You Know I Still Get Lost in Your Eyes

My eyes open slightly, the sun hitting the plain glass and reflecting off into my eyes making them a shade lighter. I glance over towards kenneth, who is deeply sleeping. Snoring softly, his breaths are deep and even. When I shift over to get a better look at him, he stirs. His peaceful face turning into a slight frown as he wraps his arm around my shoulder protectivly, bringing me closer to him. Muttering deeply "No. don't.." I give him a confused look and lean over closer to him to hear him better "What babe?" his frown deepens. "I said no" He growls angrily, his arm tightening around me. I sit up quickly untangling myself from his grip. "Kenneth?" I make his name a question as I push his shoulder, trying to wake him up from his deep slumber. He comes around slowly at first, opening his eyes slow at first then closing them again. Repeating the action, once more before he actually woke up. Giving me a confused sleepy look, he smiles once he sees me and says with a chuckle "What's the matter toni?" I look at him weirdly and tell him in a uneasy tone. "Do you sleep well?" He nods slightly, glancing away from him. "yeah. fine" He lied. I smiled softly reassuraing. "Was it about me?" He doesn't meet my eyes and nod slightly, I lean forward and kiss his lips softly "I don't want to know then.. okay?"

"Kade!" I yell, wiping my hands dry with a towel. When I didn't hear her high-pitch squeal, I got nervous and paniced. I glance around, dropping the towel back onto the counter top. "Kade!" I called out again, walking towards her room. She was sitting with her back turned away from the door, her legs folded behind her as she was brushing a doll's hair harshly, slamming her small hand repeatedly down onto the doll's head. Smoothening out her dark black curls. She was singing something in her own little language and I smiled. Walking in and kneeling beside her, when she sees me. She glances up and smiles at me and shows me her doll. I chuckle glazing slightly at the doll's plastered smile. She seemed so emotionless, her face splashed with false happiness. "You didn't hear me calling you Lady bug?" She shakes her head and glances back down towards the barbie. "Preddy?" she tells me, I shake off the weird feeling and nod giving her a small smile. "Yes ladybug" I patted kade's head gently and said "She's very pretty"

"I'm Toni Nixon, I have a appointment with Dr. Lennox" I tell the young brunette behind the counter, she gives me a warm smile and her eyes glance over towards kade who is blowing spit bubbles. Her smile brightens when kade waves at her. "Hi sweetie" her eyes met mine again, "She should be out here in a few, I'll page her right now" She click down towards her phone and it makes a beeping noise, "Dr. Lennox..." she starts the sound of her voice echoing throughtout the hospital. "We need you in room 10, Mrs. Nixon is here with Kade" She sats the phone back down and scribbles something onto a small piece of sticky note paper, while I check my phone for any messages. She nods towards me and said "Room 10 is down the hall to your left" I glance up and smile muttering a polite thank you while shoving my phone back into my pocket. I smile at kade while I grab her hand and lead us both to the room.

While we're in the room, I smile as kade kicks her feet and plays with her doll. I pray to myself in a small tone, that nothing is wrong with her. My fingers are pressed tightly to my temples, taking deep unsteady breaths. Trying to control the tears from streaming down my face. "Mrs. Nixon?" I glance up at Dr. Lennox and give her a worried look, "So.. what is it" Dr.Lennox glances down at her cliboard and a sympathic look comes over her face. When her eyes meet mine again, I can already tell what's going on. I burst into tears burying my face into my hands and bawing my eyes out. No caring that everyone could see me, ignoring the fact that I was being exposed. I could hear Dr.lennox's high heels clip over towards me, she lands a comforting hand on my back. Kade was becoming deaf...My lady bug was deaf. My brain couldn't wrap around the entire idea it made my head swirl and my brain pound against my skull, I was breathing heavily, my body shaking violently. "I-is there anything w-we can do" I stuttered out liftly my head up slightly to see kade giving me a worried look.

Dr. Lennox nodded "There is one thing that we can do at this age" I nod and wipe my tears away with the back of my hand. Looking around the room with blurry eyes, kade is giving me a uncomfortable look, her arms are raised trying to reach out for me. Dr. Lennox walks over towards her, grabbing her and sitting her on my lap. Kade hugs me and buries her face into my neck. I smile weakly and hug her close to me, pressing her tightly to me. "It's called getting a cochlear implant. She's 2 right?" I nod weakly, smoothing down her black hair down. "Her birthday is coming up in like two days" I laugh, wiping another stray tear.

Dr. Lennox smile kindly, despite our first meeting she was being really nice to me right now. "So like what is it, to be exact?" She sits beside me and pats my knees. "It's a device that's help..." She hesiates at the word at first "..deaf people hear, A surgeon puts part of the implant under the skin behind the ear and inside the inner ear." I nod understanding. "Have she ever had a hearing aid, or any medical problems?" I shake my head "No.. She was born healthy. What are the risks?" Dr. Lennox swallows and says in a calm tone "Kade would have to need a general anesthesia so she can sleep during the operation. Any surgery has a risk of infection or bleeding. And after awhile she might feel dizzy but other than that this would really help her." I sighed deeply, Kade pulling back finally at the sound of her name. Still giving me a worried look. "Mama?" I give her a reassuraning smile and sit up, hoisting her onto my hip. I cleared my throat and brushed a stray hair away from my face. "I have to go over it with my husband, but so far. I'll consider it" She nods understanding and jots something down on her clip board. "Just call for that surgey, Mrs. Nixon"

I leaned against the door's frame, watching as kenneth kissed kade's forehead and tucked her safely in her princess bed. I smiled "Kenneth" he glances up from glazing at her lovingly, with a huge smile on his face he says "Yes, babe?" I brush a stray piece of hair behind my ear. He nods and walks out to our room with me.

Once we both sat down, I held my hands in my lap. "Kenneth... Kade is..." I couldn't say it, I couldn't just say the word to him. "Kade is deaf" I blurted out, he became tensed beside me. His jaw clenched tight, he was silent. It was never a good sign when he was silent. "Kenneth" I said his name gently, he jolts up from the bed with a angry yell. He closes his fist and punches the wall hard, "Kenneth!" his eyes are watering up as he punches it again, angry and hurt is written all over his face. "Kenneth!" He allows himself to slump down onto the floor, his face is buried in his hands as he's sobbing heavily into his hands. I came over towards him quickly bringing him into my arms, as he screamed and cried out his anger. I held him in my arms tightly. "Why!" He screamed into my shoulder, his tears wetting my shirt. I didn't know how to answer, so I just sat there and cried.