An Unexpected Something New

Hannah hadn’t talked to me in three days. She hadn’t answered my repeated phone calls, responded to my desperate voice mails or texts, or done as much as give me any indication that she’d ever talk to me again. I couldn’t blame her for not talking to me. I deserved the punishment I was getting after what I’d done to her. I was miserable though, I missed her and I felt frantic not knowing if I’d ever have her in my arms again. If she didn’t forgive me or even give me a chance to prove how sorry I was I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it. I couldn’t live without her and I didn’t want to…I just didn’t know what to do to make up for my actions. I was too embarrassed and ashamed to see her. I needed to do something more.

“She still won’t talk to you, huh?” Jordan and I were getting ready to walk out of practice and he knew everything I was going through. I told him the horrible things I’d done to Hannah and for once he actually seemed appalled despite all the awful things he’d done to women over the years.

“No,” I shook my head not trying to hide my depression. “I don’t even know what to do at this point.”

“Have you gone there and begged for forgiveness?”

I grabbed my stuff and headed out with him. “No. I’m really too embarrassed. She deserves more than that. Me just showing up at her place would be an insult to her. I have no right. I need to do more than that but I don’t know. I just don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know anything except that every second that passes the crazier I’m going.”

“I don’t blame you. It’s been days. I’d be just as anxious as you are. What exactly is your plan?”

“Honestly I don’t know yet. I don’t know what to do but I’m also afraid that when I face her she’ll dump my sorry ass and I can’t handle that. I think that’s part of the reason why I haven’t come up with a plan yet.”

“I don’t think she’ll do that. She loves you.”

“Yeah but Staal I was nasty. I was terrible to her. You weren’t there obviously but I was a rotten asshole. I’m pretty sure I broke her trust in me. I wish I could take it back. God why am I so stupid? I wish I didn’t get so fucking drunk.”

“Yeah that wasn’t exactly the best move. And letting Kris influence you? Bad move bro. Bad move.”

I rubbed my forehead and let out a deep breath. “Believe me, I know. I would never have said the things I said to her or done the things I did to her had I been sober. I didn’t even mean any of it. I couldn’t remember it the next morning. I just feel horrible. She doesn’t deserve what I did to her.”

“You’re going to have to come up with some kind of plan,” he stated the obvious. “And I would do it sooner rather than later. Waiting around doing nothing isn’t helping your case.”

“I guess I could start by sending her something. Maybe it’ll soften her up a little bit.” I threw the idea out there as I was thinking out loud. I wanted to thaw her just the slightest so she would be open to talking to me.

“Get on it bro, or you do risk losing her. I don’t think that’s what she wants but if you give up she’s going to give up too.”

“No,” I objected adamantly. “I don’t want to give up. No way in hell.”

“Then prove it.” He was right. I needed to man up and stop being a pussy. I needed to do something to show her I was sorry and stop being afraid of losing her. If I kept at it, it was a sure fire way to go about it actually happening.

The second I walked in my door I hopped on the computer and found the biggest most beautiful flower, teddy bear and chocolate arrangement I could find. I made sure it was going to be delivered asap and typed up the heartfelt message I needed to say. I told her I loved her, I was sorry for being such an ass and if she gave me another chance I’d earn her trust back. I told her I wasn’t about to give up even though she had every right not to talk to me. I closed the note by asking her if she’d please accept my phone calls so that I could ask her out again. The second it processed and I knew it was on the way I felt my heart jump into my throat slightly nervous that she would say no.

The hours came and went and I hadn’t heard from her. I knew she received the obnoxiously huge delivery I’d sent her as I’d received an email confirming as much. Sitting there waiting for a response that wasn’t coming was driving me crazy. I needed to go out and get my mind off of everything. Unfortunately for me I couldn’t control where I ended up driving and before I knew it was I was pulling up to Hannah’s. My heart was racing when I slowly pulled up as I tried to come up with a plan. I wanted to pull her into me and make her believe how sorry I was. I wanted her to know how much I loved her, how much I missed her.

The problem was she was already outside leaning against a car with a man. Her driveway was long enough and private enough where she probably couldn’t see me and I was having a hard time seeing who she was with. When he turned and the moonlight hit his face I felt rage flow through my body as I realized it was Jordan. I felt stupid I hadn’t realized it sooner. Hannah had her arms crossed as she leaned against his car, her face had such vulnerability on it that it was breaking my heart. Jordan was leaning against the car as well when I saw him reach out and rub Hannah’s arm with his big paw.

Hannah tilted her head and I watched as she extended her arms and wrapped them around his neck as he wrapped his around her waist in a hug. When they pulled apart I saw her muster a smile at him and nod her head as he got in his car. I was furious, absolutely furious. I couldn’t believe that Jordan would do something like that behind my back. He knew how much I loved her and there he was at her place hugging her and touching her—and she was letting him. My body was almost shaking with anger and nauseous with jealousy. I didn’t want to lose her, not to Jordan, not to anyone else. I was so hurt and betrayed by my friend that I just shook my head and drove back home. I wanted to scream and throw a fit but it would do me no good. We were leaving for the road tomorrow and the thought of being pent up with Jordan and leaving Hannah here with things between us so unsure made me feel worse. Watching Hannah interact with Jordan made me feel like I lost her. I knew Jordan thought she was attractive but I never thought he’d actually act on it. The worst part was it was my own fault. If I hadn’t been such an asshole I would have been with her that moment.

I couldn’t get any sleep that night as I replayed everything I’d done wrong in my mind. My stomach churned as I mentally pictured my friend and teammate at my girl’s house. I didn’t know what to make of it. I just knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my feelings to myself. I never was any good at masking my anger.

When we got on the plane I barely even glanced at him. If I had started talking to him then we would have had a huge fight because I would not have been able to contain myself. It wasn’t like he didn’t notice my shift in attitude. As soon as we got to our room and put our bags inside he closed the door and stood in front of me.

“Okay, what’s going on with you?”

I didn’t look at him as I shook my head and started unpacking my stuff. “Nothing.”

“Seriously? You’re gonna be like that? What’s wrong? You haven’t said a word to me since we left this morning.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” I spat out disgusted.

“What? What Crosby? What’s crawled up your ass, what am I supposed to know?”

“I saw you last night!” I blurted out angrily. “I went over to Hannah’s, I guess I was just going to beg for forgiveness and when I got there I saw you and her together. How could you do that to me?”

“Do what?” he screamed back. “What do you think I did?”

“Why were you there Staal? I saw you hugging her and touching her. C’mon. Why else would you be there behind my back?”

“Wait a minute. You think I was there to hit on her? You honestly think there’s something going on now between her and I? Are you serious? Wow.” The look on his face was genuine surprise. “You actually think I’d put the moves on your girl behind your back like that?”

“Sure looked it.”

“You’re such a fucking fool. Why don’t you try asking me why I was there before you fly off the handle making accusations. This is what got you into this mess to begin with.”

“What are you talking about?” I stopped yelling and was now focused on catching my breath.

“Crosby, I wasn’t there to hit on Hannah, nor does she want anything to do with me. She’s crazy about you. A thousand percent in love with you. I went there last night to talk to her; believe it or not her and I have become friends because of you. I wanted to see where she was at and see if I could get her to talk to you. I see how miserable you’ve been and I wanted her to know how bad you felt. I don’t want to see you guys break up.”

I kind of froze as I looked at him letting his words sink in. I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been. “Wow man, I don’t know what to say.” It was clear by the tone of my voice that I felt defeated.

“I don’t understand why the fuck you would think I would do that to you. I didn’t tell you I went there because I didn’t think you needed to know, and I didn’t want her to think you sent me.”

I rubbed the back of my neck and felt the heat in my cheeks. “I’m sorry Staal.”

“Whatever.”

“I know I’m an asshole and don’t exactly have the right to ask but…what did she say?”

“You’re right you don’t deserve to know,” he snickered. “You don’t trust her after how you treated her and you clearly don’t trust me.”

“I said I was sorry.” I felt like such a dick. “I do trust her. I trust her more than anyone. And I do trust you…I’m sorry. I just freaked out. She hasn’t spoken to me in days and when I went to go make her hear me out and I saw you there I just couldn’t take it.”

“Look,” he sat down on edge of the bed. “I’m not going to sugar coat it and tell you she’s not angry with you, because she is. But I wouldn’t go on that because she’s just hurt man. She’s torn. She wants to be with you, she loves you but you really fucked up.”

“I already knew that. You think I didn’t realize that days ago?

“She doesn’t want to leave you. She loves your sorry ass. I tried to get her to talk to you but you’ve gotta make that happen on your own.”

I breathed a sigh of relief that I wasn’t going to lose her. That was the most important piece of information he could have given me.

“Here’s the thing you need to answer Crosby. Do you want to be with her for the long run?”

“What kind of question is that, of course I do.”

“No. I’m serious. You treated her like a piece of ass and tried to push her into having sex in the most horrible way ever. My question is this. Why are you with her if you can’t handle not having sex? You fell in love with her knowing she was a virgin. You said so yourself you respected her for it. Why would you commit to a relationship if you couldn’t handle not having sex with the person you’re with? And I couldn’t blame you because I would be going crazy too, but don’t tell her you’re willing to wait when you’re clearly not and you don’t know how long you’ll have to.”

I shook my head ashamed and sat down on the edge of my bed. “I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t easy not having sex with her. I love her and I think about it constantly, but I’d never push her. If I hadn’t gotten so rotten drunk I never would have done that. It’s not easy but she’s worth it. I’d wait for her because deep down I know I’m waiting for my wife.”

“Alright, I don’t want to over step my boundaries here but don’t you think that’s exactly what you should be telling Hannah?”

I didn’t have any words. He was right. He was totally right.

“I mean, Crosby, dude, you basically told her if she didn’t give it to you that you’d find it elsewhere.”

“I know. I’m so fucking embarrassed about the things I said to her. It makes me physically sick to think of the things I said to her and see the look in her eyes. I was so drunk Staal, I was so drunk I didn’t remember even seeing her when I woke up the following morning, but when it came flooding back it all came flooding back.”

“I know you love her, you don’t need to convince me.”

“I think I might need to convince Hannah though,” I sighed. The more I thought about it the more confident I was that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We’d talked about it and I always assumed we were heading there but now I didn’t want to wait. Being in this position, almost losing her was more confirmation than I needed. “She’s the one.”

“If you don’t want to lose her then you better tell her that soon.”

My adrenaline started pumping knowing we were so far apart and I couldn’t tell her or at least attempt to tell her how I felt, how sorry I was. I knew exactly what I had to…well, what I wanted to do and nothing was going to stop me.

****

When Hannah’s parents invited her over for dinner she happily obliged. She’d understandably been having a rough couple of days. She missed Sidney but didn’t really know how she felt over what had happened between them. She wanted to escape thinking about him. She wanted to escape the huge ‘I’m sorry’ present he’d sent her…the first attempt he’d made at really trying to apologize in days. Her conversation with Jordan the night before warmed her up to the idea of hearing Sid out but it wasn’t like he was really going out of his way to make her want to.

She hadn’t really told her parents much of what was going on between her and Sid and she definitely didn’t tell them about their problems. When she got to her parents she greeted them with a hug and smelled the food that was cooking.

“You look beautiful baby,” her mom squealed as she hugged her.

“Thanks mom,” Hannah was tired and trying to fake being as happy as possible. After what she’d went through with Derek she didn’t want her parents seeing her this serious and this upset over another guy.

“How’s it going,” her dad led her to the kitchen. “How’s the house treating you?”

“It’s been great. I love it. Thanks again for everything with that.”

“There isn’t much to thank me for,” he laughed. “You didn’t really need my help. All I did was give you a place to stay. I’m pretty sure your friend Sidney helped you do all the dirty work.”

Hannah felt her heart skip a beat at the mention of his name and she let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah he was very helpful.”

“I’m sure he was. You know by how you described him, he seemed to really care about you.”

Hannah tried to brush off the subject by nodding her head and looked through the cabinets until she settled on a piece of chocolate. “He was just helping me move dad.”

“I’m pretty sure you hang out with him a lot more than just when you moved into the house Han,” her dad put his hand on her shoulder. “Since you moved back here you seem happy. I haven’t seen your eyes sparkle this much in a very long time…and that means even when you were with Derek.”

“Dad, I’m just happy to be home. Can’t we just leave it at that? Why is it so hard for you to believe that I’m happy to start a new chapter in my life?”

“I never said you weren’t happy to do that, I’m just saying you were noticeably different after you started spending time with Mr. Mover.”

“Yeah well, he’s not so bad.”

“Well guys don’t spend all that time with a girl if they don’t care about her and all I’m saying is he seemed to care about you an awful lot.”

“Yeah. I’m sure he does Dad. What’s with the third degree?”

“I’m sorry Han, I just want to know what’s going on with you. I know he plays for the Pens so we can put the game on if you want. It’s about to start.”

“That’s fine,” Hannah walked into the living room and curled up on the couch as her dad put the television on. Hannah felt her skin tingle as she looked for the guy she loved on the ice. Only problem was he wasn’t on it. She searched the bench when they showed it and didn’t see him. When the announcers stated that Sidney Crosby wasn’t going to be playing tonight due to personal reasons Hannah felt her heart stop. She immediately started to worry about him, if he was sick or injured or banging some other girl. She couldn’t hide her surprised expression from her dad who immediately saw the concern flash across her face.

“Everything okay? Why isn’t he playing?” he asked Hannah.

“I don’t know.” Hannah could only help he was healthy, that maybe the reason he wasn’t playing was because he came down with a cold or got the flu. She wanted to call him but it wasn’t that simple. When the puck dropped she watched the guys she had become familiar with skate around without her boyfriend. No matter how hard she tried to pretend she didn’t care she couldn’t escape the fact that she did.

It was midway through the first period when her parent’s doorbell rang. Hannah looked at the door from her comfortable seat under the blanket on the couch when her dad came in and walked by her to get the door. She watched him open it because she was curious what guest her mom and dad were getting and when she saw her father shake the guy’s hand her curiosity heightened. It was at that moment that her dad stepped aside and Sidney walked in immediately locking eyes with Hannah. Her heart pounded in disbelief that he was standing there in her parent’s house looking at her with the biggest puppy dog eyes she’d ever seen.

“What…what are you doing here?” she managed to stumble out.

“I need to talk to you Han,” Sid walked a few feet closer and Hannah responded by getting off the couch and walking towards him.

Hannah’s father turned to go in the kitchen to give them some privacy but before he left the room he stopped to hug his daughter. “He loves you, talk to him,” he whispered in her ear before leaving her alone with Sid.

It took a few seconds for Hannah and Sid get over the awkward tension but Sid broke it by walking to her all the way and putting his arms around her waist. “Hi.”

She looked up at him and couldn’t help but smile. “Hi.”

“I’ve missed you,” he breathed out. He wanted to lean down and kiss her but he didn’t think she’d let him just yet.

“You have? I thought you were busy finding girls who would give you what you wanted since I wouldn’t. I mean, don’t you know who you are?” she asked sarcastically clearly still upset.

“Han,” Sid led her to the couch and sat down next to her. “I fucked up. You have no idea how sorry I am. I didn’t mean any of the shit I said to you the other night. I never would have said or done those things if I were sober and I clearly wasn’t. You have every right to be angry with me but it doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”

“So you couldn’t tell me that for days? You had to get my parents involved?”

“Okay, I wanted to show you that I’m in this for the long haul. I wanted to meet your parents and man up and tell them I needed their help; that I’d hurt you and I was wrong. I’d do anything for you. Clearly by the fact that I’m not playing right now and I’m here with you and your parents should show you that.”

“Okay, but I need to ask you something.” Hannah was very timid about what she was about to say. “Why are you with me? Why are you with me if you feel so strongly that you deserve sex?”

Sid looked down embarrassed and finally back up at her. “I didn’t mean that, you know I didn’t. The fact that I did something to make you question how I feel about you makes me sick.”

“Well how do you think it made me feel when you said and did those things? You treated me like a whore.” Sid’s heart was breaking when he looked at her and saw the tears welling in her eyes.

“Hannah I know this has to be hard for you to believe but here’s the truth. I want to be with you that way—you know I do. I love you and I think about what it would be like constantly. It isn’t easy but the reason I can handle it is because I know the person I’m waiting on is my wife. If I could take back what I did the other night I would take it back in a heartbeat and the reason I haven’t shown up at your house and begged for forgiveness is because I was just mortified by how I acted. You deserve better than that and I’ll do anything I have to in order to prove that to you.”

Hannah’s tears fell from her cheeks and she let out a little laugh. “I can’t believe you’re here with me right now. I know how much you must have had to go through in order to miss the game…and I never would ask you to do that.”

“I know that Han. I missed because you’re more important. Our future together is more important and I couldn’t be gone not knowing. I just knew I didn’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” she whispered through tears as she leaned into him. “Believe it or not I love you too.”

Sid wiped way her tears with his thumbs before leaning in and pressing his lips to hers. He moaned as her tongue slipped in his mouth. He missed this and was so afraid he would never be this way with her again. They pulled apart both knowing it couldn’t go any further, at least now considering the setting. It didn’t stop Sid from pressing his nose to hers and taking her in. “I love you. You know that right?”

Hannah smiled and quickly pressed her lips against his. “I do now.”

“Would you mind formally introducing me to your parents now?”

“I’d love to…by the way how did you even get their number to plan this?”

“Well let’s just say I called in a favor.” Sid took Hannah’s hands in his and squeezed them before bringing her hands up to his face and kissing each one. “I humbled myself and told them that I messed up. I didn’t get into the specifics but I did say I loved you and I needed their help in order to talk to you. I was afraid they’d tell me to get lost but they didn’t.”

“I guess they can tell you were being honest.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because Derek never went out of his way like this. They liked him, but he never did anything to prove how much he loved their daughter. This clears up why he was asking me so many questions about you earlier.”

“Who, your father?”

Hannah nodded her head. “Yeah. I can’t believe you guys,” she giggled. “But I’m happy you’re here. I’ve missed you.” She wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in his strong chest.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m not ever going anywhere.” Sid kissed the top of her head before standing up. He helped her get up with him and took her hand to lead her to where her parents were waiting patiently to eat dinner with them. “Okay now let’s go spend some time with your parents. I really want to talk to your dad anyway.”