You Know I Still Get Lost in Your Eyes

We was sitting in his car when the police arrived, his arm was wrapped around my shoulder. Holding me close to him, as I explained through tears to the police about the incident. Kenneth was there filling the police in on things I couldn’t say without crying harder and stroking my hair lightly when I couldn’t speak anymore. “Can we go home now?” He interrupts the cop, “We’ve told you all that happened, okay? I need to go pick up my daughter” The young cop smiles understanding, and says in a calm tone. “Okay, Mr. Nixon I understand” He closes his small notepad and places the pen behind his ear. “We’ve came to the conclusion that he was stalking you. Listening in on your conversations and that’s how he probably when you were alone, and when you was coming” My eye darted towards the police car where they held ashton, He glares at me but when I met his eyes, he smiles. Mouthing the words to me softly “I’m going to end you” I shudder and Kenneth wraps his arms tighter around me, I buried my face into his shoulder. “Thank you officer” I can hear his heartbeat, and I allow myself to indulge in him. His smell, his face, the sound of his voice echoing out into the stage at a concert, his everything. I missed him. “Toni?” I glance up slightly and his brown eyes are staring at me seriously. “Do you want to go with me or go to your mother’s house? Either one, it doesn’t matter. I’m staying with you” I nod and tell him in a quiet tone “I want to go to our house, Kenneth” He smiles sadly. “Okay. Love”

It’s been weeks since the accident and I still can’t seem to shake the feeling of being paranoid. I felt like everywhere I turn, Ashton would be right there, smiling and waiting on me. Kade gurgles and coughs, I raise up and move the sippy-cup away from her lips. I lift her up slightly and allow her to rest her head on my shoulder. I pat her back gently and slowly her coughs creases. “Mommy sorry” I murmur softly, placing her back on my lap and smiling at her. “Mommy was being stupid, mommy sorry” I repeated softly, kissing her forehead. She smiles with her gums and says “Da” I flinch slightly and give her a look . “What” she giggles and says again softly “da” A smile spreads across my lips and I grin happily at her. “Oh my god” I shout and it startles her a little, I laugh lightly when she flinches and hides her face with her chubby hands as if she did something wrong. I laugh and move her hands kissing her cheek. “Say it again ladybug” Her toothless smile returns as she says slowly “Da!” She hears herself and laughs, jumping up and down and clapping her hands together. “Oh my god. You are so cute!” She laughs more and claps louder.

I place her in my bed, her snores are soft and barely unnoticeable. I grab my lap-top from the desk and turn it on, waiting for it to charge I send Kenneth a message.

Get on your computer, so I can see your face. I miss you and I gotta tell you something exciting ;D

I wait and so enough, my phone is buzzing beside me.

Hey babe, miss you too. Give me a minute.

And just like that, his smiling face was on my screen. I smile, “Hey babe” he tells me with his southern accent. “Hey” He grins and says in a low voice “I miss you” I glance back over towards kade, who’s stirred a little in the bed, I glanced back u. “I miss you too, how’s the tour going so far? ” He brushes his hair away from his face, “Awwhl. It’s awesome, we’re touring with Asking Alexandria and Falling in reverse. And it’s fun to see their drama, it’s a little interesting” He smirks deviously and leans forward “Okay so Danny’s sister Cole likes ronnie. But ronnie is a man-whore and her brother isn’t happy about them. She got into a fight with danny’s girlfriend yesterday” I smiled and chuckled lightly to myself, as he explains this to me with excitement. “you’re so noisy babe, don’t get in their drama” He shrugs “hey sometimes, there’s nothing on tv. And life is like tv” I brush a stray hair away

“Kade said her first word today”

“She did?”

“Yep”

“What was it?”

“Da”

He looks a little sad, and he thinks I can’t see it, I frown slightly “What’s the matter” He looks away “I missed it, I missed her first word” I smile sadly “She’ll learn more. And you’ll be here for them” He doesn’t seemed convinced. “But I missed it, Toni. I missed my child’s first word” I decided to change the subject “When are you coming home?” He shakes his head sadly “Not until another month” I smile “Fine. We can wait that long”