheel, and the other in her's.

She sighed, smiling at me, and I grinned at her in return before turning my eyes back to the road. She was now wearing a Death Cab For Cutie band shirt, and jean shorts. I was wearing gray jeans and a t-shirt, with my gray beanie on my head.

I rolled down the window, and turned up the radio, and I heard her giggle, and turned to look at her, and we sang loudly along to whatever songs we knew, and laughed, and she clapped her hands and smiled, and shook her light brown hair with the wind, and just reminded me over and over the reasons that I loved her so much.

Finally, after about an hour long joyride, I pulled over at a little clearing overlooking some buildings. It was nothing spectacular, and wasn't exactly breathtaking, but that was okay. I wanted to do this the way we had met. Ordinary. Just another passing day that turned out to be more special than anything. I'd heard so many stories of guys who went to the end of the world and back for this one day, but that wasn't me. That wasn't Alice. That wasn't... us.

We got out of the car, I opened the door for her, and led her out to the grass. "Alice."

"John?"

"I love you." I took both her hands in mine, leaning right in close to her. I took off my beanie, and jammed it in my back pocket. "I love you so much I don't know how to describe it. You can do whatever you want to me, anything at all, bad, good, whatever and I'll still be here waiting for you, and I know you're scared..."

She opened her mouth to speak, but I squeezed her hand tighter and she slowly closed her mouth.

"I know you're scared, and you're insecure, and you don't believe I really love you, and I know you'd rather leave me now than have me leave you sometime in the future so that you don't get hurt. I know that. I've been trying to convince you that I'm not leaving, not now, not ever, but you don't believe me..."

She looked away shyly.

"You are the most beautiful girl in the world. I love you more than I've ever loved anything, and..."

And then, I dropped to one knee.

She stared at me, eyes wide, like she was trying to figure out everything that was going on... even though, she already knew.

I pulled a little box from my front pocket, opened it, and gingerly took the ring out, sliding it onto her delicate little ring finger. "Alice, sweetie, baby, hun, will you marry me?"

She nodded frantically, her head bobbing up and down and her hair falling over her shoulders and into her eyes. "Yes."

I stood up, flung my arms around her, and picked her up, so her feet were kicking in the air. She squealed, and I kissed her passionately, swinging her around.

We were getting married.

Alice and John O'Callaghan.

Forever.

--

I never expected to be that guy. You know, that one that's totally whipped and is head over heels in love with a girl. In fact, I never expected to be in love at all, let alone this. It was weird, and almost scary... but in a good way. I still couldn't believe it. Neither could anyone else. When I told my friends that I was engaged, they didn't believe me. They just sort of looked at me, dumb founded. They were shocked, of course. They didn't even totally except it for a while. They complained about what would happen to the band if I had a wife, and if it would change me or whatever, but they got over it. In fact, seeing as I couldn't pick just one of them, they were all standing there with me, as my "best men".

I swallowed hard, pulling at my tie that was uncomfortably tight feeling around my neck. I felt extremely awkward in the tux. Pat tapped me lightly on the shoulder, and I glanced over at him. He gave me a thumbs up, and grinned. I looked out on the rows of nicely dressed people, staring, waiting to watch Alice and I exchange our own vows that we wrote ourselves.

I could feel sweat gathering in my palms, and my heart beating wildly in my chest. The rush of emotions hit me and I turned back to Pat, Kennedy, Jared and Garrett for reassurance. I was excited, and scared, and happy, and nervous....

Finally, the music started.

Alice's little cousin walked down the aisle as the flower girl, and her little brother walked beside her as the ring bearer. Alice's maids of Honor followed after, smiling at me in their champagne colored dresses.

And finally, Alice entered on her father's arm.

When I saw her there, in her wedding dress, walking towards me with the most radiant smile on her face, all my nerves went away, and I just stared at her. The dress clung to her body, and bloomed out at her knees, her hair partly up, partly down, and it seemed like I watched her walk up to me forever before she was right in front of me.

The minister started saying the opening words, but I was hardly listening. I was just staring at her, in complete awe of her. Her two slightly overlapped bottom teeth. That one freckle under her right eye.

Alice said her vows, with all these beautiful words she was so good at making. "John Cornelius O'Callaghan The Fifth, you are the sweetest boy I've ever known, and I am lucky to be marrying my best friend today. There is only one you, and there is only one person out there for me, and it's you. It always has been. Because, I can't lay in the front seat on the car, with the sun warming me through the windows, and the wind blowing through my hair with anyone else, and no one else can sing songs they wrote for me to sleep every night. There is no one else I can watch sing onstage, seeing your jaw tense and untense as you sing, seeing the sweat gathering at your forehead, and you're so happy doing what you love, not just for you, but for me, for the kids that love you and your music, your friends, you family. Everyone. And I will continue to love you, every part of you, from the hairs on the back of your neck, to your smile, to the tips of your toes, every day of my life."

And finally, it came time for me to say my own vows, that I had wrote. I cleared my throat, and looked Alice in the eyes. "I have so much to say to you but I can't always put it into words. I am so lucky to have you, and to have you forever after today. I couldn't possibly be a happier man." I smiled, and she smiled back, her eyes glistening. "People always ask me 'Why her? Why now?' and all I can say is, I love her. I love her now, and I always will. I fell for you for so many reasons. Like, your shyness, and your quirky charm, and the way you love rainstorms and how you know how to write the most amazing things. All those reasons and more, and I could try, and try, and try to say how I feel, but I can't always find the words... but as always, music speaks better for me than I do sometimes. You know how awkward I get around girls." She giggled. "And this song, baby, this ones for you."

She tilted her head, and I started singing softly.

"Well, where I come from, we learn to take it nice and slow, but baby since we've met, oh it's been go, go, go... So, you can rough me up, yeah baby you can hurt me too, because all I got, you see all I got is you. You can rough me up, you can break me down, baby don't stop now. You can use me up till it all runs out, oh baby don't stop now. I'm all yours, I'm all yours somehow, yeah baby don't stop now..."

My voice was rough from nerves and although it makes me a bit less manly to admit, emotion. Joy.

Alice's eyes were filled with tears, and she was grinning from ear to ear, and I knew that I was doing exactly what she needed. I was singing exactly what she wanted to hear, and exactly what I wanted to see.

"So, where I come from, we learn to make the best of things, but baby since we met, you know you've had the best of me. So you can lock me up, yeah baby throw away that key, cause all I know..." I smiled up at her through my eyelashes. "Is that this is where I wanna be. You can rough me up, you can break me down, baby don't stop now. You can use me up, till it all runs out, oh baby don't stop now.. I'm all yours, I'm all yours somehow..." I swallowed hard, and just smiled meekly at her.

The rest of the ceremony breezed by, many tears shed within our guests (mainly Alice's mother, and mine as well), smiles, and just genuine, pure happiness. Cheesy as it all sounds, the love hung around the room like a blanket.

The part of the night I had been waiting for most though, finally came.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Oh god, did I ever. I kissed her, and I pulled her right up close to me, and pressed my lips right onto hers with gentle force, and in that one kiss, it said everything both of us needed to, that even music couldn't put into words. I need you. I love you. You're all mine.

Baby, don't stop now.